Affairs. The forbidden territory is all exhilarating and intoxicating till you start to notice the signs your affair partner loves you.

What started as a casual, physical relationship to escape the rut of your mundane marriage is now brimming with the ideas of a romantic weekend getaway and those promises of a better life tomorrow. No, it’s no more just an escape key anymore that you used when felt unloved or unheard, but a full blown extramarital affair.

If you are wondering if affair partners can fall in love, then the short answer is ‘yes’. It’s not uncommon to develop feelings for someone you are having an affair with (and vice-versa). 

But foreseeing a stable future with them remains questionable. 

As mentioned in her blog, Dr. Kathy Nickerson states that Only 5 to 7% of affair relationships lead to marriage and of those, approximately 75% end in divorce. And long lasting marriages are just a meager 2% of this.

For now, let’s look for the signs your affair partner has fallen for you.

How To Spot The Signs Your Affair Partner Loves You?

Having an affair was never so easy, and it comes as no surprise that infidelity has been on rise more than ever. In the United States alone, a research states that around 21% of respondents in the United States admitted to have cheated on any partner, current or previous, in 2021. These numbers are enough to conclude how common affairs are.

Another study concluded that 53% of all people will have one or more affairs in their lifetime. 

An extramarital affair mostly brings about pain and heartbreak for all involved, and spotting the signs your affair partner loves you extrapolates the damage.

However, in case you feel otherwise, it is best to figure out the signs your affair partner is falling for you to take steps appropriate that are best for you and your affair dynamics.

1. They want to spend more and more time with you

One of the prime signs your affair partner loves you is when they want to spend more and more time with you. They want to meet you more often, because this is not a casual fling for them anymore. 

How often do you see your affair partner currently? If you meet them every few weeks or so, you will notice them asking you to meet them every week, or even more often. They feel a strong emotional pull toward you and want to spend every waking moment with you. The few hours you spend together are just not enough for them. Stolen moments of passion don’t interest them anymore.

They insist you spend an entire weekend with them in a cabin far away, or plead you to drop by the coffee shop every now and then. Spending time with you seems like their biggest priority.

This is probably the first cue they have started to develop feelings for you, even if you started the affair with prelaid conditions.

2. Your affair partner keeps hinting of a possible, happy future

Your affair partner starts to envision a future with you. He jokes about finding a new job away from where you live and making a small home with you. And mind you, he remembers you have always wanted peach walls and a porch that lights up with the rising sun.

Taken aback? Well, that’s what love is about, remembering the tiny details, doing the little things. Your affair partner has fallen for you and you will notice they feature you in all their future plans. 

Yes, love is blind, but you are not. Take the call while you still can!

3. They make conscious efforts to stay on your mind all day (and night)

A beep of a text message when you are with your current partner. Another when you don’t respond. And another if you still choose to ignore. They don’t want you to be with anyone (particularly your current spouse or partner) without them being on your mind.

You wake up to their texts, you sleep when they are the last person you spoke with. Day and night, there is frequent communication happening, whether its through texting, voice calls, or ultimately meeting. They make sure they stay on your mind and make you feel constantly loved and cherished.

They also hope their efforts can make you develop strong feelings for them as well. The more they stay on your mind, the more likely for you to view this affair seriously.

And if you too can’t also stop thinking about them or feel butterflies everytime their name pops up on your phone screen, you are sailing in the same boat as well.

You May Also Like: 9 Consequences Of Reconnecting With An Ex While Married

4. They make you feel they are better than your current partner

What makes affairs so attractive to committed partners? Well, to start off, it is the thrill, the passion and the gaps that get filled by the affair partner.

As couples in long-term relationships become used to each other, the mind starts to wander where it is being heard and loved. Affairs usually start with the aim of fulfilling something that the current relationship is not providing. 

Your affair partner knows and understands that, and capitalizes on the same. They show you a near-ideal world where the relationship you two share is highly compatible and supportive. Notice for the below signs your partner is invested in your relationship:

  • They hear patiently about all your complaints about your partner
  • They often offer compassion and empathy after you are done complaining
  • They tell you how they would handle the situation differently if they were your current partner
  • They often tell you how your current spouse is taking you for granted while they thank God for having you in their life, even though in a little capacity
  • They often compare themselves with your spouse, across all fronts social, financial and emotional

If your affair partner constantly compares your spouse and takes the trophy every time, it is a clear sign they want you to see how much better they are, and how good a life they can offer you. Even if this is all in theory, it can seem pretty attractive to you.

signs your affair is turning into love
Image by Freepik

5. …..And you are so much what they desire in their partner

And yes, they don’t miss to point out how you are everything they always wanted in a partner. How you are someone who just walked right from their dream. How your beauty, nature, personality is so much attractive and so much better than what they currently have to deal with.

They blame life and all things beyond their control for having stuck with their partner. They want to get into a committed relationship with you now, and so they make you feel wanted and desired. 

