500 Days of Summer has some important lessons on love like expectations aren’t the same as reality and that it’s important for partners to be on the same page. But most importantly, it tells you how a breakup can devastate people. One partner can move on easily, whereas the other struggles to even get out of bed. And when they do, it’s to go to work and act like nothing’s wrong. That’s one of the first signs your ex is pretending to be over you.

They put on a happy face on the outside while on the inside, your ex is feeling miserable. They are missing you, your touch, your smell, and your embrace. They are clearly pretending to be happy after break up. If you are also going through the same agony and want to get back together with your ex, then these hidden signals will help you deal with the situation in a better way.

What Are The Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You? 

Your ex may act normal in front of you and others but this could easily be a facade to protect their image and self-esteem. It doesn’t matter whether you ended things or if the decision was theirs to part ways. They could be hurt no matter what.

Whether it is their pride, ego, or just the inability to move on, your ex may be pretending everything is great, while they struggle with their feelings of bitterness or the hope of getting back together. Now, it’s time to decode their false demeanor. Read along and find out all the signs your ex wants you back. 

1. Stalking you on social media 

This is one of the early signs your ex is heartbroken. They will spend time looking at all your social media pictures. They will go through your Facebook feed to see if you have checked in to any new place or restaurant just to find out what you are doing and who you are with. 

According to statistics done on Americans, 46% of them accepted that they engaged in some form of cyberstalking an ex. Furthermore, 9% of them admitted that they created a fake profile to check their ex’s social media presence.

Your relatively harmless posting of where you are having lunch and which club you are partying at can cause a lot of pain and anguish in them. They could be thinking that you have moved on and are happy in your life. And this may cause them to feel bitter toward you and resent themselves.

You may also find them leaving comments on your posts, drawing your attention to them and the time spent with them- “Oh! Wasn’t this “our” table?”

2. Finding excuses to talk to you

  • “Oh, sorry. Butt-dialed you” 
  • “I just wanted to see if I left my shaving kit at your place” 
  • “My dog was sulking. I guess he wanted to see your face so I FaceTimed you”

All these are excuses your ex will use to break the no-contact rule. In fact, they will try drunk dialing you and when you don’t pick up their calls, they will send you drunk texts and long messages saying how much they regret breaking up with you.

You will also receive “just checking on you” texts from ex. These are some of the clues your ex is pretending to be happy. They will try whatever they can to hear your voice. They are literally seeking opportunities to maintain a connection with you or have a reason to interact with you.

This is one of the obvious signs that they have unresolved feelings for you and perhaps they want you back in their life. Or they are trying to find a way back to you.

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3. Asking mutual friends about you 

You’ve dated each other for a while and of course, you must have a lot of mutual friends. If you hear any of them say that your ex has been asking around about you, it’s one of the signs he’s trying to get over you but is failing badly. It’s a good sign for you if you want to start dating them again. 

Steve, a 31-year-old real estate agent from California, writes, “Is my ex-girlfriend over me? I don’t know what to think. She has been inquiring about me with our mutual friends. A month ago, she wanted nothing to do with me but now she is giving such cold signals.” 

signs your ex is pretending to be over you

4. Not collecting their things from your place/ Not returning your belongings 

From hair scrunchies to pajamas and their charger, all your ex’s things are still at your place. You have asked them to collect it. They even come to see you but purposefully leave them again just so there is an excuse to come see you again.

In addition to that, they won’t give back your stuff either. They will keep it to themselves despite you asking for it many times. This is one of the obvious signs a relationship is not over yet. They are keeping the door open for reconciliation.

“He doesn’t want to let go. That’s the truth. If he gives you your stuff he sees this as the final straw and he thinks he’ll never talk to you again. He’s just using this to hold on to you so you have to keep talking to him”, says a Reddit user who also went through the same situation where their ex wouldn’t return their stuff. 

