There comes a time when you get so engrossed in your personal life that you forget to notice a few alarming signs he is seeing someone else. Yes. It can be heartbreaking. Soul-shattering. But that’s the ugly truth.

Your partner could be resting his head on someone else’s lap while you are at home making dinner. That’s why it’s crucial that you arm yourself with all the subtle and obvious signs you aren’t blindsided when the truth comes out.

According to the Institute for Family Studies, “Men and women both cheat. But men are more likely than women to cheat. 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they have had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.”

This isn’t groundbreaking information. It happens. However, the lies, manipulation, and gaslighting can be spotted and nipped in the bud from the get-go. You don’t have to endure his lies and blame yourself for being so foolish when you find out about your partner’s affair.

We have compiled all the signals a man gives unintentionally and intentionally when he is having a delinquent liaison.

23 Sure Signs He Is Seeing Someone Behind Your Back 

When you are married for a long time or you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, there are chances of romance fading out. He could be seeking the spark elsewhere. In fact, research from the past two decades shows that between 20% and 25% of married men cheat. Your partner/significant other could fall under this category.

If you suspect that your partner is cheating on you, it’s essential that you don’t treat this gut feeling lightly. You need to address this issue by noticing the below things and taking appropriate steps. You need to be sure to confront him. So, take a look at the below physical signs he is sleeping with someone else and everything will be clear. 

1. He doesn’t communicate much 

One of the signs he is talking to someone else online is when he doesn’t communicate with you much. It’s just you yapping about how your day went and what you did at work. For all you know, he may not even be listening to what you are saying. He could be in his own zone thinking about that other woman.

Even your outings have become boring. You go out. Order food. Eat. And then get back home. That’s it. There are no exciting or interesting conversations happening from his side. So, the moment you notice the communication has decreased, it’s one of the most obvious signs he is seeing someone else.

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2. He is suddenly buying you presents

He is spending lavishly on you. He buys extravagant gifts without occasion. Why? These are called “guilt gifts” and they can expose your partner’s affair.

Let’s not confuse gift-giving as a love language in a committed relationship with gift-giving after your partner cheats on you. The latter use gifts as a way to express remorse. They did a bad thing. Now, they are hoping to right their wrongs by buying you presents. This way, they are covering up for their guilt as guilt often drives people to make amends. 

Your man is compensating for his actions. He is attempting to show you that he is still in love with you. In reality, these gifts are a manipulative tactic to divert your attention away from the cheating or to create a sense of indebtedness, making it harder for you to confront the issue directly.

3. He has started grooming himself 

One of the subtle signs he is seeing someone else is when he suddenly starts grooming himself. Some of the instances include:

  • Getting a new haircut/hair color 
  • Reinventing his wardrobe. He will even buy new undergarments 
  • He is giving more importance to his hygiene 
  • He is going to the gym 
  • He is manscaping frequently 

You should never ignore your partner’s actions if his grooming routine has changed. He may have lost interest in you and is seeing someone else. He is living a double life and you need to wake up. Start paying attention to his sudden changes. 

4. He is obsessed with his smartphone 

According to a survey done by Ashley Madison, an extramarital affair dating site, asked 1,500 cheaters how they communicated with their minxes. It was found that  56% of them used their mobile phone as their major source of contact. Then, 44% used email. Followed by 20% of them who used dating sites and social media DMs. Lastly, 11% of them had a secret phone.  

Shocking, isn’t it? So, if his phone literally lives inside his pocket, it’s one of the sneaky signs he is having an affair. It’ll be as if he has glued his mobile to his fingers. That’s how much he will use his phone when you aren’t the only woman in his life. 

This is one of the definite signs he is dating you but still contacts someone else. Perhaps he is Snapchat cheating on your or emotional cheating on Facebook. You never know. He is constantly texting someone. He takes his phone to the bathroom. He puts his mobile phone face down during dinner. This is fishy, for sure.

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5. He has new “friends”

His social circle has suddenly expanded. He is meeting new friends. He goes out to dinners with them. However, he has never introduced them to you. It’s weird, right? He isn’t inviting you with him to meet his new friends because they don’t exist.

He is either having casual hookups or he has a new female friend that he doesn’t want you to know about. Maybe he is already cheating on you with her or he is about to. This is a warning sign you should never ignore.

Ask him to take you along the next time he says he is going out. If he stutters and makes excuses, you need to dig deeper and start collecting evidence. There are chances he is living a double life. 

6. He constantly picks fights with you/he runs away from fights  

Another clear sign your man is cheating on you is when he keeps fighting with you over silly things. He is justifying his actions by making himself feel trapped.

A man who truly feels trapped in a relationship will discuss it with you rather than going around and unofficially dating other women behind your back. 

On the contrary, a man who is seeing someone else will ignore all the relationship problems. He will sweep them under the carpet and act as if everything is okay. That’s because he doesn’t see this relationship surviving at all. He has already lost hope because he has found someone else. This is one of the common signs he has started dating someone else. 