This May Also Help: 17 Genuine Signs A Married Man Is In Love With You

6. They become upset when you are not with them

Your child’s birthday is not enough of an excuse for them to not be with you.They will show signs of jealousy if you are with someone else, as they know of your vulnerabilities as your cheating partner.

No matter how your affair started, they now want to be with you all the time. And when you cannot, they become upset, rude, and even threaten to harm you or themselves. 

Though this is extreme behavior, watch out for the below signs your affair is turning serious, and in an unhealthy way:

  • Your affair partner shows signs of being obsessed with you, constantly demanding your time and attention
  • You notice them being rude to you if you were unavailable to them when they wanted to be with you
  • They show little or no regard toward your personal/family time
  • They constantly tell you how their life would be a waste if you weren’t a part of it
  • They share stories how your absence made them do something they shouldn’t have

Honestly speaking, these are red flags in any relationship, but can cause much more harm if these signs surface in an extramarital affair. It is imperative to take preventive/corrective measures in time to avoid the damage later on.

7. Grand and expensive romantic gestures are a routine

When people start an affair, romantic gestures like getting flowers or texting sweet nothings are normal. This is the time you are wooing each other, flirting, sending mixed signals, and letting each other know about potential interests.

Your affair, however, has graduated into serious territory if your affair partner starts to present you expensive gifts. It might be a night reserved at a top class hotel for the two of you topped with a candle light dinner by the pool, or the diamond earrings you just told them you were eyeing for some time. 

Well, these grand gestures come from a place of love in their heart for you. They truly hold you special and are not shying away to show you the same. Your cheating partner has developed strong feelings for you and they want to impress you with whatever it takes.

As my friend once confessed, “ I had an affair and fell in love with her. It just felt so right , and it was the best feeling I ever experienced. She gave me such a sense of belonging and satisfaction that I could simply do anything to make her stay by my side. In the heat of it all, I ended up buying an apartment in her name, which cropped up in my financial statements and cost me my marriage, kids and reputation.” 

8. They keep saying ‘you deserve better’

Because your affair partner is trying to prove they are better for you in every sense, and that you are ‘stuck’ in the wrong relationship with the wrong person, you will often find them telling you how you deserve better.

Want to know if an affair is true love or not? Watch out how your affair partner keeps telling you how you are compromising in life and how you could do so much better. This way, they are trying to make you see them as someone who values you more.

Honestly, this is just a mind game to make you doubt your relationship further and weigh in on the option you have- them.

You May Also Like: 30 Creative Excuses for Hickeys You Can Use When Caught In The Act

9. They tell you about their personal problems

And we are not just talking to you about some random rants about their wife or husband. We mean they will be sharing all their personal details with you. Their family issues, property disputes, financial obligations, issues with their spouse, and everything else under the sun.

What they are trying to prove is that their love is genuine for you, no frills attached. They want you to know everything about them, and develop a strong emotional connection with you. This one of the ways they want to prove their love to you- by being vulnerable.

As you listen and empathize with them, you will also start to develop feelings for them. That is how emotional affairs turn into love, and more. By being vulnerable with you, they will make you feel like their savior. Most emotional affairs are the result of sharing too many intimate details.

No wonder, as you become their hero, you will eventually end up falling for your affair partner. Head over heels, because don’t we all like to be heroes in others’ lives?

my affair partner said i love you

10. Your affair partner is always at your beck and call

They are always available for you, at the cost of their personal and family time. You will notice how they never reschedule a date or how they actually cancel their plans if you want to meet them. 

There is never a lag when it comes to replying to your text. You post a picture on social media and they are the first one to like it. They are always readily available for you.

They make sure they are by your side, physically or emotionally. They will always look forward to spending time with you over their other engagements. No matter where you are and what you are doing, you will notice that your affair partner makes every effort to be with you. Isn’t this a clear sign of your lover in genuine love with you?

You May Also Like: Exploring Romantic Friendship: A Deep Dive Into This Unique Connection 

11. It not just ‘physical’ anymore

A research states that Boredom and a mundane sex life was the reason 71% of unfaithful men and 49% of unfaithful women gave in to the temptation. And there is no denying the fact that physical attraction is the basis here.

So what may have started as an occasional sexual rendezvous for you has turned into love if your affair partner has developed deeper feelings for you.

What starts as innocent flirting and sharing, blossomed into an emotional affair. And that deep emotional intimacy served as the bedrock for your physical affair. However, now you have emotional connection and physical satisfaction from this affair, just without the marriage.

Your affair partner wants you to notice that it’s not just lust and passionate desires that draw him to you, but his intention is to develop a meaningful connection with you that lasts long.

You May Also Like: Unveiling The Hidden Emotions: 16 Telltale Signs A Man Loves You But Is Afraid To Admit It

12. They are not ‘hiding’ you anymore

One of the sure signs that your affair is turning into a love affair is when your affair partner is not scared to go public with you. Extramarital affairs are usually a hush-hush relationship, and that is what makes them so thrilling and exciting.

Someone who is with you for casual sex will not even think of talking to you in public, let alone being seen with you. But an affair that has turned into love will cross this boundary. 

