“Should I reach out to my ex?” This is one question that pops up 100 times (or maybe more) in a day in your mind after your breakup. The romantic feelings don’t settle easily, but they tempt you to get lost in thoughts of “Should I call my ex, Is it right to contact them after all the mess? If nothing more, should I text my ex one last time just to end my unfinished business?” Yes, we have all been there at some point in our lives.

Whether you contact your ex or not, just imagining it can stir a storm of emotions. Contacting an ex who dumped you could potentially trigger negative emotions, as per these research findings.

Ask yourself the hard question, “Why do I want to call my ex?” Are you thinking of calling your ex’s number to seek closure, or just because you are feeling lonely? Assessing your feelings should be your first step.

You can’t contact him just for temporary emotional support. Let’s move forward with caution, prioritizing your emotional well being. Stay tuned as we uncover more insights on the right reasons to call your ex.

Is It A Good Idea To Contact Your Ex? 

Navigating the muddy waters of relationships can be tricky. You’re still not over your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend romantically. It is natural to miss someone you cared about, and maybe even loved. Even after a bad breakup, the dilemma of initiating contact with an ex never ends.

You feel worse, yet you can’t stop thinking of calling your ex. Recent research suggests that around 60% of people admit to maintaining some form of contact with their exes. The study also warns that it’s not always the best idea to call your ex, especially if the relationship ended on a sour note. Furthermore, ‘never contact your ex’ might not always hold true, as some former partners successfully transition into mutual friends.

At the end of the day, the question is not just, “Should I call my ex for closure?” Or “should I call my ex if I miss him?” but rather, “Am I ready to handle the consequences?” Contacting your ex is a deeply personal decision. It requires a thoughtful examination of your feelings and readiness to face the potential outcomes. 

Then there are also those 40% who like to avoid contact right after a relationship ends. That’s why experts, including many relationship coaches, warn that acting impulsively on this sensitive matter  can break a person and make it harder to recover from deeply hurt feelings.

Bear in mind that this is a process that sometimes doesn’t involve the other person. Moving forward and exploring new possibilities are the most important things. Healing takes time. Calling your ex might seem like a good idea at the moment, but it could delay your journey of moving on.

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6 Reasons It’s Okay To Reach Out To Your Ex 

When you find yourself ruminating over the question, “Should I call my ex for closure?”, you might encounter a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. A breakup can leave you dealing with painful emotions, but it also opens up new possibilities. You wonder if a call is all that will make him come back to you. 

Don’t ever fall for the breadcrumbs he spreads mindlessly. As you negotiate these complex sentiments, you may wonder if you should initiate contact again or still hold back. And here are six good reasons to get back in touch with your ex:

1. Sometimes a last talk can seal the wounds

Often, people feel that a final talk with their ex may help them achieve much-needed closure. A study suggests that open and honest communication can help individuals deal with painful emotions post-breakup. Talking to your ex can provide a sense of closure, offering you insights into what went wrong. It provides a chance to reflect, learn, and ensure you avoid similar pitfalls in the future.

2. Exploring the possibility of staying friends

Secondly, you may need to remain friends. For many, the idea of being “just friends” post-breakup is daunting. Especially if your relationship involved mutual respect and friendship in the first place. It’s like preserving an old photograph that reminds you of good times despite everything. Moreover, staying friends doesn’t make you awkward if you share a common circle with your ex. So yes, all in all, if this is your reason, you may call your ex.

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3. Your heart is whole again

Imagine that you’ve been injured physically. Until it has completely healed, you wouldn’t dream of touching it or aggravating it in any way. The same reasoning is valid for psychological injuries. The emotional wounds caused by an unhealthy relationship take time to heal. After a breakup, you may feel a rush of emotions, from intense love to deep sorrow. But with time, these feelings start to subside.

When you can think of your ex without those strong emotions resurfacing, it’s a clear sign that you’ve healed. It’s like the wound has finally closed. Contacting your ex at this point is unlikely to cause emotional distress. Instead, it may help you gain a better understanding of your past relationship and how you’ve grown from it.

4. Their stuff is still with you

You’re cleaning your room one day and come across an old watch your ex has left behind. It wasn’t just any watch. It was an antique their grandfather, or their parents, had given them. It makes sense that something with such deep personal significance would mean a lot to them. 

