“We Went From Texting Every Day To Nothing…” What Causes The Shift?

“We went from texting everyday to nothing….nothing at all”, my friend was almost in tears when we met  for coffee downtown last week. This sent me down the memory lane when I was also at the same place, and my goosebumps were the testament of the pain that I endured long enough to understand and pen this down.

There was a time when things were going fine between me and this guy that I was seeing. We had a meet-cute. We hung out together. There were those stolen glances and shared inside jokes. Until, one day. And boom! 

We went from texting every day to nothing! He texted me every day then stopped! My entire world came crashing down and time stood still. It was difficult to digest – we used to talk everyday but now he ignored me. What would a guy stop texting his SO suddenly, without any altercations whatsoever? What could be the reason for this sudden shift? 

Needless to say, I went through a whirlpool of emotions. I was confused, worked up, angry, upset, and devastated, all at the same time. Back then, I struggled to understand his motive behind the disappearing act. 

• Is that a mind game? 
• Is something wrong with me?
• Was he playing hard to get? 

Well, that could be a possible reason that I see now, years after the incident. I understand there could be many other girls struggling to trace the issue, just like I did. 

That’s the reason I am here to share my knowledge and understanding based on my experience so that you don’t have to wait for years to grasp the situation. Let’s decode this online dating behavior and see why he stopped texting suddenly. 

What Does It Mean When A Guy Texts You Every Day But Stops Suddenly?

Before you lose your sleep wondering why the guy into you suddenly stopped talking and texting you every day, let’s give it a deep thought. There could be a lot more than what meets the eye behind this journey from everyday texting to nothing.

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He could be busy with life happening, or have some family issues, you never know. So let’s just take a few things in our purview that could be holding him from texting.

• He needs some space. The constant to and fro of texts has probably made him develop feelings for you and he needs some time off to process them
• He isn’t too sure about the relationship and wants to be doubly sure before steering it ahead. He wants to take things slow or has no intention to get into a long term commitment
• The growing intimacy with the constant texting has caught him off guard and he wants take some time to ascertain his feelings
• He isn’t interested anymore considering how the relationship feels to him. One of the Quora users believes if a guy stops texting then ‘He’s almost out the door. He’s half-checked out of this relationship already.’ Stepping back from the talking stage is just his way of conveying that he is finding the connection too intense or overwhelming
• He is genuinely occupied with all the work piling up and chasing deadlines
• He goes quiet for days because he prefers to play mind games instead
• Texting constantly wasn’t ever his thing, he was just doing so to get your attention at the starting of the relationship

If the radio silence has been bothering you, it is best to have an open conversation around the topic rather than trying to hit the bull’s eye in the dark.

When a guy goes quiet on text, it is not necessarily a red flag, but for your own peace of mind and calm, asking directly will help you  both set realistic expectations in your relationship.

Do not pay heed to all the negative thoughts and assume things on your own. When two people are in a relationship, the simplest thing to do is to have conversations about the things that are bothering them.

Don’t forget that one of the reasons he stopped texting could also be that he is bad at texting. As simple as that!

12 Reasons You Are In The ‘We Went From Texting Every Day To Nothing’ Situation

It is not uncommon to feel ‘we went from texting every day to nothing!’ It has happened with people in the past and will continue to happen. Yes, relationships are that tricky! 

But, the blame need not necessarily always be on you. Or your guy. Blame the technology! Yes, you read that right. There is proof of why texting every day is bad.

According to a paper published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, staying in touch through technology can create disconnects between committed couples. Texting might help you initiate contact and strike conversations that get you on the same page.

However, as the study pointed out, it makes matters worse by lowering your relationship satisfaction. Call it a side-effect of texting in the modern world, if you will. 

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Setting the boons and banes of technology apart, let’s try to understand why a guy would text you every day and then stop.

You had just started talking over texts in your new relationships, started your days with sending good morning texts to each other, kept checking your phone through the day for constant notifications. But, suddenly the guy decided to stop texting. What could have gone wrong?

Let us try to find the probable reasons below:

1. He wants to slow things down

As things graduated from meet-cute to endless conversations over texts, everything zoomed past him. He couldn’t get hold of the dating phase to get an idea of where exactly you two stand.

Are you unofficially dating? Are you two suddenly a couple now?

Things just whizzed by at a speed greater than his thumbs could text. Everyday texting takes a toll on him and so he makes a conscious decision to take a break.

