This is a weighty topic. It may pinch you and churn your gut, but we have to get into all the nitty-gritty details and signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. This is for your own good.

There is a possibility that you aren’t “the one” for him, and he could be looking for other options. It’s better to save your heart from suffering and cleverly spot these signs a guy isn’t serious about you before it’s too late.

It can be challenging to understand what he wants in a relationship, especially in today’s times where the dating culture is ever-evolving and erratic. Some like casual hookups and hate the idea of being in a serious committed relationship. Some insist on monogamy, whereas some act like they are interested in you but cut you loose when you demand exclusivity. We’re here to talk about the last sect of men who are ambiguous and vague. 

What Are The Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You?

Each individual is different and partners are most of the time not on the same page. They usually agree to disagree. Let’s say you want to rush things but he wants to enjoy it.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a relationship with you but he will always give you the love, time, and attention you deserve. On the contrary, a man who doesn’t want a serious relationship with you will portray all the below signs: 

1. He is always “busy”

If he is not calling or texting you, it’s because he doesn’t want to. As simple as that. Even if you give him the benefit of doubt and assume that he is stuck in a crisis or a family emergency, he should at least have the courtesy to drop you a text. When he doesn’t, it’s because he is taking this situationship lightly. This is one of the obvious signs he doesn’t like you.

When a guy genuinely likes you and they have to spend time apart, they will text you something sweet like “I miss you” or “I am busy. I’ll hit you up soon”.

When he goes completely AWOL but texts you only when it’s convenient for him, it’s clear that he just wants a casual relationship with you. Anything serious and he will show his true colors. 

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2. He uses the same old excuses and cliches  

When you aren’t on the same page as your man regarding your relationship status and feelings of love, he will use all the clichés to ever exist in such dating situations, such as:

  • I am pretty upfront about what I want and I want to take things slow 
  • I really like you but I just don’t want to make things official yet 
  • Let’s live in the present moment and not worry about the future 
  • I don’t believe in committed relationships
  • I am not a “relationship guy”
  • I am not boyfriend material. You deserve better 
  • We’re still getting to know each other so let’s not jump to any commitments yet 

We’ve seen time and again how men use these phrases to avoid making long-term plans. These are some of the big red flags you should never ignore. 

3. He keeps things superficial 

It’s always surface-level with him. Nothing goes beyond that. He doesn’t discuss his past relationships, childhood, siblings, and work life. This is one of the signs he only sees you as a friend.

Your conversations are limited to discussing light topics such as hobbies, movies, or current events, rather than exploring more meaningful aspects of each other’s lives.

This shows that he is reluctant to invest in a deeper, more irresistible connection. There is no emotional intimacy. This behavior suggests that he is not interested in having a serious, romantic relationship. He is looking to keep things casual and non-committal.  

4. He deflects serious conversations 

Topics related to commitment, exclusivity, moving in together, marriage, future are all non-existent with him. Even when you bring up these pointers, instead of addressing your concerns or engaging in a meaningful dialogue, he will change the subject. He will make jokes about it or he will try to evade the issue altogether.

If it takes forever for him to sit and have a serious discussion with you, it’s because he is uncomfortable and emotionally immature. His lack of willingness to confront difficult issues will soon become one of the reasons to part away. 

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5. He uses the push-and-pull tactic 

One of the clear signs he is no longer interested in you is when he uses the push and pull behavior. It is a manipulative dating strategy where your romantic interest will alternate between showing interest and then pulling away. He will try to keep you on the edge using:

  • Inconsistent communication. Sometimes he will be very active and all of a sudden he will become distant or unresponsive
  • He will give mixed signals. He will be affectionate one moment and then aloof the next 
  • He will openly flirt with other people to make you feel jealous and uncertain about his intentions.
  • The worst of all: He will make you chase him. He will create situations where you have to chase him  for attention or affection
  • He will make you feel insecure and unattractive 
signs he is no longer interested in you
Image by Drazen Zigic on Freepik

6. He is affectionate only when he wants sex 

He will string you along for as long as his heart desires but when he wants sex, he becomes goody two-shoes. He will show affection, he will buy you gifts, and he will pay attention to every word you are saying. He will force himself to love you.

