15 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You — Why And How To Respond

They say the hardest thing isn’t letting go but learning how to start over without the love of your life. And sometimes just when you are starting fresh, you will see signs your ex is testing you.

Why?

The two of you parted ways and it’s only fair that you move on and do better in life.

On the contrary, there are times when an ex could still be in love with you and will want you if you will consider reconciliation.

Sometimes it could be just an act to see if you are miserable without them.

During other times, there is a concrete reason behind your ex testing the waters. It might be childish but we’ve all done silly things in the name of love.

Without further ado, let’s take a look at all the signs your ex is trying to get your attention by testing you. 

4 Reasons An Ex Would Test You

It can be a little scary to find out that your ex is testing you after a breakup but it’s not uncommon. Many people do this for reasons best known to them. It all depends on your situation.

For example, they could be testing your patience, they could be testing to find out if they still appear charming to you.

Or they could be testing you to see if your ego has shrunk since the breakup. Here are four concrete reasons your ex is testing you:

1. They are still in love with you 

Your ex is testing you because they have strong feelings for you. They think the breakup was a huge mistake and want to get back together.

They want to subtly let you know how much you mean to them and they are willing to break the no-contact rule for it.

Rosa, my coworker asked me the other day, “Why is my ex testing me? I am trying to move on but he keeps texting me every other day.”

If you are in a similar situation, you can observe your ex’s behavior more closely and find out if they are still in love with you. 

2. They want to know if you still have feelings for them

One of the most common reasons ex is testing you is because they want to see how you feel about them. Have you moved on or are you still thinking about them? Perhaps they are still waiting for you and your reaction will pave the way to start a meaningful relationship again. 

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3. They want to show off their new partner

“Oh, you know. Just wanted to let you know that I’ve moved on and I am already in a new relationship”.

If your ex randomly texts you this out of nowhere and is constantly testing your niceness, it’s because they are being petty. They are trying to show you that they’ve moved on before you. 

Your ex could be in a rebound relationship and want to make you jealous by flaunting it.

4. They want an ego boost 

Testing you is a way for your ex to boost their ego. Let’s say you respond positively to their message, they will go on a field trip about it thinking you are still in love with them. 

On the other hand, if you are bitter about it, they’ll think they still affect you.

This could give them a sense of satisfaction or power. This is a common tactic many people indulge in just to feed their ego.

15 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You

Now that you know the reasons your ex is testing you, let’s browse through all the common signs your ex is testing you on social media and in person:

1. They keep contacting you

One of the most common signs your ex is becoming interested again is when they keep contacting you. They miss you and constantly staying in touch is a way to lessen their pain.

They will text you under the pretense of checking up on you or to ask you when they will receive their stuff back.

Texting once in a while is nothing strange but texting you regularly shows that breaking up with you was a wrong idea and they still care about you. They might want you back. 

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2. They ask about your dating life

“Are you still single?”

“Oh, so you’re dating him/her?”

“I heard something is going on between you and Sam.”

“How long have you been seeing this person?” 

Your ex will be overly interested in your dating life.

They will ask how many dates you’ve been on and how many people have caught your eye so far. This is what happens when your ex wants you back. They will be so inquisitive about your personal life. 

3. They want to meet you 

When ex keeps pestering you to meet them in person, it’s one of the major signs your ex is waiting for you.

They had some good times with you and they won’t mind recreating them again. If you want to meet them too, you can set up a meeting and see where it goes. 

4. They ask for favors

If you weren’t a helpful person in the relationship, they would ask you for favors to see if you have changed after the breakup.

If you don’t want to repeat the same mistakes, then find out what they want from you and try to help them out. But if you don’t want to care about them and have moved on, then don’t bother. 

David, a 27-year-old nurse from Manhattan, writes, “Is my ex testing me to see if I’ve changed? My ex keeps texting me and asking for favors. She knows I am not such a helpful person and that is making me wonder if she is just testing me to see how ill react.” 

