He Was So Into Me Then Stopped: 15 Common Triggers And 5 Tips To Deal

“He was so into me then stopped” — a soul-crushing statement especially when he was all lovey-dovey earlier but now has started acting strange. You were head over heels in love with him but now he is acting as if he was never into you in the first place. Before you lose hope and start blaming yourself for his avoidance, it’s important that you get to know all the possible reasons why something like this could have happened. 

When interest fades from one or both the parties in a relationship, it is a sign that something needs attention. What causes this sudden shift? Are there any triggers that caused his heart to change?

It is an opportunity to evaluate, communicate, and work on what’s missing. It’s essential that you don’t lose hope even before finding out what must have gone wrong. Was it you? Was it him? Or was it love’s arch-nemesis — time? Read along and find out!

He Was So Into Me Then Stopped — 15 Reasons 

If you are saying, “we went from texting everyday to nothing”, then let me tell you, I myself have been there. It was heartbreaking to wait for one text from the man I loved. I could just sense his interest in me was dwindling, and I kept wondering what should I do. All I could think about was ‘he was so into me, then stopped suddenly, why?

Just like you, I wanted to know what went wrong but couldn’t put my finger on anything. I wondered if he is playing mind games with me or he has started to see someone else. Sometimes, I also toyed with the idea of just dumping him and moving on. But because I really liked him, I started to look for cues that caused this shift in his behavior.

If you are interested in this guy, try to find out the reason behind his diminishing love and affection. If you were anyway looking for a way out, you may just as well. But if the relationship was going great, we suggest it’s best to find out ‘why’ rather than making impulsive decisions. Read along and find out 15 reasons why this could have happened.

1. The fear of losing you is no more there

And that’s because you are always available for him. There is nothing else you are drawn to, all your time and attention is for him and he has no fear of losing you. He does not need to make any effort for your attention anymore.

The more you pour your attention on a guy, the farther he will run from you. Perhaps you were available at the drop of a hat for him and texted him all the time. That’s why he stopped texting you.

When one person is consistently available and easily accessible, it can create a sense of complacency or take away the chase or excitement that comes with pursuing someone. 

Men are often drawn to the thrill of the chase and the excitement of winning someone’s attention and affection. A guy’s interest will fade in you if you are someone who is readily available and there is no challenge or pursuit involved.

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2. Lack of compatibility 

Joanna, a 29-year-old nurse from New York, says, “He texted me everyday then stopped. We knew each other from the past seven months but now he barely responds to my messages. I don’t know what went wrong. A couple of weeks ago he was swooning and making promises about planning a holiday together. One day, he said he doesn’t think we are compatible and that’s it. Radio silence since that moment. I am heartbroken.” 

If Joanna’s life story sounds familiar, then perhaps incompatibility was seated at the core of your relationship.

When two people lack compatibility, they start feeling like something is off and want to find someone with whom they can be compatible with. Maybe your interests, values, or goals didn’t align with his. Loss of interest can stem from the lack of common interests in life.

According to a research, couples who share similar interests and values have a higher compatibility quotient and better relationship satisfaction than those who were not on the same page. When people want the same things in life, connect becomes easier, and it lasts.

3. His feelings changed

The thing about feelings is, they change. If he fell in love in just a few minutes of knowing you, then that is sometimes driven by infatuation or an intense attraction rather than a deep emotional connection.

As they say, the things that fly soon, always have higher chances of crashing and burning. Once the initial infatuation fades, the relationship may struggle to maintain its momentum. 

In simple words, when a relationship moves quickly, there may not be enough time to establish a solid foundation of trust, compatibility, and shared values. You can’t sustain a serious relationship without a strong foundation. Such a relationship may encounter difficulties that lead to a breakup. 

Guys stop texting when they sense they do not feel the same about you anymore, like they first did when they just met you.

4. Communication issues 

When guys suddenly stop texting, it could be because of poor communication. Open, honest and engaging communication is the relationship hero.

In fact, research consistently highlights the significant impact of communication on the health and success of relationships.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that ineffective communication patterns predicted decreased relationship satisfaction and increased relationship distress. 

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Maybe he had better communication with other women and you lacked in that area. This could be one of the reasons why he stopped reaching out. If the below scenarios sound like you, then here is your answer to ‘he was so into me then stopped’:

• Did you keep interrupting him when he was talking?
• Did you keep bringing in your personal issues in all your chats?
• Did you fail to make him see you are genuinely interested in him by being attentive and empathatic toward him?
• Was your body language unwelcoming and negative when he was sharing a story?
• Or worse, were you distracted and kept checking your phone?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then there are chances you really are poor at communication. This can be one trigger of a guy losing his feelings for you and he simply stopped contacting you.

5. Personal circumstances 

You have to understand this — the world doesn’t revolve around you. If he has gone AWOL all of a sudden or takes hours and days to reply to your messages, it could be because he is dealing with personal things that he doesn’t want to share with you.