This is one of the signs that indicate his fake love for you. He won’t offer emotional support when you’re down but he will call you late at night when he is in the mood for sex. 

There can never be anything serious between the two of you. Every time he will use you for intercourse and then he will go back to his real self.

He won’t spend time with you and he won’t make long-term plans. When he gets bored of these booty calls, he may even end things soon. If this is getting to you, it’s best you draw boundaries. 

7. His body language is negative 

When a guy doesn’t want a relationship, it will show up in the way he behaves. Negative body language can convey a lot about his feelings or intentions. Here are some of the few red flags that scream “problem” through his body language:

  • He crosses his arms 
  • He avoids making eye contact 
  • He is always frowning. A furrowed brow or a downturned mouth indicates displeasure, disagreement, or unhappiness
  • He often rolls his eyes and sighs when you are talking 

When a man wants a relationship with you, he will exude all the positive body language. However, it’s not the same with a man who doesn’t make time for you and who doesn’t have the energy to invest in a long-term relationship. 

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8. He runs away from commitment 

Commitment-phobic men fear long-term relationships and the responsibilities that come with them. That’s true. We’ve all seen a man who is making plans with you for dinner. But he won’t make plans about the future when you’ve been seeing each other for the past 6 months.

It’s not fair. He will string you along forever if you don’t take notice of the situation right away and call him out on his phobia.

If you don’t do this right away, his behavior will emotionally drain you. It’s okay to avoid commitment if you’ve been just for just a few months but it’s not acceptable if you have been dating for more than 6 months or over a year but you still haven’t had the relationship talk. This is one of the clear signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.  

9. He hasn’t introduced you to his inner circle

His friends and family members don’t know you exist. Your friends know he exists but he refuses to meet them. Ever wondered why? Because he doesn’t want people to know about you. He wants to keep you a secret.

Furthermore, he won’t post pictures of you on his social media either. Perhaps he is dating multiple women or at least talking to other girls and he doesn’t want to get caught. It’s brutal but that could be a possibility. We have to look at things from every angle.

Suzanne, a 24-year-old engineering student from Seattle, says, “I don’t know why he keeps texting me if he doesn’t want a relationship with me. He won’t introduce me to close friends when I asked him if I can tag along to his best friend’s birthday party. There’s no guarantee that I am the only person in his life. I am so done with him.”

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10. You’re walking on eggshells around him

Walking on eggshells around someone you love could be emotionally draining. You feel like you want him to console you but you can’t open your mouth and state your problem clearly because you are scared to offend him. You feel like he will never understand your concerns and it’s best to move away and turn a blind eye to your worries. This won’t help you. 

And even if you do gather the courage to put your point across, you carefully choose your words and phrases to avoid upsetting or angering him. You are afraid to express your true feelings and opinions because you fear a strong negative reaction.

It’s high time you stop adjusting your behavior to cater to his preferences and moods. You are your own needs and desires. This is one of the few red flags in men that has the potential to negatively impact your mental health. 

11. He breadcrumbs you

Breadcrumbing is another manipulative dating behavior where one person provides just enough attention, affection, or communication to keep the other person interested, but without any intention of committing or taking the relationship to a serious level.

He is throwing breadcrumbs. He is giving you tiny sporadic morsels of attention, acceptance, and affection. The bare minimum as we call it. Here’s how you can spot breadcrumbing:

  • He flirts and flirts but that’s it. Nothing beyond flirting and physical intimacy
  • He is always occupied with something or the other 
  • He is vague about his family, friends, and work life
  • He shows attention when you withdraw yourself. Then, once you are interested in him again, he will pull away
  • He will gaslight and manipulate you 

This proves he doesn’t want a meaningful connection with you. This can be emotionally confusing and harmful for you. You are investing your time and energy into this relationship only to be met with an emotionally stunted guy who is always making excuses for his juvenile and cowardly behavior.

Image by Freepik

12. He’s not affectionate 

How to tell if he doesn’t want to be with you anymore? When he stops showing affection completely. He won’t hug, kiss, or compliment you. He will maintain a considerable physical distance, even in intimate settings. You don’t go on actual dates and this relationship means nothing to him. 