Most guys find dating at a breakneck speed to be too intimidating. Not that it holds good for your relationship, either. Hence, when a guy stops texting, it is mostly to process his feelings and emotions.

As one of the Quora users points out, ‘It’s about space, taking things slow and enjoying the “newness” of things. Rather than smothering each other… Too much of a good thing ruins it.’ There you are! The text messages were too in his face to allow comfort. 

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2. He has been seeing someone else as well

No matter how bitter this sounds, we cannot deny the probability. He could be seeing other woman, or, women, who knows!

Do not get us wrong; we are not hinting at cheating. Perhaps, he has realized this relationship is not going to work and so he is attracted toward someone else. Or maybe, he as already dating multiple people all at once.

The guy stopped texting as a means to subtly let you know that he is not interested in working on this relationship. 

When the conversations start dying or veer toward being indifferent or disinterested, know that you are not the only one he’s texting. If the compliments are tapering off, the cute banter is reducing, and the good morning texts have waned, it can be because the sender is still the same but the recipient isn’t. 

3. He feels he is doing all the work

We know relationships are two people’s (or more!) game. Any guy would stop talking and texting if he thinks the relationship is becoming a one-man show.

Go back to your texts and see if he was always the one to initiate contact. Was he the only one to show interest in knowing each other’s personality? If yes, then this could be a possible reason. He felt like he was in a one-sided relationship and that made him take a pause.

Perhaps you got used to his texts and took him for granted. You need to make more effort in the relationship to show that you care. Give it back. Return the love. Fill their emptying cup. Before it is too late.

4. He is genuinely preoccupied with things

He is busy with a lot many things on his plate, more than what he can chew. There has been a lot of work commitments and social obligations to fulfill. And, so, he minimizes texting and maybe even goes missing in action for days. 

However, he need not completely cut off the communication if he doesn’t have enough time.

As another Quora user believes, ‘You’re not his priority. These “busy” excuses are just that, excuses…If a man is thinking about you he’s going to reach out.’

If this is the reason you are in the we-went-from-texting-every-day-to-nothing situation, trust us, it’s for your good. If you’re not his number one priority, there is no reason you should be his last, either. 

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5. He wants to play games

When Rob started ghosting Sarah, my bestie, she was heartbroken. She confided in me after the college prom, “He texted me every day then stopped. It looked as if he was totally into me – we flirted, laughed, watched movies, and everything.

“But one fine day, he decided to stop texting. He didn’t text, didn’t reply, and left me on read and seen. He was just gone! Why has he stopped texting me as much, all of a sudden?”

I suggested maybe he was simply playing hard to get and wanted her to chase him for a change. 

As it turned out later, Rob was indeed trying to play games and appear mysterious with his disappearing act.

However, instead of perking things up in the relationship, it only led to a breakup between the two. Not responding and ghosting for months on end just to level up the chase game is more of a romantic manipulation than a romantic attraction! 

6. He is shying away from commitment

Your guy might be smitten with you, yet he would stop texting you. This is how guys are. He is so much into you that he is afraid of losing you.

Or, e might not be willing to commit too early into the relationship, or maybe he is not sure of his feelings yet.

Perhaps he does not see you long term, or he wants to play around some more time before eventually committing. The reason behind his commitment issues can vary.

But, if he is not texting you despite his love for you, it is certainly because he is not ready to commit. In that case, it is a close escape for you since you are saved from investing yourself honestly in a guy who isn’t as serious about it as you are. 

7. There have been some text misunderstandings

The thing about texts is that they only say words without the meaning behind them. They do not carry the tone and hence much of its meaning.

A study published in the Southern Communication Journal points out, ‘texting is often viewed as causing miscommunication…polarizing the discussion and leading to hyper-negative impressions.’ texting has never been a convenient mode of conversation to discuss serious issues. 

If your guy is refraining from texting, one of the possible reasons could be a misunderstanding stemming from one of the texts where the meaning is wrongly interpreted.

What you said in jest might be taken seriously; your witty sarcasm could be lost halfway through because the texts do not convey the tone they are expressed in.

8. You two are running out of things to talk about

With the constant exchange of texts through the days, there is a high probability that you two do not have much to talk about. Having discussed each others’ dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, insecurities, and fears, you are running out of things to keep the conversation going.