Maybe he lost a loved one and wants to mourn in silence on his own. Maybe he is depressed or trying to recover from an addiction.

When guys stop texting all of a sudden, it could be because of any mental health issues or personal battles they are going through. A guy stops texting if he is going through some personal challenge in life. 

Let’s face it. You never know what a person is going through unless and until you live with them or have been married to them for a long time.

Sometimes not even then. It’s true what they say. Sometimes even a lifetime feels short when trying to get to know a person. Don’t sweat about it. J

ust drop him a message and let him know you are there for him and that he will figure things out on his own. Show that you have faith in him and don’t make a big deal out of this. If he has to come back, he will.

6. Lack of emotional connection 

When you meet someone new, the chemistry sizzles at the initial stages of a new relationship. It’s all hot and heavy. You crave their touch and you want to be with them 24×7.

Even if you are super busy during the first few weeks, you will make sure you spend some time with them. That’s how your love hormones react when you are at the “getting to know each other” phase.

And then after sometimes, partners tend to take each other for granted. Couples neglect the importance of emotional connection which is essential in fostering trust, openness, and vulnerability between partners.

When there is a lack of emotional connection, trust can erode, and individuals may struggle to be vulnerable and share their true thoughts and feelings. In addition to that, this lack of emotional connection has caused him to become emotionally detached or disengaged from the relationship. He has withdrawn emotionally and has completely lost interest. 

7. He has different priorities in life

When someone has different priorities in life, it can significantly impact their level of interest in a relationship. If one of you is in your 30s, perhaps you are looking for someone to commit to and settle down with while the other one still wants to keep his options open.

Alternatively, a guy in his 20s, then he may be more willing to prioritize exploration and career development.

On the other hand, you may want to experience the thrill of falling in love and wanting to move in together. Thus, you are at loggerheads with one another. This may be the reason why he is acting aloof. A guy stops texting when he realizes his priorities do not align with yours.

Read This: 20 Signs Of A Weak Man In A Relationship And How To Deal With It

8. He has compliment phobia

Why do guys suddenly stop communicating? Because of commitment phobia.

It’s a fear or reluctance to commit to a long-term relationship or make a serious commitment. You can test if a guy has this phobia by asking for his future plans.

And when a guy goes quiet on text messages after this conversation, it’s a clear indication that he has a fear of being in a monogamous relationship. Some other signs include:

• If you are saying, “He was so into me then stopped”, then there are chances he has a fear of labels or titles. Has he ever called you as your partner/girlfriend/significant other? Has he ever mentioned to his friends that the two of you are a couple? If no, then there are high chances of him wanting to keep things ambiguous and resist defining the relationship’s status
• When the topic of commitment arises, commitment-phobic may change the subject, deflect, or avoid the discussion altogether. He may develop feelings for you but he will get uncomfortable or anxious when the conversation veers towards long-term plans or commitments
• He is afraid he will lose his freedoms and individuality. He may prioritize his own autonomy and hesitate to make commitments that could restrict his personal choices or lifestyle

After realizing you are looking for stability and steadiness, he may just show signs he is not interested in taking this further and you should stop texting him.

9. He doesn’t trust you yet 

If he doesn’t not text as much as he used to, then there is a possibility that he doesn’t fully trust you yet. Yes, trust is very important in a relationship. It forms the foundation of tranquility, faith, and reliability in a relationship.

When partners trust each other, they feel safe to be vulnerable, open up, and share their thoughts, feelings, and fears. Without trust, emotional intimacy can suffer, leading to a sense of distance and lack of connection.

Cheryl, a 33-year-old entrepreneur from Los Angeles, says, “He was so into me then stopped texting all of a sudden. I later found out that he wasn’t able to trust me. He didn’t feel safe and secure in the relationship. I really liked him. I was sad that it didn’t work out as I had imagined it would.” 

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10. He isn’t attracted to you anymore

A study quotes that being physically attracted to one’s partner is associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction and longevity. When two people are attracted to each other, their bond increases and things move forward with ease.

No points for guessing that attraction is an important aspect of any romantic relationship, and it can change over time for various reasons. It can diminish when a relationship becomes routine or lacks excitement.

The initial spark and novelty may fade over time. Both of you need to consciously keep it alive and engaging. When you fail to do so, the level of attraction may decline. 

11. He feels unappreciated 

When someone is feeling unappreciated in a relationship, it can create emotional distance between partners.

Likewise, if he was constantly talking to you, then suddenly stopped responding to your messages, it could be because he felt unappreciated.

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He thinks you have taken him for granted. That’s why he has withdrawn emotionally and stopped texting you as a way of protecting himself from further disappointment or feelings of inadequacy. 

His phone calls have stopped because he has lost the motivation to invest time and energy into the relationship. What’s the point if he isn’t going to be appreciated for all the things he does?

