Why Ghosters Always Come Back – Reasons And Tips To Respond
Why ghosters always come back? The ever baffling question, isn’t it?
Two months back, you sent a text to the person you thought you were dating, “Hey, can we meet this Sunday for drinks?” And then, a long pause from the other side. You got worried, you texted again, and perhaps again, till the last text. All you got is radio silence. No explanation, no closure—they just disappeared into thin air. Poof!
Cut to the present day. After moping for a while, you finally went on a date with a Tinder match. It was fun to share a coffee and chat with a decent person and you decided to post the cute pictures on social media.
The same night, your phone buzzed, “Hi, I have been thinking a lot about us lately. How are you?” The ghoster reappears.
Coincidence? Or couldn’t they bear your personal growth and the fact that you are moving on?
We hear stories of ghosters coming back from our friends and even offer advice and emotional support. But when the same thing happens to us, we lose all reason.
What’s the real reason your old FWB came back? Is it that your ghost genuinely feels bad or you were a backup plan all along? Let’s put an end to all your confusion and discuss ghosting psychology and how to respond to ghosting.
What Percentage Of Ghosters Come Back
According to an Elle.com survey, 16.67% of male and 24.27% of female participants admitted to ghosting behavior.
Another research done by the dating app Hinge claims that 63% of users agreed that they have ghosted someone.
There is no conclusive data or research on the percentage of ghosters coming back or any specific time frame for them to resurface.
However, a whopping number of people try to reconnect with the person they ghosted.
Perhaps the ghoster realizes they have unresolved feelings for the person they ghosted. Maybe they have their own other selfish reasons. Whatever their purpose is, ghosters come back more often than you thought.
It could take several weeks up to a few years before they come back after disappearing. The longer the better. Because, as time passes they would have experienced personal growth to reflect on their past actions.
And this time when they return for a second chance, at least it won’t be out of sheer impulse. Instead of speculating why ghosters always come back, let’s get to the possible explanations.
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10 Reasons Ghosters May Come Back For
Trying to comprehend a person’s ghosting intentions and the implications of their resurgence can make you miserable. Especially when there are emotions involved. Your true feelings for this person might blind you from recognizing their two-facedness.
Speaking from a past relationship experience, I let this guy toying with my feelings for longer than I am proud to admit.
He would stop texting for days. Then the moment I feel like I can finally breathe or I go out with my friends and post a happy picture, he will be back knocking on my door (well, not literally).
My weakness for him was his trump card. It took me over a year to call out his narcissist pattern and get out of the destructive loop.
If you feel you too are going down the same spiral over and over again, let’s help you understand the reasons why ghosters always come back:
1. They genuinely want you back
As glass-half-full people, we like to see the good in people. Not everyone who disappears and then comes back has an ulterior motive. Even a decent person makes mistakes being too soon to dismiss a potential partner. Perhaps you were the right person for them but at the wrong time.
Your absence made them realize what they had lost. If you two have been together for a while, it will be difficult to overlook the unresolved feelings, for both of you.
They genuinely miss you and want you back after breakup. It won’t be so bad after all if you give it another shot instead of ghosting each other.
2. They regret the pain they caused you
A lot can be going on in a person’s life affecting their actions and judgments. As an outsider, you and I can’t always understand the gravity of their situation. That doesn’t mean they can’t rise above their past actions and start making fine choices in life.
If the ghoster came back and apologized or they explained leaving you for a valid reason, you could think about a second chance. Sometimes, second chances can be the key to a happy, beautiful future.
People feel guilty after hurting someone so close to them. They regret leaving you hanging. Even an admission of that repentance speaks volumes of their integrity and intentions toward you.
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3. Their new relationship didn’t work out
As a common trait, ghosters miss their ex-partner when they are unhappy with their current partner.
In most cases, people ghost when they find someone else a better option than you . They would drop you from their life during the honeymoon phase with their new romantic interest.
Finally, the warm fuzzy feeling wanes and reality hits their paradise. They realize this relationship is nothing compared to the chemistry they shared with you.
They start to feel they are unhappy in their new relationship. The emotional intimacy is missing. Their new partner doesn’t want to watch Star Wars on a lazy Sunday afternoon and it comes as a shock—“What I am doing with him/her!” That’s when the nostalgia sets in.
4. They are jealous of your current relationship status
Think about it—what would be your first reaction when you see your ex with someone new? Hurt? Sure. But we bet there’s a pinch of jealousy even if you try to be totally cool with it.
Well, unlike you, when a ghoster regrets losing their ex to another person, they take the jealousy way too far.
If a guy comes back to you right after you start dating again, what will make of it? He is simply here to play head games. Yes, the ghoster is back to mess with your life and feelings.
You would probably see more of them in the next ten days than in the six months when you were together.
More messages, more bumping into you casually—they would do anything to keep reminding you of the past. Because you moving on and living your best life is a potential threat to a ghoster.
5. They are just keeping you on the hook
It is painful to be on the receiving end of such treatment. But the only reason some ghosters come back to you is because you are their backup plan. They consider you a safe choice to fall back on whenever there is a vacuum in their life.
If they ever feel lonely and need company or just a one-night stand, they will come back to you with a sob story.
You would probably warm up to them thinking they apologized for ghosting. They must have changed. Meanwhile, they look for their next prey on online dating apps. Believe it or not, this is how serial ghosters roll.
