Why Do I Miss My Boyfriend So Much? 7 Reasons And 10 Tips To Cope

Why do I miss my boyfriend so much? My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and I don’t know how to cope up with this distance. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and it couldn’t be more true in my case.

I go to sleep wide awake daydreaming about him and I wake up thinking about him. That’s not it. I sometimes cry like a baby when I miss him. 

To find out why I feel miserable when he is away, I found some solace in science. Research suggests that missing a partner is actually associated with people and their efforts to constantly be there for their partner and to be interdependent. 

That’s one of the major reasons why you miss someone when they are away. If you are stuck in the same situation as this, don’t worry. Scroll down and find out why you could be missing your boyfriend so much.

Is It Normal To Miss My Boyfriend A Lot? 

Falling in love is the most intoxicating thing ever. Partners in love are infatuated with one another and they can’t stand the thought of being away from each other. Having a tough time when your partner is away is normal. It happens to everyone. You reread everyday conversations, you think of them when you see their favorite meal, and you miss their physical touch.

This is completely normal as long as it happens on a conscious level and doesn’t affect your mental health and everyday life. 

For example, if you are skipping work just to stay in bed and cry about your long-distance relationship, then that’s not normal. Nothing should stop you from going through your day-to-day life.

You can miss them once in a while but putting a pause to your entire day or week because you can’t think of anything else is not normal. 

That’s exactly what certified relationship coach Nicole Richardson says. She quotes, “Missing your partner only becomes a problem when it starts to sidetrack you from your to-do list.”

When you think of your partner who is away, drop them a message but don’t be so obsessive that you call them 15 times a day. That’s not normal behavior.

7 Real Reasons You Miss Your Boyfriend 

Let’s say your boyfriend’s away for a month or more and you are feeling lonely. You can’t keep FaceTiming him 24×7 and you certainly can’t expect him to address your needs every hour of the day. But first, let’s find out why you are missing your boyfriend so much: 

1. You have an anxious attachment style 

If you are missing your boyfriend way too much, it’s probably because you have an anxious attachment style. You can’t handle both emotional and physical distance from your partner. This is not healthy but this problem didn’t begin now. Attachment styles are often formed in childhood.

According to research, if you’ve had a rough childhood, you may develop an anxious attachment style where you feel anxious every time a partner or a parent moves away from you.

This attachment style will make you intensely distressed and will make you wonder if you will be abandoned by your partner.  

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2. You feel insecure in the relationship 

Insecurity stems from various factors, such as:

• Early life experiences
• Low self-esteem
• Past trauma 
• Being paranoid about the relationship’s stability 

When you commit to a relationship, you don’t take into account your traumas and problems. If you are insecure in the relationship, you will indirectly take it out on your partner. This is exactly what’s happening with you. Your emotional distress is not about your boyfriend being away from you.

It’s about you having low self-esteem that you can’t process life without him.

Studies have found that the more secure you feel in a relationship, the better you will feel with your partner. It will enhance your romantic relationship. 

3. You have great memories with him 

Memories of happier times and special moments with your partner will obviously give birth to nostalgic feelings and longing. You’ve spent so much time with him that it’s difficult for you to manage on your own.

Plus, you have a deep emotional connection with him that you’ve never had with anybody. That’s one of the reasons why you’ve been missing your boyfriend so much.

Daisy, a 24-year-old author from New York, writes, “I miss my boyfriend so much it hurts. We used to live together before he moved to another city for his job. We have such a busy work schedule that we aren’t able to plan a weekend getaway either. I badly want to make new memories with him.” 

4. You are afraid he will cheat on you 

He has cheated on you before and you are afraid he will cheat on you again. That’s what research says.

If you are thinking about your partner every second of the day when he is far away from you, it’s because you are afraid he will cheat on you or this physical infidelity has already taken place and you are afraid it will happen again. 

You can’t control things that are beyond you. If he cheats, he cheats. You can’t do anything about it. Overthinking will only make things worse for you.

You can only focus on your emotional well-being. Also, what about the possibility he is a changed person now? Don’t feel sad thinking about something you don’t know. 

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5. You are lonely and he is the only one who can comfort you 

You are feeling lonely and you don’t know how to shake this feeling off. That’s why you are missing this special person so much.

He was the one who would comfort you, wipe your tears, and buy you ice cream when things were down.

Nothing is the same anymore. You used to rely on your partner a lot but now he is away from you and you want to stay connected all the time.

Research suggests that loneliness is often in just your head. Hang out with your friends and colleagues if this is taking a toll on your mental health. 

6. Your boyfriend is your best friend

If you are saying, “I cry when I miss him”, it’s because you aren’t just missing your boyfriend but you are also missing your best friend.