Also, he will rarely initiate affectionate gestures or romantic activities. Words of affirmation don’t exist in your relationship even though you’ve sent long paragraphs to him. He is trying to get out of this situationship one way or the other. 

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13. He is always zoned out 

He will never pay attention when you are communicating with him. Instead, he will keep checking his phone and will act like he is disinterested. Sometimes he will face you and act like he is listening but in his head, he is exploring the land of Narnia. That’s why he never remembers your conversations. It is obvious that he is keeping his options open because he already knows that you’re not the one for him. 

14. You can’t really trust him 

He is untrustworthy. You can’t trust him with your secrets and you can’t trust him to stand by you during difficult times. You know he could be talking to other women and you know deep in your heart that he could easily wake up one day and walk out of your life.

He won’t face any loss here but you will be heartbroken. The fact that he often cancels plans with you, keeps you at an arm’s length, and his inconsistent behavior speaks a whole lot about his personality. 

But where are your trust issues emerging from? It could be from your past traumas but it could also be from his:

  • Inconsistencies 
  • Secretive behavior
  • Broken promises 
  • Lies, betrayal, and deception
  • Unreliable behavior 
  • Lack of transparency 

Your mistrust isn’t paranoia or suspicion. Your trust issues have stemmed from his flaky behavior. It’s time you start confronting him about this. 

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15. He doesn’t put any effort 

A man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you will never make any effort to make you feel valued, loved, and treasured. You are just another girl for him. He doesn’t compromise either. It’s his way or the highway. 

You are the only one making the first move, planning dinner dates, initiating contact, asking him to meet your friends, and you feel like you are in a one-sided relationship. This is heartbreaking. You may as well find someone else who will show you what true love looks like. 

16. You’re not yourself around him

Sometimes we hide our true selves because we want to portray ourselves as someone we are not. Why? Because we want to be perfect for this one person. But we can’t prolong this for a very long time. Similarly, when you hide your true self, you will miss out on being comfortable around him. 

You start adopting your partner’s interests and hobbies, even if they don’t genuinely align with your preferences. You avoid expressing your disagreements or concerns because you are afraid it may upset him.

Basically, you are pretending to be happy and content when you are not. You also let him cross your boundaries. These are some of the clear signs he doesn’t want you sexually or emotionally. 

What To Do When He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You 

It can be heartbreaking when someone you are interested in doesn’t want a relationship with you. Should you cut him off if he doesn’t want a relationship with you? Or should you try even harder? Here’s what you can do if you find yourself in such a distressing situation:

  • Practice acceptance: Acknowledge and accept their decision. You aren’t someone’s first choice. That’s okay. It has nothing to do with you. Some people will like you and some won’t. That’s the harsh reality of life
  • Understand your worth: Remember your value and that you deserve to be with someone who genuinely wants a relationship and appreciates you for who you are. Get to know your worth. One rejection doesn’t define your self-worth or self-esteem 
  • Communicate: If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and personal life. Express how you feel but be prepared to accept their response, whatever it may be. Cut him off if he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s best to not be in such a relationship where you’re not respected 
  • Focus on self-care: Take care of your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy. Spend time with friends and family, exercise, and pursue your passions
  • Establish clear boundaries: If you find it too difficult to be just friends, consider setting dating boundaries to protect your feelings. It is okay to create some distance if it helps you move on

When you find out all the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you, a bigger task rests on your shoulders. What to do about it? If you can’t stand it any longer, it’s best to walk away. If you think you won’t find anyone better than him, it’s best to communicate and let your feelings be known. 

Key Takeaways 

  • Sometimes men try to run away from commitments and serious relationships because of various personal reasons 
  • When he is hot and cold with you, it’s one of the signs he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you 
  • Some more signs include breadcrumbing, not being affectionate, and keeping things superficial 

You’ve given a lot of time to this relationship but if he isn’t keeping you happy, then there is no point of being with him. Reflect on the experience and what you have learned from this relationship and use it as an opportunity for personal growth and understanding your own needs and desires better. Just because one man didn’t see your worth, doesn’t mean you will never find love. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You just have to look in the right direction.