Ghosted After First Date? This Is Why And How To Deal

Relationships and their terms are ever-evolving. From situationships to vacationship and FWB, we’ve come a long way. One such term is “ghosting”. If you’ve been ghosted after a first date, we get the kind of agony you are in at the moment. You are confused and you don’t know whether to move on or wait for this person to come back. 

Here’s a statistic that will surprise you: It has been revealed that 1 in 4 people have been ghosted after the first date or after a couple of dates. More shockingly, 1 in 10 shared they have been ghosted after a couple of months of dating! Here are some possible reasons why you keep getting ghosted after the first date. Note them down and thank us later:  

What Is Ghosting? 

What does being ghosted mean? Ghosting is a term used in dating and relationships to describe the act of suddenly cutting off all communication ties with someone without any explanation or warning. You get along well with them and make an impression that you are interested in taking things further.

However, one person will suddenly disappear without any intimation. It’s like you go from texting every day to nothing all at once.

This behavior typically involves:

• Ignoring calls, text messages, and other forms of communication
• Blocking them completely from social media accounts 
• Not giving any explanation behind this sudden withdrawal 
• Lack of closure 
• Running away from accountability 

These things can leave the victim feeling confused and uncertain about what happened. Also, a study has confirmed that the consequences of being ghosted can be profound.

It can cause emotional distress, confusion, and damage to one’s self-esteem and trust in others, especially if you got ghosted after kissing on first date. It can be confusing and daunting at first.

Then, this instance will haunt you with countless questions. We are here to answer all the questions regarding why people ghost after the first date.

Why Did I Get Ghosted After First Date? 

According to statistics, 56% of men and women have been ghosted at least once in their lives. It can be appropriate in some situations but it is never acceptable to lead someone on and then break their heart. That’s how cruel the dating world can be.

But exactly why would someone ghost after a first date when things were going smoothly? Let’s find out.

1. They are not into you

“Why have I been ghosted after my first date? It’s because they are not into me.”

That’s one of the biggest reasons why people ghost. Perhaps they found you good-looking and hot in your profile picture and the selfies you shared but in reality, they expected more and that’s their fault. This has nothing to do with you. So, don’t let it affect your self-worth. 

Here are some of the reasons he isn’t into you:

• You tried too hard to please them and that was a turnoff 
• You are not their type 
• Their standards are unreasonably high 
• They are intimidated by you 
• They think they deserve better 

Ghosting after first date can also take place in real relationships where partners have been together for a while. This is one of the obvious reasons you got ghosted after first date that went well. 

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2. They think they aren’t good enough for you 

Contrary to the previous point, there are times when your date may think that they aren’t good enough for you and that you deserve someone better than them.

These things happen more often than you would like to believe. This could stem from their childhood issues, low self-esteem, insecurity issues, previous relationship problems, or other such traumas. 

When someone ghosts you, especially if the date went well or if you’ve been together for a while, it’s usually because of this reason.

Their personal issues start creeping up and they ruin everything. They may even think that if things don’t go well down the lane, they will be held accountable for it. So, they are nervous that history will repeat itself and that it’s best to ghost you. 

3. They are emotionally immature 

If you have been ghosted after a great first date, it shows that you are dating someone who isn’t emotionally mature. They aren’t mature or wise enough to end the relationship and they decide to run away.

The thing is — some people lack the emotional maturity to handle difficult conversations or to take responsibility for their actions. Ghosting may be a result of this immaturity and this shows that they aren’t the right person for you. 

Andrew, a 29-year-old salesperson from New York, writes, “She ghosted me after first date. I didn’t expect that because she was the one who kissed me. I met her on one of the dating apps and we had been texting for a while. I thought I had found real happiness but I guess I was wrong.” 

4. They like someone else/They are serial daters

When someone ghosts you, one of the reasons behind it is their taste of thrill. They don’t want a relationship with you because they like serial dating. They stop texting you as soon as you are done serving a purpose.

People can be cruel at times but it is what it is. There are other peas in their pod and they are busy giving them all their attention. 

There is also a chance of them liking someone else. Basically, two-timing. They were talking to both you and her to assess which one would look better with them. You lost and the other person one. Hence, they ghosted after seeming interested in you on the first date. 

5. They think there is a compatibility issue 

The two of you spoke about many things on the first date. There is a possibility that your date thinks you two aren’t compatible enough to be in a committed relationship.

You’ve been on many first dates and this is the first time someone has vanished from your life without saying goodbye.

• Did you keep pestering him to meet you?
• Were you clingy?
• Did you keep forcing them to go out on dates with you?
• Did your interests not align with theirs?
• Do you two have different life and relationship goals?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, that’s why you got ghosted after first date.

These are some of the reasons you got ghosted regardless of how the date went and how long you’ve known each other.

What are you going to do now? Are you going to drown in your misery while they get to move on? Or are you going to wash your hands and move on too? Read along and find out what you can do about it.

How To Deal With Being Ghosted After The First Date? 

It’s natural to wonder, “Will I hear from him again after first date?” Or “Will she call me after our first date?”.

The problem begins when they don’t reach out to you at all. That’s when you are all set to get ghosted. Here are some things you can do if you find yourself in a ghosted situation: 

1. Accept and acknowledge your feelings

You’ve been rejected without any explanation. Go ahead and feel the feels. You were under the impression that things were going well. But that’s not the case now. It’s best to allow yourself to acknowledge and process your emotions.

Accept that you got ghosted and acknowledge the pain you are going through. It is normal to feel hurt, confused, or frustrated after such a frustrating incident. So, permit yourself to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment.

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2. Avoid self-blame 

Self-blame is one of the negative traits many people possess without knowing the damage it does to their self-esteem.