The conversation is gradually dying so he thinks it is better to stop texting for some time rather than just sending ‘Hey, what’s up?’ four times a day. 

If most of his replies sound like ‘hmm’, ‘cool’, ‘great!’, ‘Yeah, amazing’, ‘OMG’, and the like, know that he is losing interest and intent to keep the conversation going.

He is pretty bored with the routine and is in need of some more effort to strengthen the relationship rather than notifications of your messages getting delivered to his inbox. 

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9. He is not a text person 

Let’s face it: most guys do not like texting and cannot text even to save their life. Your guy could be one of them. He cannot stay glued to his phone with his thumbs sticking out dancing feverishly on the screen.

He is not playing hard to get, nor is he disinterested in you. It is just that he does not know the ABC of texting. If you have been with such a person who, despite his aversion to texts, has been playing along and sending replies to your texts, then know that they have already gone out of their way just to be with you or to know you better. 

Take a look at his older texts and the newer ones to find any pattern or difference. Has he always been this reticent and reserved over texts, or is it a new thing, OR are you simply overthinking?

10. You speak different love languages

You guys do not seem to be on the same page when it comes to texting. In such cases, texting becomes more of a burden than a connecting link. It will be difficult to keep the conversation free-flowing if you miss out on each other’s meaning and humor. 

A study published online pointed out the ‘discrepancies between the person’s felt (preferred) and their partner’s expressed love language’ which can reduce relationship satisfaction.

The study continues to say, ‘people who expressed their affection in the way their partners preferred to receive it, experienced greater satisfaction with their relationships’.

So maybe you guys are facing issues because you are not clicking over texts. Your love languages differ and it seeps into your messages and becomes a turn-off. 

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11. He can sense it not working out 

When we went from texting every day to nothing, it was our collective gut feeling that our relationship was not going the right way. We had our individual expectations from the relationship and it was clearly not either of us wanted.

However, that did not take away the hurt and pain of not hearing back from a person who liked me and enjoyed being with me. There was no explanation, no discussions, and no texts. They just came to an abrupt stop. 

Unfair it does sound, but most guys take this easier route to avoid any emotional confrontation. If your guy is cutting down on texts, he might be trying to ease things out without coming off as disinterested. He is slowing down the communication because he can see things not working out for both of you.

12. He might have been offended

It could be because you are coming off as too strong for him. It could be because he feels uncomfortable discussing certain topics.

Or, because he does not like the way you are sounding in your texts. It could be anything that can trigger him and not want to continue the conversations. 

Maybe you said something jokingly but it didn’t go down well with him. You never know until he tells you.

One of the reason you are in the we-went-from-texting-every-day-to-nothing situation is because he felt the need to retreat to create a void that gives him a more comfortable space to live in. 

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 How To Cope With The Changed Texting Patterns?

Now you know what could have led to the reduced text messages. You might have spent sleepless nights over thoughts like, ‘He texted me every day then stopped. What could have gone wrong and where? We used to talk every day now he ignores me. What do I do?’ Well, we’ve got some ideas on what to do when he stops texting as much. 

• Stay away from the blame game: It is natural to think, ‘We went from texting every day to nothing. Where did I go wrong?’ or ‘Why has he stopped texting me as much? Does he not like me?’. Try to not take the onus of what has happened. Do not even peep through the rabbit hole, let alone go down in it. Accept it and move ahead without trying to take the blame
• Acknowledge your feelings: Validate your feelings and emotions. Anyone would be pissed off about not getting an answer from someone who once talked to you all day long. Mourn the loss, if you will, but get over it for once and all
• Talk to a friend:  Confide into your confidante. Talk your heart out with a mutual friend. Give vent to your feelings, call him names, do whatever helps you cool off. Not only will it help you relieve your pent-up emotions, it might also help you feel better as your friend tells you how you deserve better than him
• Send him a text yourself:
• Give time to yourself: Focus on yourself. Pamper yourself with self-love and care. Distract yourself. Enroll in a hobby class. Take up a DIY project. The idea is to not let yourself feel the absence of someone who does not bother about you and your feelings

Dating is a difficult game but that does not mean that you should be racked with pain. You will come across challenges and hurdles. There will be misunderstandings. But, the solution to all these and more lies in open communication. Talk it out with your partner before matters go out of your hands. If they want you, they will find a way to reach you.