This is someone you’ve shared all your ups and downs with and that’s why you are missing him way beyond words can explain.

You don’t have anyone to hang out with and you don’t know any healthy ways to deal with this feeling. I get it. Long-distance relationships are the worst. But it is what it is. 

7. You are longing for a physical touch 

Studies have found that affectionate touch is one of the most important things in healthy relationships as it enhances your relationship.

Now that you are away from your boyfriend, you don’t think this is a fulfilling relationship because you aren’t able to touch him. You may even miss having sex with him. 

These are some of the reasons why you miss your special someone so much. Now, what to do when you really miss your boyfriend? Read along and find out.

What To Do When You Really Miss Your Boyfriend? 

If your boyfriend is away for work or for personal reasons, it can be difficult for you to go about your life without his physical presence. Here are some things you can do instead of thinking about him all the time:

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1. Drop a message whenever you miss him 

What to do when you miss someone far away? Drop him a message whenever you think of him. Here’s what to say when you miss your boyfriend: 

• Just wanted to check in on you
• This meme made me think of you
• Wish you were here
• I can’t wait to hold you again
• Call me when you are free
• When we are apart, I can’t think of anything else

These are some short messages you can send your boyfriend but don’t think you will have phone calls with him all the time. You will appear clingy and that is off-putting

2. Go out and visit the places you went with him

It can be a struggle to get out of bed at this moment but you have to do it. This is your own life and you need to be in charge of it.

Small acts have big impacts. Hence, instead of reading your everyday conversations with him, go out and explore your city.

You can visit the places you’ve already been with your boyfriend or check out new ones. You can dine at his favorite restaurant or go to the park he loves. You just have to spend quality time with yourself and not let this emotion weigh you down. 

3. Keep yourself busy 

Just because your partner leaves the city and moves to another place, doesn’t mean you’ll take this as an excuse to skip work and other important things.

You need to learn to love yourself when you are in a relationship as well. A happy relationship is the outcome when both partners are happy with themselves first.

Try to keep busy when you miss your boyfriend a lot. When you are not working, you can sign up for a gym membership or do meditation and yoga. 

4. Express yourself 

If you feel lonely, express yourself in a healthy way. You can try to journal your thoughts or seek professional help.

Spend less time worrying and more time practicing self-care. Battle negative thoughts with positive ones and tell yourself it’s going to be okay. 

You also need to communicate with your partner about how you feel about this distance and always use “I” statements to describe what you are feeling. Don’t tell him things like you are worried he will cheat on you.

This will only create more problems and it comes across as if you don’t trust your partner one bit. 

5. Send him “thinking of you” gifts

Your boyfriend is missing you the same way you are missing him. He is also constantly thinking of you. Make his day better and surprise him with memorable gifts. Here are some gift ideas:

• Send him a care package 
• Touch bracelets that you can press and send vibrations 
• Personalized lamp
• Photo frame

These gifts will surely brighten his day. You just need to have a positive mindset without stressing about him.

6. Write a letter and post it

Bring back the good old days of writing letters. Write all the stuff you would tell him if he were here. Write long paragraphs of affirmation and compliment him.

Tell him all the gossip that has happened since he left and everything else. Just pour your heart out. You can ask him to write a letter back if he is free and turn this into a tradition. 

7. Wear his sweatshirt and watch his favorite movie

You have so many of his t-shirts and sweatshirts lying around. When boyfriend is away, wear the one that still smells like him and watch his favorite movie.

You can take a picture and send it to him too. This way you spend quality time on your own without missing your boyfriend so much. 

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8. Spend time with your friends

Catch up with those times you missed out on being with your friends because you were hanging out with your boyfriend. Go on fancy dinner dates with your girl gang.

If one of them is getting married, help her plan the wedding or throw her a bridal shower. If your friend is having a baby, throw a baby shower for her. Divert your attention as much as you can until your boyfriend is back home. 

9. Plan stuff to do with him for the next time 

Note down all the things you will do the moment he is back in the city. You can also plan a grand vacation with him or just spend time with each other at home.

You can cook for him, indulge in affectionate gestures, praise him in front of your friends and family members, you can give him a massage, and make love. 

10. Take a solo strip 

You are here all alone waiting for his message and that’s making you miserable. Why put yourself through so much when you can pack your bags and take a solo trip? Think about a place that you’ve always wanted to visit and enjoy your own company. 

Missing your boyfriend is also an experience on its own. It’s bittersweet but it’s something that stands as a testament to your healthy relationship. It shows how strong your connection is with him and how deeply you feel for each other.

Stay in touch and try to avoid any misunderstanding by communicating.

Lastly, cherish every moment that you spend apart as this reminds you of how much this person matters to you. 

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