If the date went well , you felt that great chemistry, but still you got ghosted, you will torture yourself with questions like: 

• Would he/she still be with me if I hadn’t said that?
• Did I dress in an unflattering way?
• Should I have offered to split the bill?

All these questions will only put you on a downward spiral. You need to get out of this rabbit hole and tell yourself that being ghosted is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person.

Nothing you can do now will change the situation. So, don’t feel guilty for something you never did.

Ghosting happened and you need to disassociate this incident with your self-esteem and self-confidence. It’s about the other person’s behavior and choices. Avoid blaming yourself or dwelling on what you could have done differently. 

3. Give yourself closure 

We all seek closure when a relationship ends. It’s our way of looking for answers that help us understand why this relationship didn’t work out. While you may not receive closure from the other person, you can provide it for yourself.

Accept that the other person’s actions are beyond your control and that you may never know the reasons behind their behavior.

They have no feelings for you so it’s best to focus on moving forward and letting go of the unanswered questions.

Here are some tips on how you can seek closure on your own:

• Honor your feelings and cry it out. You imagined a world but that isn’t going to happen. Allow yourself to grieve about it 
• Forgive the person who ghosted you 
• Regain control of your life 
• Even if you get ghosted again, promise yourself that you won’t let it affect your mental health 

People treat you based on their feelings. If someone has ghosted you, it’s because they don’t see you as an important person in their life. Big deal! This should stop you from trying to find happiness again. 

4. Establish boundaries with the ghoster 

Do not talk to the ghoster again. It could be a pattern that they are following. Talk to someone for a few days, vanish when they are feeling bored, and then come back again and when they are missing you or when they are missing some excitement in their life. It’s best you draw healthy boundaries to protect yourself from another heartbreak. 

5. Seek professional help 

How to get over being ghosted after first date? Seek professional help. You talked to someone day and night, you let them in on all your secrets, and you had your hopes high on what will happen after meeting them.

It looked like they were so into you but not anymore. These things are bound to affect you negatively.

Psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, PhD, says, “Ghosting can shatter self-esteem and hurt just as much as physical pain.”  

That’s why it’s good to reach out to therapists and counselors who will help you manage the situation in a better way. If you are hesitant, then opening up to your trusted friends and family members will also help you release your pent-up feelings. 

6. Focus on self-care 

It’s difficult to deal with your emotions all alone, especially if you didn’t get the closure you deserved. That’s alright. You are strong enough to put this behind you.

Practice the below self-care ideas and you will honestly forget that such a thing ever happened:

• Eat nourishing meals and exercise regularly 
• Practice mindfulness using meditation 
• Tackle negative thoughts with positive ones
• Journal your feelings 
• Keep yourself busy by pursuing your favorite hobbies and interests 
• Participate in fun activities like Zumba, taking pottery classes, and swimming 

And most importantly, stop texting that person again and again hoping to get a reply. They’ve vanished from your life. There’s no point in thinking about them and ruining your health. 

7. Meet new people 

It’s understandable that you are afraid of dating and relationships after being ghosted. But that shouldn’t stop you from signing up on dating apps and meeting new people.

Treat yourself to some casual dating or even situationships. You are a free bird and you can do whatever you want. 

Don’t let one incident affect your confidence or willingness to pursue future relationships. Don’t forget that ghosting is a reflection of the other person’s behavior. This doesn’t reflect your desirability or compatibility.

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8. Learn and grow 

What to do when someone ghosts you? Use the experience as an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth.

Think of this rejection as necessary to shape you as a human being. Life isn’t always about the happy times. Bad times are needed to make you more fearful.

Hence, you need to consider what you learned from the date and the whole ghosting experience, and how you can apply those lessons to future interactions and relationships. Let’s say they said they didn’t like how clingy you were.

You can work on that and become more independent in the future. That’s why they say that whatever happens, happens for good. 

Should I Reach Out To The Person Who Ghosted Me? 

Deciding whether to reach out to the person who ghosted you can be a difficult decision. It’s essential to consider your own feelings and what you hope to gain from contacting them.

If you are seeking closure 

If your objective is to seek closure, then you can have a conversation about this. Type a brief message expressing your feelings and seeking closure.

And if they reach out to you seeking forgiveness for their actions, be the bigger person and forgive them. Don’t forget. Just forgive and draw a boundary so they don’t hurt you again 

You should be open to the possibility of them ignoring your messages. In such cases, you can find closure on your own. You don’t need their justification or explanation to help you move on. You are strong enough to do that on your own.

If you are confused about reaching out 

Along with that, one thing you need to consider is whether reaching out aligns with your self-respect and boundaries. Will you regret reaching out to them later? Will it pinch your self-worth? If yes, then empower yourself and stay away from your phone.

If you want to reconcile 

Also, if your intention is to reconcile, then think about it for a second.

Why do you want to be with someone who didn’t even give you a proper goodbye? They left you to fetch answers for yourself. That’s not the right person for you.

A good human being will never leave you hanging even if they don’t have strong romantic feelings for you. They will be transparent and will keep all their cards on the table. That’s the kind of people you need in your life. 

On the contrary, if your objective is to seek closure, then you can have a conversation about this. Type a brief message expressing your feelings and seeking closure.

And if they reach out to you seeking forgiveness for their actions, be the bigger person and forgive them. Don’t forget. Just forgive and draw a boundary so they don’t hurt you again.  

World-renowned philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Rightly so! This little ghosting incident will only make you a braver, stronger, and more confident person. Just don’t close yourself to new opportunities. When you feel like you’ve healed, put yourself out there and you might even meet the love of your life soon. 

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