7. He hides his credit card statements 

This is called financial infidelity. It’s a term used when your partner is dishonest about his finances. He will hide his spending habits and finances.

In extreme cases, he may even block you from accessing his credit/debit card statements. If you suspect your partner for adultery, here are some things you need to check in your partner’s spending:

  • Days and nights at a hotel. Notice if he is going to the same places again and again 
  • Bars and restaurants that hint at meals for two
  • Buying jewelry, gifts, and flowers if you didn’t receive any of them
  • Check if he is visiting certain restaurants frequently 
  • See if he has purchased a new mobile phone to communicate with his new lover 

8. His daily routine has changed 

As your relationship progresses, you become more aware of your partner’s routine like when he wakes up, what time he goes to the office, how many meetings he has, and what time he heads back home. You knew everything about your partner’s daily routine. But it has suddenly changed due to reasons unbeknownst to you. This is a clear sign of his infidelity.

He says he has to work late? That’s a lie. He says his boss wants him to travel more often to meet clients? That’s a lie too. You can’t blindly trust anything a potential cheater says. Go and give him a surprise visit at his office. If he is there, then he will love the surprise. If he isn’t, then you are going to be heartbroken. 

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9. He has become secretive 

Some other signs a partner is being disloyal is when he suddenly becomes secretive. He will do things like:

  • Being vague about his whereabouts 
  • Unexplained absences from family events
  • Canceling dates at the last minute 
  • Getting defensive about privacy all of a sudden
  • Avoiding eye contact 

When asked on Reddit about partners suddenly becoming secretive, a user replied, “The only time I was in a relationship where he was “secretive”, it turned out he was married and had lied to me in the year and a half we were together. If there is any distrust in a relationship, it is not going to work.” 

10. There is a lack of intimacy  

It’s a big deal when your partner suddenly becomes emotionally and physically distant. He used to share everything with you. You used to have great passionate sex. It was all good but now it seems like you don’t recognize your partner anymore. He isn’t the same person you fell for. He has changed. It’s obvious that he is losing interest in you.

Even if you want to sit down and communicate, he will ignore you because there is someone else who is fulfilling his emotional and sexual needs. That’s why there is an evident lack of intimacy in your relationship. He is brewing a secret affair..

your husband is not in love with you
Image by Freepik

11. Your relationship isn’t growing 

If you feel like your relationship is not progressing or growing, it’s because one of you isn’t interested in watering the relationship. Your relationship will fall into a predictable routine without new experiences or shared adventures.

He won’t support you anymore. In fact, he won’t even remember your goals and dreams. He won’t care about your personal development. Basically, in his mind he has decided that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Joanna, a 30-year-old social media manager from Ohio, says, “If he likes me, why is he dating someone else? We’ve been together for almost a year now and our relationship’s growth is stunted. We agreed to casual dating and nothing serious but I have fallen for him sincerely. Do I still have a chance? I hope I do because I see us having a happy future.” 

12. He has stopped being vulnerable 

Stimulating vulnerability is necessary in every relationship. It shows that you trust your partner and want to rely on them and vice versa. However, if your partner has started suppressing his feelings and doesn’t share what’s in his heart, it’s because he is venting it out to someone else.

Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt here and say that he has other things going on in his life like he is focusing on his work, has family issues, or maybe he is battling mental health issues.

But can a guy distance himself from the one he truly loves? No. He should be talking to his partner more than ever in times of crisis. If he doesn’t open up, then you have no other option but to suspect him of adultery. This is one of the considerable signs of indifference in a relationship and should not be taken lightly.

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13. His body language has become negative 

Body language is a great way of learning a person’s mood, intentions, and their personality. Here are some negative body language postures that indicate your significant other could be having an affair:

  • He gets nervous around a certain individual
  • He smiles at his phone 
  • He avoids PDA 
  • He will try to move away when you go near him, he will scratch his eyes, or cross his arms. These are known as cluster cues that translate into negative body language according to Psychology Today 

14. He compares you to other women

When your man compares you to other women, it’s one of the apparent signs he doesn’t find you interesting. He is clearly comparing you to this new girl he is sleeping with.

He will say things like, “Why don’t you leave your hair open? It will suit you better” or “You should color your hair”.

Furthermore, he will demand you dress a certain way to sexually please him. This is one of the red flags that you should never ignore. 

15. He doesn’t post couple pictures with you anymore

In the age of social media where everyone is flaunting their love life, your man wants to keep you a secret. Don’t ever trust a man who won’t tell the world that he is taken. This is coming from personal experience. It’s quite triggering to pen this down but that’s the truth. It’s okay to not post anything if you aren’t in a serious committed relationship.

However, it’s never okay to keep your partner hidden if you’ve been with them for over a year. It raises a lot of suspicion. If your current partner hasn’t posted a single picture of you, it’s one of the most arming signs he doesn’t want this relationship to survive. 

when your husband chooses his phone over you

16. He has stopped discussing his future plans 

During the early stages of your relationship, he used to speak about his future. And you were in it. Now, there are no future talks. No talks about moving in together or getting engaged. He is unusually silent. The future talks unnerve him. They make him uncomfortable. These are some of the clear signs he does not see you long-term and is seeing someone else. 