Your affair partner is head over heels in love with you and they don’t want to hide it anymore. Your affair is out from the hotel rooms to public places and squeezing its way into family gatherings perhaps. They love you and are not scared of the consequences anymore.

13. You can sense their feelings have changed

This is the most basic of the signs your affair partner is falling for you. You can feel it, sense it and know it. It’s in remembering the little details, those long, loving stares, those tender touches, those promises of happily-ever-afters. 

Their body language will give away definite signs of their love for you. The way they take care of themselves, whether it is the impeccable dressing, those extra hours at work aiming for that promotion, or frequenting that gym, you can feel how they want themselves to be the best, for you. And at times, they explicitly will give you credit for being their motivation to do better.

You may have started just a physical affair, but it’s not the same anymore. Whether its you who has started to crave a deeper connection, or those who want the most of you for them, your affair has transformed into something much more serious now.

You May Also Like: 17 Promising Signs He Will Leave His Girlfriend For You

14. They want you to meet their kids and family

This is an absolute nail in the coffin, kind of a sign. If your affair partner invites you to his family gatherings and introduces you to his kids and other close family members, it is a no-brainer that he wants both parties to warm up to each other. 

This usually happens when they have made up their mind about discontinuing their current relationship and have already given hints of someone else in their life. This is one of the clear signs your affair partner has developed real feelings for you and is willing to put whatever they have at stake.

Not to scare you, but this can be a dangerous territory to explore, especially if you are not in the same zone. Tread with caution, the road ahead is lined with all things slippery.

15. ….And want to meet your family

Obvious, isn’t it? Once your affair partner is sure you are all they want in their life, they will make their position solid by impressing the ones closest to you.

If you are also sailing in the same boat and the thought of being with your affair partner excites you about the future, take this as a solid indication that your affair is now a love affair.

how do you know if your affair partner loves you
Image by Freepik

What To Do When Your Affair Partner Has Fallen In Love With You

Extramarital affairs rarely end well. However, there is no denying the fact that love can knock on your door anytime. Can affairs transform into real, long-lasting love? Yes. And quite often.

If you think the above signs resonate with what is happening with your cheating partner, it’s time you take stock of the situation. You should have a clear perspective lest your affair partner says “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you” leaving you perplexed and lost.

Broadly, you just have 2 choices:

1. To continue the affair and see where it takes you

If this is what you have decided, we’d suggest you dig deep into your affair partner’s mind and also look within. If you feel guilty about having an extramarital affair, it may not be a great place to start a new relationship. 

Further, your current partner needs to know about your affair and it will not be in a good spirit. There will be emotional outbursts, pain, harsh accusations, hurt and many questions. Multiply the factors by 100 if kids are involved. 

Betrayals always leave painful wounds that rarely ever heal. It is best to not rush into ending a marriage, and give your current partner enough time and space to swallow the bitter pill of being cheated on. Consider opting for marriage counseling to actually be sure of what you want.

Take all the necessary steps to initiate a separation, talk to a divorce lawyer to help you through.

This May Also Help: Moving On – 15 Clear Signs Your Affair Is Over

2. To end the affair 

If you are not willing to risk your family life and the signs that your physical affair is now an emotional bond are giving you sleepless nights, it is best to end the affair. Again, ending the affair will also come with its own set of bitter feelings, it is only in rare cases that affairs that turn into love come to a close easily.

Infact, a study quotes that a majority (60%) of unfaithful people were not planning to divorce their current spouses before the affair.

Neither of the things can happen overnight, so think through carefully, keeping your well-being a top priority. It is not going to be a smooth transition in either case and will demand a lot of your energy and mental space.

It will surely help to seek the advice of a professional counselor to help you get some closure.

Key Takeaways

  1. It is very much possible for affair partners to fall in love, but if you are just indulging in a casual fling, recognizing the signs your affair partner loves you is critical
  2. If your affair partner confesses their love for you, weigh in your options carefully and objectively
  3. Affairs can never be justified but living under constant guilt can and does interfere with your mental health
  4. Get in touch with a marriage counselor to help you see your perspective

If you are way too invested in this relationship and cannot let go of your current relationship as well, consider being honest with your affair partner. Let them decide, as lifelong extramarital affairs are also a thing.

They serve the same purpose of having someone outside of your marriage to satisfy the needs that your marriage falls short of. Minus the commitment.Whether or not you choose to confess your affair, is another story, another day.


1. Can extramarital affairs be true love?

Yes, love in extramarital affairs is possible if the affair partners have connected on an emotional level and share a deep, emotional bond. It’s not uncommon to fall in love with someone else even when you are in a committed relationship or even a marriage.

2. When do affair partners fall in love?

People usually do not get into affairs because they are looking for love, but when they get more attention, emotional support and physical fulfilment , they tend to take their affair seriously. Affairs start to tackle loneliness and shortcomings of a current relationship. And affairs transform into lasting, fulfilling relationships when affair partners start to outperform current partners on all fronts