11 Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Misses His Affair Partner
If your husband ever cheated on you during the course of your marriage, you need to be aware of all the signs your husband misses his affair partner. You have probably given a chance to your marriage, but it is imperative to look out for signs he is still attached to the other woman.
Your husband promised to end his affair relationship and he did. He lived up to his promise but is he really over the other woman? Does he miss mistress? Are you two able to address the issues that caused your husband to cheat?
These are the questions you need to ask your husband because every breakup takes time to heal and move on regardless of the longevity of the affair. An extramarital relationship is a complex blend of unmet needs, broken promises, lies, emotions and circumstances.
It could be that your husband had a strong emotional connection with his affair partner. And even though the affair has ended now, it is important to know he does not miss her so much to tread on the path of infidelity again.
Read along and find out whether your husband misses his affair partner or he is actually relieved to end the affair.
11 Signs Your Husband Misses His Affair Partner
It’s only natural to hope that your husband will love you again with his mind, heart, body, and soul after the infidelity episode. After all, he has ended the affair and promised to never cheat again.
The harsh truth is that none of this would happen if your husband still has feelings for his affair partner. Scroll down and find out the signs your unfaithful spouse won’t forget his mistress any time soon:
1. He is still secretly in touch with her
Does he miss the other woman? Yes. That’s why he is still in touch with her. You can go ahead and check his phone when he is not around and you will find your answers. If you don’t get the opportunity to check his phone, then keep an eye on suspicious phone habits like:
- Deleting WhatsApp, browsing, and call history
- Hiding the screen and turning it away from you
- Quickly closing out of apps and changing another app when you approach
- Refusing to let you use their phone even when it’s an emergency
- He will pay more attention to where he keeps the phone when he has to go to the washroom
These are some of the signs your husband is having an affair.
Plus, he will show less interest in you as time goes by. His eagerness to make everything right will soon die down.
You will feel like your husband is married to his phone and you will have a gnawing feeling that he is still in touch with the other woman.
2. He talks about her frequently
One of the biggest signs a married man has feelings for his mistress is when he can’t stop talking about her to you and to his friends.
He talks about her cooking, her hairstyle, her passion for her work, and whatnot! This is not okay in a monogamous marriage and it clearly shows that your husband still has feelings for affair partner
Zoey, my neighbor, recently got back together after an episode of infidelity but she is still unhappy. She says, “I know my husband is an unfaithful spouse because I spotted a few signs my husband wants another woman. I gave him a second chance despite that but he is still talking about her. I am heartbroken. He should get over her if he wants this marriage to work.”
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3. He is emotionally distant
Marital issues are common in every marriage but they get resolved with proper communication, respect, and honesty.
Spouses can’t build a wall between each other and act like everything is fine. When your partner won’t make an effort to bridge the gap, it’s one of the evident signs there is something wrong with the relationship.
He is emotionally invested elsewhere and that’s the reason he is finding it incredibly difficult to connect with you. He is guilty of still thinking about her and that is why he maintains a distance from you.
He will avoid having intimate conversations with you because he does not feel that connect with you. Your husband thought forgetting his affair partner would come easy, but is tougher than what he thought.
To avoid your questions, he will prioritize his work over spending time with you. He does not want to get into uncomfortable conversations with you.
4. He hasn’t gotten rid of the mementos
His affair partner must have gotten him gifts and souvenirs. That shirt you thought he bought from the office trip or that cologne that has been a recent favorite.
If your husband hasn’t thrown them out yet, it’s a pretty good indication that he could be considering leaving marriage for affair partner. That’s a possibility even if he has agreed to give you another chance.
He thought ending the affair will be easy, but will never make you go through so much pain.
5. He blames you for his unhappiness
Blaming you for his unhappiness shows that he feels trapped in this marriage. You can see it in his physical appearance and demeanor that he secretly hates you for ruining his life.
He would rather be with his affair partner than be stuck with you. This proves he still has strong feelings for her and he must get out of this rabbit hole. He needs to find out how to get over an affair partner before it’s too late.
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6. He displays melancholic behavior
If your husband has residual feelings for his affair partner, he will display melancholic behavior like he got out of a bad breakup.
He won’t look lively even when he is watching his favorite show. Here are some more depressing actions displayed by an unfaithful spouse after ending the extramarital affair:
- Having a low energy level and no enthusiasm whatsoever
- Your husband won’t be excited to do anything with you or the kids
- He feels hopeless that things will never be the same again
- There is a significant change in the way he eats and sleeps
Ask your partner if he wants to try couples therapy as that could help him give more attention to this marriage.
7. He gives you a cold shoulder
He hates you for making him stay in the marriage and this hatred will reflect in the way he behaves with you. Here are some things he will do to let you know he is mad at you:
- He will give you a cold shoulder and act like he doesn’t even know you
- He will avoid eye contact with you
- He will only use one-word answers like: yeah, whatever, or okay to express his displeasure.
A married man who loves his wife will have a better understanding of how to handle such situations.
He will never let you feel sadness but if he does, then that’s not your soulmate even if you’ve been married to him for so many years. These are some of the painful signs your husband loves the other woman. You are not his one true love.
8. He lets out his frustration in other ways
You will suddenly see him going to the gym or starting a new hobby like walking, running, or horse riding.
