‘Why is my ex checking up on me’ is a question I have grappled with quite a few times in my life. But then, there came a time when I was the one checking up on my ex- and that is where this article is inspired from.

If you have an ex who is stalking you or you feel is not leaving you alone, it is natural to feel uncomfortable and skeptical. Break ups are rarely easy to go through, even for the dumpers.

Add sometimes, the heart refuses to think logically. Residual feelings coupled with ‘what ifs’ could make the post-breakup journey hard for even the strongest of people.

Many factors could be the reason for your ex to reach out to you through a text, a DM or an e-mail saying “I just wanted to check on you.” That is enough for anyone to stop in their tracks and wonder ‘why is my ex checking up on me, even after no-contact.’

Let us uncover the most probable reasons an ex could reach you out.

10 Possible Reasons Your Ex Is Checking Up On You

A text from an ex could surely take you by surprise (and perhaps, hope) but there is an intricate web of emotions at play when an ex checks up on you.

If your ex is keeping tabs on you, it could be because of the below reasons.

1. They need closure

A lot of post-breakup interactions are a result of unresolved emotions and feelings. Breakups where the partners do not get closure often find it difficult to go to the other side of their healing journey.

They  do not want to do the convenient thing: Blaming you for the disaster. They want to  understand their role and avoid making the same mistakes after they move on.

So, if an ex is initiating contact post-breakup, it could be that they feel they need to understand what and how did it all go wrong. This is especially critical for people looking to move on in a dignified manner and ensuring they don’t get it wrong the next time.

2. Your ex is checking up on you to see if there is a chance of reconciliation

If your ex still has feelings for you, they may check up on you after the breakup to weigh in on the chances of reconciliation. They still have a genuine interest in you and want to ask you for another chance.

Like, this one time I pinned all my hopes of getting back with an ex on his response to my casual message of “Hey, how you been” to him.

He replied to my text immediately and soon, we caught up for coffee. One thing led to another and he finally accepted how he missed me and would want to start over with me again. Till date, I am glad I texted him.

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3. Your ex feels the breakup was a huge mistake

Sometimes, breakups can be hasty decisions. There can be times when one may feel that the breakup was a mistake.

Why do exes come back to check on you? Because they regret the breakup and wonder if you feel the same. They are just waiting for you, and a small sign would affirm their own feelings.

They will check your social media statuses, whether they have yet been blocked, and your whatsapp status just to get one hint that you too are sailing in the same boat.

An ex will send you a text or a DM if your posts indicate you are grappling with emotions misery and regret over the separation. They want to know if you also feel what has happened was unfortunate and you regret it as much as they do.

4. Feelings of nostalgia have overwhelmed your ex

When an ex checks up on you every now and then, it could be that the end of relationship has affected him deeply. Your ex may be feeling nostalgic with memories when the two of you were together, and happy.

A café you frequented often, or a sudden glimpse of a gift from you could send your ex down the memory lane. They could be reminiscing over the good times that passed by, wondering if you also feel the same.

A desperate feeling to connect with an ex-girlfriend could be triggered by simply the sight of a shirt gifted by her months ago.

Nostalgia is one of the most common reasons an ex might check up on you. You ex misses you and is heartbroken over you.

Your ex could be feeling nostalgic

5. They genuinely care for you

Another reason an ex may keep tabs on you is when they genuinely care about you and your well-being. This is especially true if you have been together a considerable time and have been very close.

Perhaps you were good friends or acquaintances earlier, before you entered a romantic relationship. And you have too many shared memories over and beyond your romance.

They just want to have you in their life in some capacity even now and so would even propose to remain friends in the true sense.

Your ex may be genuinely concerned how you are coping with the pain and heartbreak and want to help you. They may still want to give you their best support, in the capacity of a friend.

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6. Your ex is jealous

Did your ex start to DM you after you posted pictures of your recent vacation? In case your ex suddenly contacts you months after a breakup when you assumed the past is well-behind, it could be your ex is jealous of how well you have dealt with the breakup.

Your ex is still trying to figure his way out of the pain of the breakup and here you are posting pictures of yourself in stunning outfits and picturesque locations. This is enough to trigger jealousy in your ex.

Why is my ex checking up on me after no contact? Because they are jealous of how well you are doing in your life and not feeling miserable as they thought you would.

7. They want to make you jealous

Some exes derive sadistic pleasure from making you jealous – whether its money, professional success or personal relationships.

Your ex is checking up on you because they want to boast about their recent new car, their expensive vacation or a new person who seems all that they wanted.

Your ex wants to derive pleasure from your reaction. They want you to think they are doing better, much better without you. This could be their emotional pain talking, but the bottom line they want you to feel their absence in your life.

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8. Exes’ check-in to see if you have found someone else

Why is my ex checking up on me? So, they can confirm if you are still single and miserable without them. Just how they thought you’d end up.

Perhaps your mutual friends have mentioned about the presence of someone else in your life and that has prompted your ex to check the real status with you. They want to know if you are with someone new and want to compare. Ofcourse, they win it everytime.

9. ..Or to let you know they are in a new relationship

Some exes feel you should know if they have someone new in their life. The idea is to boast about their new-found love, and make you feel as if you were simply not good enough. Even if your ex is in a rebound relationship, they want to make sure you know about it.

This is a very narcissist approach that people follow to make the other person feel sad about themselves.

A “just checking on you” text from ex could actually mean they want to load you up with the new things happening in their life, eagerly awaiting to dissect your reaction. This is a sure attempt at blocking your healing journey, by making you feel sad and unhappy and get an ego boost for themselves

10. Your ex feels lonely

And the last on our list is that your ex feels lonely, hurt and lost without you. You were the anchor of your life and now they don’t know what to do without you. Breakup has been hard on your ex and has left them feeling alone without you.

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What To Do If Your Ex Is Checking Up On You?

A ex checking up on you can put brakes on you healing journey. You have just decided to move forward and your past relationship is casting its shadows on your present.

While it is not easy to decode your ex’s motives behind reaching you out, you can still get some valuable insights from this article on how to respond to an ex asking how you are.

What to do when your ex sends a text to you

Ideally, post breakup interactions should be avoided, as they disrupt one’s healing process and take you back to the lingering memories you are actually trying to get rid of. Your personal growth and happiness is paramount and nothing should come in the way.

If you have caught your ex checking you out, your social media profiles often have a notification from them, and it is bothering you, you can:

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  • Engage in honest communication: A honest communication fosters understanding and will help an ex seeking closure
  • Set clear boundaries: If there has been too much interference from an ex, and you find it difficult to stop them, lay down clear boundaries. This will keep them from bothering you
  • Focus on self-care and growth: Break ups are hard, and healing is a slow, tedious process. Make yourself your priority and focus on your personal growth
  • Block them from your social channels: If your ex has been giving you bad vibes and they behave like they need to know everything about you, use the power of blocking. Cut them off from all channels of communication
  • Take professional help: Lastly, to speed up your healing and to process your emotions better and constructively

I hope you have got your answer to the question “Why is my ex checking up on me?” and are now better equipped to deal with the problem.