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6. They are not emotionally mature enough to realize they are ghosters
Ironical, but it’s one of those rare occurrences we can’t shut out from our lives. One of the reasons why ghosters always come back is because some of them are genuinely unaware of the consequences of their past actions. These people ghost without knowing the implications.
They are so deeply absorbed in their own world that they put barely any effort into empathizing with others. They just assume they will show up and everyone around them will accommodate them like nothing happened and nothing’s changed.
How do you argue with someone for coming back after disappearing when they didn’t know they ghosted you in the first place? What to say to ghosters?
7. They are hardwired to narcissism
Contrary to the emotionally incapable lot, the egomaniac ghosters know exactly what they are doing. When they leave you and come back again without so much of an explanation, not even an admission of their error, they don’t feel any pangs of guilt.
They would rather play hideous mind games to gaslight you into believing that it was you who pushed them away; they are the victim here.
Due to their narcissistic behavior, they feel compelled to think that the whole world revolves around them.
In their version, you are lucky that they chose to come back to you. Someone accepting them after yet another humiliation gives a narcissist the ego boost they thrive on.
8. They saw your photo(s) online
Let’s be honest here—haven’t you put up a fire Instagram post to grab your ghoster’s attention? It’s a trick many of us have relied on just so that person realizes what a gem they have lost looking for stones.
Some breakups agree with you when you try to channel your pain constructively. You achieve the dream summer body. You put your heart and soul into getting that promotion you always wanted. And all the confidence you gather directly reflects on your appearance.
Glimpses of your amazing life on social media, especially that photo in the stunning beach wear are bound to catch your ghoster’s eyes. No wonder they want you back in their life.
9. They are taking advantage of you
When people ghost and cut all ties, it becomes pretty clear they are no longer interested.
Unless of course, they have something to gain from you. There will be signs a ghoster will come back as long as they can rip you off for their own benefit.
We are not talking about just monetary exploitation here, though romance scamming is a huge thing.
They can come back to leverage your high-profile connections to further their cause or maybe because they need a place to crash when they are in town. You are too naive to see it as you think they are genuinely interested in you and there’s hope after all.
10. For some, ghosting is convenient than breaking up
In a study conducted at the University of Alabama, many participants admitted that ghosting is more convenient as a breakup strategy. Our reader Benjamin shares a similar ghosting story with us from Austin, Texas. After being in a serious relationship for three years, his girl blocked him from everywhere, social media and real life.
As heartbreaking as it was, he was still trying to get on with his life. One fine morning, she reappeared and explained leaving him abruptly was an easy escape route. No confrontation, no drama—she only needed a break.
Now she wants to resume from where they left off. How do you deal with this amount of inconsideration from a person you love? We are about to find that out.
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What To Say When A Ghoster Comes Back
Being left on the seen zone or a no-contact zone can take a toll on a person’s life and well-being. Worse, it can hit your self-esteem so bad that you may develop serious trust issues. What rattles you in the first place is the uncertainty of the situation. “Is he ghosting me or testing me?”
That’s the thing with a ghoster, you never know if they genuinely miss you or just came back for the weekly ego boost.
On rare occasions, a ghoster realizes the error of their ways and they do deserve a second chance. But how do you filter the second kind from the first one?
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Is blocking someone who ghosted you a good idea? What to say when a ghoster comes back? Do you take a witty dig at their hurtful behavior or shut people in the first place? Don’t worry. We have some tailormade responses ready for you to implement in different ghosting scenarios:
- Speak your mind: I am glad you texted but I can’t be with someone who puts barely any effort to make it work. If you were genuinely interested, you would have prioritized us along with your job and other commitments
- Be sarcastic: Hey, Casper! How have you been? Haunting someone else these days?
- Try setting boundaries: If we get back together, we will do it on my terms this time. That involves regular communication and opening up to me about your life. I am done living in the dark
- Ask for an explanation: So, you missed me? That’s all? Should I be flattered? You can’t fix this without explaining the past six months
- Put yourself first: Do you realize how many expensive therapy sessions you cost me? Now that I am finally in a better place, I will not let you march in and risk my mental health once again
- Call out their lie: So, you pulled this disappearing act on me because your phone was stolen? I thought you were in Europe the whole summer. At least, that’s what your sister told me. You really should have straightened your story first
- Beat them in their own game: Hi, do I know you? Is it Emily by any chance?
- Lay out your terms: Don’t think you can just show up and I will take you back with open arms. You have missed a lot in the last twelve months. In my dictionary, that means we start from square one. Call me when you are ready to ask me for a first date
Now that you know the reasons why ghosters always come back, do you feel more confident about facing yours? See, we are not mind readers. Sometimes we fall victim to other people’s deception when they go on and live their best lives.
We hope that after today, you will be able to spot the red flags and filter in only those who truly matter to protect your peace and well-being.
FAQs
Yes, female ghosters come back especially when they see that other women find their man attractive too. They realize he had many redeeming qualities and it was a mistake ghosting them so abruptly.
There‘s no definitive time frame for a ghoster to come back. It depends on the length and gravity of the relationship with the person they ghosted. It could be anywhere between a few weeks to several years.
Not all of them, but some ghosters do feel guilty about their actions. They regret hurting someone who really valued them. Many times the guilty feeling sets in when all paths of going back to them are closed.
If the person seems genuinely remorseful about ghosting you and they have a reasonable explanation behind it, then why not? Make sure you are taking them back for the right reasons and not just out of pity or loneliness.