17. He has new habits 

He has suddenly found a liking for sushi. He is watching new shows. He is reading a book. You’ve never seen him read a book. He has a new hobby. How surprising is that! Sudden liking for new food. This changed behavior. Everything is suspicious.

He is posting love quotes on Instagram all of a sudden. He is following new people whom you don’t know. All of these things signal trouble in paradise. Don’t turn a blind eye to what is happening in your partner’s life. If you catch this sign early on, it will be better for your mental health, 

18. He is online but he doesn’t respond to your texts 

You see him online all the time but you don’t know who he is talking to. You want to spend quality time with him during his free time but he is busy on Facebook where his relationship status is single.

He could Facebook cheating on you where he is opening up his feelings to a stranger rather than talking about his feelings with his partner. 

What is he doing on these social media sites and instant messaging apps? Certainly not watching funny videos or memes. He is at least having an emotional affair if not a physical one. 

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19. He has installed dating apps 

When he isn’t around, check his phone. It’s wrong. But you don’t have any other option. If your gut feeling is strong and you know it in your bones that he is having an affair, you have to go through his phone. If you find a dating app, it’s a sign that he has an active dating profile.

He is using it to meet new women. He claims that he can’t even talk to you as you both have such busy lives but he has time to use dating sites? He is lying through his teeth. He is using Tinder, Bumble, or any other dating app to find dates. 

20. He never invites you to his place 

You’ve known him for a considerable amount of time yet he never invites you to his place. Why? Is it because you are the other woman in his life? What if he is married or he has a girlfriend he is living with? These things shouldn’t be neglected. It’s even more alarming if you don’t know where he lives.  

21. You catch him lying 

One of the biggest red flags in a relationship is when a partner lies about big things like having new female friends or spending a night at a hotel under the pretense of work trips. These are not little white lies that can be taken lightly. Confront him and ask him to give you a straight answer. Don’t believe any apparent reasons, excuses, and justifications. 

22. He tries to gaslight you 

Following on from the previous point, when you confront him with his lies, he will try to gaslight you. He will try to make you look delusional and will portray himself as a victim. He will use statements like:

  • You are just being paranoid/crazy/irrational  
  • You are overreacting 
  • If you loved me, you would believe me 
  • If I didn’t feel so lonely, I wouldn’t have cheated on you. It’s all your fault 
  • You are so thin-skinned 

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23. He accuses you of cheating on him

Cheaters always accuse their partner of cheating on them. That’s how it works. Your partner will reflect his wrongdoings on you. He will project his wrongdoings on you. He is placing his guilt onto you. This is abuse and you can let him get away with it.

Now that you know what your partner is doing behind your back, let’s find out what you can do when your partner is seeing someone else. This is one of the burning signs your relationship will not last.

signs your husband is sexting another woman
Image by stefamerpik on Freepik

What To Do When He Is Seeing Someone Else? 

Discovering that your partner is seeing someone else can be incredibly painful and challenging. Here are some steps you might consider taking:

1. Stay calm and assess your feelings 

It’s natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions when you find out about your partner’s infidelity. But for the sake of your well-being, you need to remain as calm as possible. Take deep breaths and give yourself time to process the situation.

Try to do meditation and journal all your negative thoughts. Then, reflect on your feelings and consider what you want for yourself in the relationship. Think about whether you are willing to work through this or if it’s best to move on.

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2. Communicate 

Have open, honest, and deep conversations with your partner. Ask for an explanation and listen to what he has to say. You need to be honest about your feelings and concerns as well. 

3. Set boundaries and take care of yourself 

If you decide to continue the relationship, establish clear dating boundaries and expectations. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

In addition to that, focus on self-care during this difficult time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help you cope with your emotions.

4. Consider your options

Assess whether the relationship is healthy and whether your partner’s actions align with your values and expectations. Consider whether rebuilding trust is possible.

If yes, then try some trust rebuilding exercises. Go to couples counseling and seek professional help. A certified relationship coach will help you deal with this situation in a better way.  

5. Make a decision 

Based on the conversation, your feelings, and the state of the relationship, make a decision about whether to continue the relationship or to end it. If you are okay with a cheating partner, then give him another chance. If this is taking a toll on your mental health, then let him go. Nothing is more important than your sanity 

Key Takeaways 

  • Infidelity is never out of the blue. It’s a conscious choice made by one partner
  • Some of the signs he is seeing someone else include behaving strangely, being secretive, and a lack of intimacy 
  • You can try to seek professional help or break up with him for good

If you choose to end the relationship, seek closure on your own and understand that your partner cheating on you has nothing to do with you. He has low self-esteem. He doesn’t respect you and he certainly doesn’t love you. Trust takes years to build and he broke it in a minute. He made his choice. You need to make yours. Just don’t let this affect your self-worth and self-esteem.