5. They try to flirt with you

If the two of you are still on good terms, they will turn on the heat meter. They will try to flirt with you to see if you still have feelings for them. Here are some signs an ex is testing you by flirting with you: 

• Making prolonged eye contact 
• They will playfully touch you 
• They will suggest hanging out together alone
• They give you a hug
• They will lean toward you 
• They will give you a warm smile every time you look at them

These are some of the flirtatious behaviors an ex will indulge in if they are trying to make a good impression again. 

6. They monitor your social media accounts

They will monitor your social media accounts to see your new posts, the stories you upload, and to keep an eye on all the people you started following since the breakup.

If you’ve blocked them, they will create a fake account to stalk you.

Ex-partners often keep a distance with one another on social media after the breakup. But if your ex is still commenting on your picture and liking your posts, it shows that they don’t want a clean break yet. Your ex wants you back. 

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7. They post pictures related to you 

Your ex will suddenly start posting pictures that are related to you.

For example, they will post pictures from the time you went to Hawaii on your first anniversary. Or they will post a picture of themselves wearing an outfit you gifted them. 

They will post similar types of nostalgic posts to grab your attention. But why?

They want to make you feel what they are feeling. Your ex is hurt after the breakup and that’s why they are testing your emotions by bringing back old memories. 

8. Your ex blocks and unblocks you everywhere 

When an ex is testing you, they will play this silly block and unblock game. 

Trust me, you don’t have to feel bad about this. I’ve been in this situation. I was the silly ex and I would block and unblock my ex just to see if it bothered him. To make it more noticeable, I would follow and unfollow him too.

It was immature of me but I was testing if he would pay attention to me. In the end, he did notice everything and reach out to me.

So, if your ex is doing the same thing, it’s because your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is testing you. 

9. They indulge in hot and cold behavior

How to know if your ex is testing you? You guessed it right. Your ex will engage in the good old ways of ignoring you and giving you lots of attention.

They will be indifferent toward you and then act all caring. Listed below are some hot and cold behavior signs from your ex-partner:

Hot behavior:

• They will try to get your attention by reaching out to you often
• They will flirt with you and will be ready to help you out
• They will take part in affectionate gestures like buying you presents and checking in on you

Cold behavior:

• Yes. They will ignore your messages to see how you will react to their behavior 
• They will ditch plans with you
• They will keep an emotional distance from you 

They are doing this because they still don’t know how they feel about the breakup and they are finding it difficult to move on. 

10. They will engage in manipulative tactics

Ex-partners usually ignore each other but only a toxic ex will never fail to do one thing and that’s manipulation. 

They will do whatever they can to make you feel like the villain. They will try to make you feel guilty for breaking their heart regardless of whose fault it was.

They are testing you to see if you will believe their lies. Don’t be so gullible that they can fool you again. 

They will even go to the extent of ignoring you and then love bombing you just to see how to react in such situations.

If you feel coerced by them in any way, you are right to ask, “Is my ex testing me by ignoring me?”. You need to step back from this situation and talk to a trusted friend or a family member.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Some exes go to the extent of gaslighting and threatening to see their ex partner’s reaction. When someone gaslights you, it’s the universe telling you to stay away from them.

11. They want to discuss the past 

They want to discuss all the nitty gritty details of the past relationship because they want to get back together.

This is a test.

If you agree to sort out all the issues, they will assume that you are ready to give this relationship another chance.

Before you agree to discuss all this, find out why they want to talk about it. If it’s for closure, then it’s good. You can open communication lines and give them what they want. They deserve it but if it’s for something else, then you need to decide what you want before succumbing to their actions. 

12. They keep comparing you to their current partner

This is the next test. Your ex will keep drawing comparisons between you and their new partner. That’s rude and vile. 

They are testing you to see how you will react. Will it bother you or it won’t affect you in the least? That’s what they want to know.

This is not okay in any scenario as it is disrespectful to both you and their new partner. 