5. Longingly staring at you 

Eyes tell the truth. They can never hide what the heart feels. For example, you and your ex are at a mutual friend’s birthday party. Instead of talking and mingling with others, they have their eyes only on you.

They longingly stare at you and post pictures with sad quotes on their feed after you ignored them at the party. This is one of the clear signs your ex still has feelings for you. 

Looking at attractive people isn’t uncommon but this is different. It’s a melancholic gaze that doesn’t threaten you or make you feel unsafe. On the contrary, it makes you feel sad about the entire situation. Their lingering feelings for you are clear.

They aren’t able to let go of this relationship. On the contrary, if you are saying, “Why does my ex avoid looking at me?”, it’s one of the signs your ex never loved you and will never come back. 

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6. Reminiscing the good old times 

Your ex will frequently reflect on the happy memories and positive experiences you once shared. Such attempted discussions about your relationship’s fond memories will often be characterized by a sense of affection and appreciation.

However, if they can’t stand the thought of you, it’s one of the signs your ex-partner hates you. That’s bad news if you are still in love with them. 

This shows their genuine attachment to the positive aspects of the relationship. Therefore, the next time you come in contact with them, try reading between the lines and finding out why they are digging up old memories.

Infographic On Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You
A rundown on the signs your ex is pretending to be over you

7. Not dating anyone new 

One of the glaring signs your ex is pretending to be over you is when they choose to stay single long after the breakup. They will give you hot and cold behavior but they will never admit that they are missing you. This is one of the signs ex is confused. They don’t know how to move on without you.

If your ex is not actively dating anyone new, it could signify other various things like:

  • They are taking longer than usual to emotionally process the breakup and are not ready to enter a new relationship
  • Perhaps your ex is unconsciously comparing their new partners to the standards set by your past relationship
  • They are waiting for you to come back and start the relationship all over again
  • They could also be trying to heal before meeting someone new 

They could be traumatized from the events that took place in your relationship or they could be still in love with you and aren’t able to accept that you are gone. These are some of the signs your ex is not doing okay after the breakup.  

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8. Constantly going on dates with new people 

On the contrary, your ex could try to make you jealous by going on dates with numerous people frequently. They are indirectly letting you know that they aren’t miserable and they can have a happy life with or without you.

However, their habit of jumping from one person to the next shows that they aren’t satisfied with any of the dates. They aren’t content. They aren’t able to find anyone who can make them as happy as you did.

Alternatively, if they moved on at the flick of a wrist and stopped contacting you altogether, it’s one of the signs your ex never loved you. Devastating, yes, but true.

When a Reddit user shared their woe of how their ex started going on dates soon after the breakup, a user replied, “It doesn’t matter if he found someone or not. He is trying to fill the void of what you two had.

“Even if he went on 100 dates, he would still be thinking about you on all of them and comparing. I’ve done it before and it really doesn’t work, especially when you get reminded of your ex while on a date. Those are some of the worst feelings”  

9. Their rebound partner looks like you 

Most people do this and that’s why Psychologists did a study for nine consecutive years with 332 participants and found out that a person’s current and ex-partners tended to have similar clusters of personality traits and body language, above and beyond similarities to the participant.

They also claim that passive factors such as people attending similar social events or working in the same profession may play a role in why exes and new partners tend to have similar personalities. 

This one is confusing, isn’t it? Let me break it down for you. Your ex is trying to meet people who look just like you so they can fill the gaping void you left behind. They have been hanging out at the same bar that you first met so they can meet people who have similar personalities as you.

This is one of the reasons why your ex is still contacting you. Will they will come back? Yes, because they haven’t gotten over you and are using dating apps to meet potential partners. 

Reasons your ex is still contacting you
Image by Freepik

10. Boasting about their new partner on social media 

You broke up a month ago. Two weeks later they started a rebound relationship and they have already started posting pictures with their new partner on social media. It’s one thing to post pictures after knowing them for at least three months.