The fact that his contributions are being invalidated is a big enough reason to be no longer interested in having a relationship with you. 

12. He is a player 

Serial dating, one-night-stands, casual dating, friends with benefits, and dating more than one person at a time are all signs of bad boys who don’t believe in commitment and monogamous relationships.

He neither wants to take things slowly nor are you the only woman in his life. He has other women he is seeing behind your back and doesn’t want to play mind games with you.

Instead of being a man and confessing in your face that he isn’t interested in you, he had a better idea to just ignore you and put you in a state of turbulence and confusion. He tried to take a hit at your self-esteem. Note that it’s always people who are players that lack self-esteem. 

In addition to that, try to recall his history of past relationships. Was he always into short-term and casual flings? Did he ever mention he was in a serious relationship with someone? If you never heard him say 

13. Personal growth 

People evolve and change throughout their lives, and sometimes these changes can impact attraction. So, if he has undergone a significant personal growth or experienced a shift in his values or interests, it has altered the dynamics of attraction within the relationship.

I have a similar story to share. I was in a relationship with this one guy for two years. He was a great guy but I just thought I would be better off alone at that stage in my life.

There was no other reason to call off that relationship but my newfound mindset and self-awareness. Our chemistry was great. We connected with each other on an emotional level. I just woke up one day and realized I wanted to be alone. Cross my heart, there is no other reason for the breakup besides that.

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14. You were too controlling 

Perhaps you were too controlling and that prevented an ego boost in him. Men like to feel like they are in charge of everything.

And when you try to control them, they end up feeling trapped and caged. Your controlling nature must have created a power imbalance between the two of you which has resulted in his disappearance. 

Here are some signs you were too controlling in the relationship:

• You tried to isolate him from his close friends and family members 
• You constantly nagged him
• You dictated what he does in his free time 
• You were always too quick to criticize
• You tried to spy on him by checking his phone 
• You made him unfollow other girls on social media 

Guys stop texting and responding if they feel threatened or controlled. If you feel you have these personality traits, its time to work on yourself first.

15. An ex in the picture

He suddenly disappeared? Sweetheart, his ex appeared. He was never over her in the first place. He is probably trying to work out things with her and has stopped talking to you, for the time-being at least.

This may be the worst case scenario, but it shouldn’t bother you because he didn’t deserve you in the first place. Don’t let him friend zone you or make you feel like you are unworthy of his love. He is the kind of person who reads his story backwards. And a man like that could never move on in life. 

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On the other hand, was it you who kept on talking about exes and past baggage? Of perhaps you kept comparing him to the other guys, who belong in the past. I really hope you did not compare him or your relationship with what you had. Huge reason for a guy to run away from you. Really far.

How To Respond When He Finally Reaches Out

When he finally reaches out after a period of silence or distance, it’s important to respond in a way that aligns with your feelings, needs, and relationship dynamics. You need to discuss your and his expectations from the relationship.

You do not want to be confrontational and accusing., but it is also important to make it known that you are hurting. If he was just playing hard to get, let him know this is immature and not acceptable.

Here are some general guidelines to consider:

• Take time to process: If you needed space or had been feeling hurt or confused during the period of silence, it’s okay to take some time to process your emotions before responding. Give yourself the opportunity to reflect on your feelings and consider what you want from the interaction
• Be honest and authentic: When you do respond, it’s important to be honest and authentic about your feelings and needs. Share your perspective point blank and express yourself respectfully. Communicate how his silence, personality traits, and his behavior made you feel and why it was challenging for you
• Set boundaries: If his silence or absence was hurtful or caused you distress, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries moving forward. Clearly communicate your expectations and what you need from the relationship. If you don’t want to interact with him again, then make a guy stop texting by drawing boundaries. 
• Listen and seek understanding: Give him the opportunity to explain his perspective and reasons for the silence. If his response makes you feel like he is just playing games, then back off and move on to better things in life. If he says he was stuck in a personal emergency, then don’t play hard to get. Listen actively and seek to understand his point of view. This can help facilitate open communication and potentially resolve any misunderstandings or concerns
• Trust your instincts: Lastly, always trust your instincts, gut, and intuition when deciding how to respond. If you feel uneasy or skeptical about his intentions, take that into consideration and stop texting immediately. Prioritize your own well-being and emotional health. And don’t forget to seek help and support from best friends, family, and relationship coaches whenever it is needed

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What If He Does Not Respond?

Move on girl! The way forward is to accept reality, letting go, rediscovering yourself and finding a closure. 

And of course, reflecting at your own mistakes so you do not repeat the same.

As they say, plenty of fish in the sea!

If you have indeed given him another chance, then pay attention to his actions and efforts moving forward. Is he genuinely interested in understanding and addressing the issues that led to the silence? Is he willing to work on the relationship? Note down whether his actions align with his words and whether he is demonstrating a sincere commitment to change.