Breakups make it hard to keep their stuff for long. And you don’t have to hesitate to return it. In such situations, it’s absolutely okay to reach out to your ex. Returning a valued or emotional object is respectful and helps close the past.  It’s about valuing and upholding their personal heritage. It’s a way to finally put the past in the past and go on with your life.

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5. If your ex initiates contact

Perhaps he reached out to you. Your thoughts now frequently circle around his actions, leading you to speculate, “My ex called to see how I was doing, maybe he still misses me?” As you grapple with these intricate emotions, it’s natural to question whether it might be a compelling idea to reach out to him or continue to maintain distance.

The initiation of contact by your ex might have you wondering, “has he/she changed as a person?” It’s like receiving a letter from a long-lost friend. Do you reply or leave it unread? The decision should depend on your comfort and readiness to either rehash old memories or potentially embark on a new beginning.

6. You feel you have healed and can move on

Lastly, time can transform your perspective. It’s like watching a movie for the second time; you see the details you missed before. The pain you felt right after the breakup might fade with time. Contacting your ex after you’ve healed could offer a new outlook on your past relationship. With time, you may see strengths you overlooked, growth you undervalued, and lessons you missed. You might even find gratitude for the journey, despite its end

Reaching out to your ex isn’t about reigniting old flames. It’s about appreciating your past from a place of maturity. You can handle even if there is someone else in your ex’s life.. If time has eased your pain and broadened your view, it might be okay to reconnect.

However, this decision must stem from healing and clarity, not loneliness or nostalgia. Use the wisdom time brings to guide your choices.

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7 Reasons To Not Call Your Ex

A breakup is tough. It is natural to feel drawn to the familiar. You feel like reaching out to an ex for the sake of the shared past. You still want a relationship. But hold on. Think twice. Are you healing or hurting yourself? It’s easy to get trapped in the past. We’ve got seven reasons, it’s not the right move. These may stop you from picking up the phone.

Remember, the aim is growth, not regression. Don’t get swayed by the ‘what ifs’. Make space for the ‘what can be’. This is about moving forward, not looking back. 

Let’s explore the reasons and make the journey of healing simpler for you. They’ll highlight why your peace matters more. So, let’s dive in. It’s time to put your wellbeing first. Forget nostalgia, let’s focus on you.

1. It might hinder your personal transformation

Imagine a butterfly going back into its cocoon after the strenuous process of metamorphosis. Unthinkable, right? Similar is the journey of personal development post-breakup. A study illustrates that individuals often emerge stronger and more self-aware after ending a relationship. By dialing your ex, you risk stepping back into your cocoon, halting your growth again.

While you may believe that calling your ex is the rope to pull you out, it often pulls you further down. If your ex doesn’t respond to you with higher respect, neglects you, or disappears after a few interactions, be ready to hurt yourself deeper this time. There will be no escape from feelings of loneliness after that. It only drives a deeper wedge into your self-esteem. 

2. You broke up for the right reason

Breakups do not happen if everything is great in a couple’s life. If you broke up because of infidelity, toxicity, disrespectful behavior, abuse, or disregard of boundaries, then it is important to realize this will never work again. These issues are generally deal-breakers in a relationship. By calling an ex who has only given you pain, or gaslighted you, you will find yourself in much deeper issues. It is best to put your mind to other things, than going back to someone who does not care for you.

3. Disruption of the healing process 

Breaking off a relationship is akin to nursing a wound. Continuous contact with your ex can serve as a constant reminder of your loss, making it difficult to move on and heal. If you are still emotionally connected with him and can’t see him with another girl, it’s better to block every point of contact. Why? Because,

  • You need to take time to process things and analyse why he ever dumped you in the first place
  • Maybe it’s a ploy to keep you on the hook in case he regrets his decision and needs you. It’s possible he’s just insecure and doesn’t mean any harm
  • Dumpers leave breadcrumbs for several reasons. They crave reassurance when they feel guilty. Sometimes they want to know you’re still a backup
  • If your ex asks, “How are things?” you might ignore, block, or say, “Things are fine.” “Be well.” It’s good to be polite and closed-ended in no contact, but don’t share your emotional world or start a conversation about how you’re doing. Leave the ball where they left it

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4. It could mislead your ex

Dabbling in the past could be like opening Pandora’s box: mysterious, misleading, and with unforeseen consequences. One innocent text asking how they are might look like a love note to them. This can lead to confusion, with him possibly misconstruing your friendly check-in as a ticket back into romance. Or at least a one-night stand. These gray areas set the stage for unnecessary drama.