But showing them off within just a week of dating is a clear sign of their false demeanor. They aren’t happy. They are pretending to be happy. 

Some other reasons why your ex is flaunting their relationship on social media include:

  • They are trying to catch your attention 
  • It’s their way of seeking revenge for dumping them
  • They are trying to make you feel jealous
  • They are trying to hurt you because they are hurting as well
  • They have low self-esteem and they are looking for validation by flaunting their happy relationship 

11. Taking responsibility for their role in the breakup 

They gave you a feigned closure appearance and acted like it’s all good. They have moved on. But when they suddenly take accountability for their wrongdoings that led to the breakup, it’s one of the signs your ex wants you back.

This shows emotional maturity and self-awareness. They are letting you know that they are capable of changing themselves. But when they place all the blame on you and wash their hands conveniently, it’s one of the signs your ex never loved you. 

Anastasia, a 23-year-old model from Calabasses, says, “At first I thought my ex was taking accountability because of his guilt. Later I realized that he wanted me back. He kept apologizing over and over again despite having my forgiveness. I didn’t want to get back together and I made that very clear.”

12. Being curious about your life 

What are you doing on weekends? Are you meeting new people? Did you get that job you were so enthusiastic about? Your ex will be curious about all these things and more. They want to know every tiny detail of your life. They will directly ask these things to you or they may even ask your friends or stalk you on social media.

This curiosity shows that your ex is trying to send you mixed signals. This hot and cold behavior indicates that they want you back but the fact that they aren’t making any move to make that happen makes you question their feelings for you. 

13. Dwelling on the “what ifs” and “could have been” 

Dwelling on these things often reveals that your ex is grappling with a sense of regret or unresolved emotions. This contemplation shows their lingering attachment toward your relationship. Perhaps they even desire to explore alternative outcomes like:

  • What if the two of you hadn’t broken up?
  • What could have happened if the two of you had resolved the fight amicably? 
  • Would we have moved in together or gotten engaged by now? 

All these statements express a tinge of remorse and their apology for letting bad things happen. This is one of the evident signs your ex is pretending to be over you. They still love you and there is a good chance that they will offer that the two of you stay friends at least. 

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14. Joking about missing you 

When your ex playfully jokes about missing you, it represents their masked expression of genuine emotions. People usually use humor as a defense mechanism and as a shield to broach a topic where they wouldn’t be taken seriously.

Similarly, the topic of missing you serves as a subtle communication strategy, providing an avenue for expressing feelings without the potential awkwardness or vulnerability of a direct statement.

These playful comments might be a way for your ex to test the waters. They are gauging your reaction and opening the door to such conversations where they tell you how none of their past relationships affected them as this one.

Such jokes blend sincerity with a lighter tone. Hence, they create a bridge for more meaningful communication about their feelings. 

15. Entertaining the idea of reconciliation 

“Do you think maybe we could start fresh?” This is a subtle acknowledgment that they messed up and the possibility of rebuilding the relationship is on their mind. This might manifest through actions such as initiating discussions about the future or expressing a genuine interest in your well-being.

They will even go to the extent of demonstrating a willingness to address and work on past issues that led to the breakup. This is one of the signs they have strong feelings for you.

This openness to the idea of getting back together could be driven by a variety of factors, such as:

  • They have realized the value of the relationship
  • They have had personal growth
  • They have a genuine desire to mend the relationship because they love you sincerely  

Staying together is a choice you make every single day in a relationship. Unfortunately, something changed just enough for either of you to have to make the decision to leave or be left.

Now, on the flip side, you have seen all the hidden signals from your ex that they want you back but you don’t know what to do. We present to you some useful tips that will help you make the right decision. 