He will pick up a new hobby to distract his mind from thinking about his ex. He is perhaps deliberating leaving marriage for affair partner.
Suzanne, a 30-year-old baker from New York, writes to us, “Does he miss the other woman? I feel like he does because he is always sweating it out at the gym. He has picked up a new hobby these days. He is learning the guitar and I have a feeling that it’s because he wants to avoid thinking about the other woman.”
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9. He doesn’t like having sex with you
It can be incredibly difficult for a marriage to survive without physical intimacy. Studies have found that the sexual health of the relationship directly affects the relationship quality.
If your husband avoids having sex with you, it’s because he still has feelings for his mistress. He will use common excuses to get out of sex like:
- I am not in the mood today
- I am too tired
- I have a headache
- I have work early in the morning
- The children will hear us
He will act like a wayward spouse and won’t care about fulfilling your needs and desires. This is not a healthy relationship and it’s one of the signs your husband is having an affair. 
10. He mumbles her name during sex
What are the signs my husband wants another woman? If your husband still has strong feelings for his girlfriend, he will unknowingly utter her name during sex.
Not only that but he will also call you by her name accidentally and act like it’s not a big deal.
It’s a pretty good indication that he is not trying to find out how to get over an affair partner. Instead, he is banking on the feeling that his affair partner loves him as well.
Would you be understanding and okay if he was thinking of another woman while having sex with you? It’s not okay and you need to confront him about this.
11. He becomes defensive when you bring her up
Why does my husband defend his affair partner? It’s because he is still in love with her as he is still mumbling her name during sex.
He will also call you by her name accidentally and when you confront him, he will become defensive. Here are some signs of a defensive husband:
- He will react angrily or defensively to your criticisms or feedback
- He will make frequent excuses or shift blame onto others
- He won’t accept his fault or take responsibility for his mistakes
- He will feel attacked and become argumentative when confronted about his behavior
- He will use sarcasm or deflection to deflect from the issue at hand
- He will justify his actions rather than genuinely listening to your concerns
These are some of the signs your husband misses his affair partner. Read along and find out what you can do about it.
What To Do If Your Husband Still Misses His Affair Partner?
According to Pew Research Center, 30% to 40% of Americans have cheated on their partners at least once. Whether it was sexual or emotional depends on each person’s affair. But if you’ve seen all the signs your husband misses his affair partner, here’s what you can do about it:
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1. Have an open conversation
You’ve already forgiven your husband for his misdeeds. However, if he still misses her and acts like you are the reason for his unhappiness, then he is stretching this a little too much.
You need to have a discussion with him but in a non-confrontational manner.
Share your feelings without blaming or accusing your husband.
For example, say “I feel hurt and confused when you keep talking to her” or “I am afraid our marriage won’t survive” instead of saying things like “You hurt me by having feelings for someone else” or “You are the reason why our marriage has become a living nightmare.”
2. Establish clear boundaries
If he is thinking of leaving you for his affair partner, then let him go. But if he has begged for another chance, then clearly communicate what you need from the relationship moving forward. Don’t try to make him feel guilty for hurting you.
Just set clear boundaries and ask him not to contact his affair partner ever again. Focus on rebuilding trust, and working together to strengthen the marriage.
When you find out all the signs a married man has feelings for his mistress, tell him how his feelings for the affair partner are affecting you and the marriage. Be open and honest about everything. Reassess that he cannot cross those boundaries no matter what.
3. Seek couples therapy
If you are struggling to navigate infidelity and forgiveness on your own, try to seek the assistance of a couples therapist or counselor.
A professional can provide guidance, pave the way for productive discussions, and offer strategies for rebuilding trust and intimacy. Ask your therapist why does my husband defend his affair partner and other relevant questions that will give you some clarity on this situation.
They will also remind you and your husband how important honesty and trust are in a marriage and how you can gain it back while trying to rebuild the marriage.
If he is a good person, he will give this marriage his everything. If he doesn’t and if he wants to destroy his marriage, he will continue the same behavior regardless of how you feel about it.
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Key Takeaways
- Infidelity happens in most marriages. Forgiving your husband for it and giving him another chance takes a lot of courage and strength
- Sometimes husbands find it difficult to move on from the affair and some of the signs of such instances include being sad, accusing the wife of sabotaging his life, and talking to her even after knowing how much it hurts you
- You can sit him down and tell him that this is not okay. He can’t continue with this anymore and draw firm boundaries if he doesn’t want to become the “ex-husband”
The aftermath of infidelity is messy and it presents extremely challenging times for both spouses. His emotional distance and secretive behavior are helping the situation too. Both spouses need to reevaluate the foundations of a marriage and prioritize trust, honesty, and quality time. The road ahead is difficult but you need to be patient and understanding if this is your one true love.
Infographic: Signs Your Husband Misses His Affair Partner
FAQs
1. Does a man miss his affair partner?
Some men might miss their affair partner right after the breakup, especially if there were strong emotions involved. Irrespective of this, it will take some time for him to forget about all this and focus on his marriage.
2. How long will it take my husband to get over his affair partner?
Getting over an extra marital affair varies from person to person. Plus, it depends on various factors such as the depth of the relationship, how much you’ve fallen for one another, and the emotional connection you’ve developed over the course of this rendezvous. According to researchers, it takes six months to one year to emotionally bounce back from an affair.