What seems like a casual hello to you might feel like a grand gesture to them. An unplanned ‘blast from the past’ could very well become a boomerang. Only returning with more complications than you bargained for. Rely on careful thoughts this time. Otherwise, a simple catch-up can quickly become a messy tangle.

5. Closure isn’t always on the other end of the line

Closure from a call with your ex? Not always. You may think one talk will clear up everything. But often, it doesn’t, especially if both parties are not on the same page. This call may even stir more confusion. More questions, no answers. Closure may not lie in their words but in your own self-understanding. 

This realization is often hidden, buried under self-doubt. The aftermath of such a call? More heartache. Lingering ‘what ifs’, and why nots’. These doubts can fuel emotional unrest. Instead, consider looking inward. Accept the past, foster self-growth. True closure may not come from a call, but from within you.

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6. It could cast shadows on your future relationship

Think about it from your new partner’s perspective. He might question why you’re still clinging to past relationships. They might wonder, “Are there unresolved feelings? Is this person not completely committed to our relationship?” These insecurities can cause significant strain, potentially steering your relationship towards rocky shores.

Furthermore, maintaining contact with your ex can also trigger your own mixed emotions. Causing more confusion and making it difficult to fully commit to your future relationship. The bottom line? Consider the possible impact on future relationships before reaching out to an ex.

7. It could be like pouring salt on your ex’s wounds

While it’s true that some wounds heal with time. But forcing interaction can cause more harm than good. It’s important to understand that the pain your ex feels may be as real and intense as yours. And contacting him might feel like pouring salt on his already raw emotions. 

This analogy portrays the possible intensifying effect your contact could have, disrupting his recovery process. Just as you need space and time to sort through your feelings, so does he. Be respectful of his emotional space, and consider the impact your actions might have. The healing journey after a breakup is different for everyone. It’s not a race, but a personal path that needs to be respected.

8. He has already moved on

This is one of the final reasons why you should not reconnect with an ex. If you are aware he is in a new relationship, or is dating someone, it is natural to feel hurt and upset, especially if you are still stuck with them. Thoughts like “how could he move on so quickly?” will cloud your judgment, and you will feel like asking them if you meant nothing. It is absolutely normal to feel jealous and left-out.

You may also feel possessive, as if you have a right over them. In such situations, it is best to block your ex from all social media accounts and put your trust in the universe—everything is happening for the right reasons. You two were just not meant to be.

Final Word On Reaching Out To An Ex

Trying to talk to your ex after a split is like trying to sail through rough seas. You’re here because you’re asking, “Should I reach out to my ex?” To wrap up this discussion, here’s a roadmap to guide your decision-making:

  • Understand your intentions: What’s driving you to contact your ex? Is there hope? Loneliness? Assess your motives. A clear understanding of your intentions makes for healthier communication
  • Check your emotional stability: Reaching out stirs up a whirlpool of emotions. Make sure you’re emotionally stable. If not, hold off until things feel calmer
  • Think of their feelings: It’s not all about you. Consider how your ex may feel if you reach out. Your one text message could remind them of you and take them back to where they possibly don’t want to be. Could it cause them unnecessary pain or confusion?
  • Timing is key: Post-breakup is a healing period. A rushed conversation can disrupt this. So, wait. Let the dust settle
  • Get advice: Still unsure? Ask trusted friends or a therapist. They can offer fresh perspectives, helping you decide if reaching out is right
  • Maintain boundaries: If you contact your ex, respect their space. Communication should stem from mutual respect and understanding
  • Respect their new relationship, if any: If your ex is in a new relationship, ensure you respect this development. Reaching out should not intrude or cause conflict in their new chapter

As you contemplate, remember that everyone’s situation is unique. What’s right for one may not be right for another. This guide is a tool to help direct your thoughts, but remember to trust your instincts. The post-breakup journey can be rocky.

Yet, it offers the opportunity to build stronger future relationships. And maybe, in that process, you’ll discover that the answer to, “Should I reach out to my ex?” is within you.