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13. They try to get physically intimate with you 

It will start from casual touching and soon your ex will try to kiss you. They are testing you to see if you still find them irresistible.

If you give in to their wishes, they will assume that you still have the hots for them. On the contrary, if you are uncomfortable with their behavior, speak up and establish a firm boundary. 

14. They ask if you miss having sex with them 

From telling you about their new hookup to asking if they miss having sex with you, an ex will cross all boundaries when they are testing you. They could be having a difficult time without you.

That’s why they are asking such intimate questions. By doing so, they are trying to make you relive all the passionate nights you’ve spent with them.

This clearly shows that your ex is trying to get back together by making you crave them again. 

15. They will use your friends as spies

If the two of you share good friends, your ex will try to use them as spies to find out what’s happening in your life. T

hey will ask how you are coping with your breakup and if you have started dating again. They will keep an eye on you through mutual friends.

That’s what most people do. They try to make their friends help them out in such situations. 

Also, they will make them whisper in your ears that they are single and that they’ve been asking about you.

What’s the need for this when they can directly text you? That’s because they are testing you to see if you will drop your ego first and make the first move. 

How To Respond When An Ex Is Testing You? 

When you spot all the signs your ex is testing you, then you need to learn how to respond to their behavior. Here’s how you can navigate the situation: 

1. Stay calm and establish boundaries 

We get it. The way your ex is testing you, it must be impossible for you to stay calm but don’t lose your integrity over this.

Maintain your calmness and do not react impulsively to their foolish practices. 

Take a moment to gather your thoughts before you respond to their actions. Then, clearly communicate your boundaries and stick to them. 

Let your ex know what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable to you. Plus, you need to be assertive. Stand your ground and do not let them sway you by their lies, manipulation, and gaslighting. 

2. Avoid playing games 

Just because they are playing games doesn’t mean you will also stoop down to their level. You know what they say? Wrestle with the pigs and you get dirty.

Hence, stop yourself from engaging in manipulative or retaliatory behavior. You are a better person than them. Rise above any attempts to provoke or test you by staying true to your values. 

Meanwhile, direct your attention and energy toward your mental and physical health. Focus on your personal growth and don’t let anything define your worth.

3. Evaluate the relationship after the breakup 

Assess whether the relationship is healthy and worth pursuing even after the messy breakup you had.

Do you think the two of you are still compatible?

Are you mature enough to look past the problems and start fresh?

Like most breakups, even yours had a big reason behind the separation.

In fact, research has found that 60% of people who break up eventually get back together sooner or later. Before you make a hasty decision, find out all the questions to ask an ex who wants you back, such as:

• Are you open to sorting out our relationship problems?
• Were you ever unfaithful to me in the relationship?
• Did you spread rumors about me? 
• Do you really think a calm conversation will clear things out between us?
• How will your approach be this time if we give this relationship another chance? 

Have a good heart-to-heart session and see if you are good to go further. Encourage them to ask you questions too. 

4. Maintain distance if necessary 

If your ex’s testing behavior continues or becomes toxic, it’s time to cut ties off completely. That’s what’s best for your emotional well-being.

If you need closure, then have a calm and honest conversation with your ex to address any unresolved issues or lingering feelings. This will help you move ahead with honesty and peace of mind. 

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5. Move on in a healthy way 

In the end, one needs to prioritize their own happiness and growth. You need to stop missing your ex and drive yourself to a better furture

Focus on moving forward with your life, whether you’ve decided to reconcile with your ex or pursue new opportunities, that’s on you.

But focus on yourself first. cated. That’s why sometimes an ex ends up testing you to see where you are in life after the separation

Some things break your heart but they fix your vision. Therefore, if your ex is an ex for a reason, you don’t have to give them another chance.

You deserve a love that doesn’t hurt, disrespect, or test you. You and only you should be their number one priority. But if you are certain your this is the right person for you and that’s why they are testing you, go ahead and give them another chance. Good luck!