If Your Ex Is Holding Feelings For You
Image By freepik

5 Things To Do If Your Ex Is Holding Feelings For You

Your previous love interest is suddenly being all nice and considerate. You have seen all the signs your ex is pretending to be over you and now know for a fact that they want you back. What are you going to do about it? We have some helpful answers for you:

1. Communicate with them

Initiate an honest and open conversation with your ex to understand their feelings and communicate your own thoughts about the situation. Talk to them and sort out your differences regarding the breakup. Whether you both parted ways due to infidelity, anger issues, incompatibility, or different life goals. 

Sit and point out the issue that led to the breakup and figure out ways to solve it. There is no point in getting back together without resolving the issue that caused it in the first place because you will be stuck in a loop.

You will face the same problem again if you don’t have clarity in your relationship. Even research states that on-again-off-again relationships are highly stressful and can lead to serious issues like depression and anxiety 

2. Reflect on your feelings

Take time out for self-reflection and your own emotions. Try a pros and cons list. Determine whether you are open to the idea of reigniting the relationship. Answer a few questions like: 

  • Do I want them back because I genuinely love them? 
  • Do I want them back because I fear I won’t find anyone like them? 
  • Do I want them back because I am a relationship geek and I hate being alone? 
  • Do I want them back because I see a happy and peaceful future with them? 
  • Do I want them back because I want to take revenge for dumping me? 

When the negatives weigh more than the positives, it’s good the breakup happened. You had a good relationship but it’s not the same anymore. Conversely, if the positives weigh more, then you can give them another chance and try to sort things out amicably. 

3. Take things slow

If both parties express interest in reconnecting, approach the situation with patience. Allow the relationship to naturally evolve and ensure that both you and your partner are comfortable with the pace.

A relationship moving too fast could become problematic soon. Furthermore, you also need to set clear boundaries. You can plan outdoor activities to spend time with each other instead of getting too hot too soon. 

For example, limitations of physical contact, setting a day for alone time, and cutting down the level of emotional involvement in each other’s lives. Also, try to become best buddies first and then swiftly move on to becoming happy lovers. This will significantly enhance your love life. 

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4. Acknowledge their efforts 

Sometimes we may give your ex a chance just to find out to what extent they can go to seek out approval. That’s cruel regardless of who was the wrongdoer. If they cheated on you with someone, it’s best to confront them and tell them that you don’t want to get back together rather than giving them a chance just to see how they dance to your tunes. 

Therefore, respond positively to their efforts even if they are baby steps. Encourage them. Tell them you are proud of them for trying. Appreciate their self-improvement. This is what they are hoping for and these little things from your side will make them respect you even more.

Lastly, don’t go back to square one and start the blame game all over again when this issue has been resolved. 

5. Seek closure 

This is for those who have decided not to pursue a relationship with their ex-partners and want a clean break from their exes. But how do you seek closure? Here are some tips:

  • If there are lingering unresolved issues from the past, address them to provide closure and ensure a clean slate for any potential future interactions
  • Acknowledge the reality of the breakup and accept that the relationship has ended
  • Reflect on the lessons that this relationship has taught you and consider what you can take away from the experience for personal growth
  • Consider writing a letter to yourself. You can also jot it down in your journal. Express your thoughts and feelings as this can be a therapeutic way to articulate your emotions. You can also say positive affirmations to calm your mind when you are feeling anxious 
  • Reach out to friends, family, or a relationship coach for emotional support. Discussing your feelings with others can provide valuable insights and comfort

Key Takeaways 

  • Breakups are hard and sometimes it takes longer for one person to get over another
  • Some of the signs your ex-girlfriend isn’t over you yet are stalking you, remembering good times, and apologizing for their wrongdoings 
  • You can either acknowledge their efforts if you’ve given another chance or seek closure if you’ve decided to end the relationship 

We hope you find the above signs your ex is pretending to love you and what you can do about it useful. Make the right decision because loving someone is never easy and trying to gain their trust is almost impossible. Nevertheless, it’s a good thing that they have recognized their mistakes and have agreed to work on them. This shows that they are making efforts to win your heart again.