When a woman gives up on her marriage, it’s not because she is weak or that she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. It’s usually because she is done with enduring misery and sorrow. She has reached her breaking point. However, there are chances that she may still think that this marriage is worth saving. This depends on how you treat her after finding out about her real feelings. 

You will be surprised by this statistic which states that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. Here’s a perfect example: Nicole, played by the sensational Scarlett Johannson, in the movie Marriage Story, initiates the divorce. It hit home with the majority of the audience because of the genuine emotions portrayed in the movie.

She had her set of reasons and that’s exactly what happens in real life. It’s never one problem that drives a couple to separate. Imagine a Pandora’s box hiding all the dirty secrets of a married couple. This is what bursts open when either of the parties has had enough. 

Why Does A Woman Give Up On Her Marriage? 

Marriages are often met with challenges. You go from writing heartwarming vows to each other to writing long hateful paragraphs. She has been through a lot and so have you, but this isn’t the time to play the blame game.

You need to sit down, be mentally strong, and question the whats, whys, and whens to save this failing relationship. Listed below are some common reasons as to why a woman decides to walk away from her marriage:

1. Lack of emotional intimacy 

There can never be a harmonious and fulfilling relationship without an irresistible emotional connection. In fact, it’s more important than physical intimacy.

According to research, women report greater emotional distress when their partners fail to provide them with the emotional closeness they deserve.

The same research concludes that women want to break up with men due to emotional accessibility deficits. When there is an evident lack of emotional connection or intimacy within the marriage, the wife is sure to feel unfulfilled, neglected, and misread. This will make her feel like her own husband is isolating her. 

2. Past unresolved issues 

Of course, every marriage has problems. Even in the most compatible relationships, couples fight for a few hours and then they kiss and makeup. That’s part and parcel of being married.

The problem begins when you start ignoring the conflicts. It starts creating a wall between you and your wife when you sweep these conflicts under the rug. It slowly starts influencing the quality of your marriage. 

A study has found that unresolved conflicts within the marriage can affect the longevity and quality of the marriage because when you leave a problem unresolved you suppress your thoughts and emotions, creating a subconscious tension in the mind, and this tension may cause a new argument in the future.  

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3. Unhealthy marriage dynamics 

When a good woman is done with you, she is also done with unhealthy marriage dynamics. Such dynamics may have worked out in your past relationships but your wife isn’t someone you can take advantage of. Here are some unhealthy marriage dynamics examples:

  • You are the only one making all the decisions without considering the input or preferences of your wife 
  • Controlling your wife’s finances
  • Emotional manipulation 
  • Withholding information and keeping secrets 
  • Threatening and intimidating her 
  • Undermining her independence and autonomy 

If you want to save your marriage, you have to address these issues with sincerity and make your wife feel secure. Work consciously on creating a healthy relationship and you can see your marital relationship improving.

4. Loss of trust 

If she walks away from a marriage, it’s because she doesn’t trust you anymore. Perhaps you cheated on her and she spotted all the signs you are seeing someone else. This has caused her to check out of the marriage. And when a woman discovers she has been betrayed, it shatters her completely.

She goes through a thousand emotions at that time and you need to rethink your actions. Research says that an absence of trust results in more struggles between partners. It will give birth to a lot of emotional instability, conflicts, and eventually an intention to part ways. 

5. Money and other unmet needs

Why does a woman change after marriage? Because you stopped fulfilling her needs. They expect things from you but you can’t provide them. For example:

  • Not satisfying your wife in bed and being selfish 
  • Financial issues or financial infidelity
  • Lack of intellectual connection 
  • A lack of communication 
  • Not validating your partner 
  • Not indulging in love languages 

Along with the other reasons, finance is also one of the major reasons why one spouse starts to secretly resent the other.

According to statistics, it has been estimated that financial problems contribute to 20-40% of all divorces. That means that for every 10 marriages that end in divorce, four of them are because of money.

This includes all kinds of problems related to finances. One or both partners not earning enough, one partner earning more than the other, financial infidelity, indulging in gambling, or being in debt. 

what are the signs a woman is giving up on you?
Image by bearfotos on Freepik

6 Signs She Has Given Up On Her Marriage 

Before she checks out of the marriage physically, she will show all the signs a woman is giving up on you emotionally. Her mind will be all over the place and she may act all confused and fidgety. She is unhappy, dissatisfied and considering walking out on you, and she will drop hints every now and then. Let’s take a look at how you can spot and unravel her strange behavior.

1. She doesn’t appreciate you 

One of the obvious signs your wife doesn’t have feelings for you is when she stops appreciating you. Appreciation is essential for a relationship to survive and thrive. It fosters emotional connection and strengthens the bond between partners. It boosts your wife’s self-esteem and provides reassurance. 

There is unbelievable power in saying “thank you” to your partner. A study has found that Individuals who feel appreciated by their partners have better-functioning relationships that are more resilient to internal and external stressors. So, if she has been acting stressed and she doesn’t appreciate you, it’s because she has given up on her marriage. 

2. She withdraws emotionally and physically from the marriage 

When a woman gives up on her marriage, she displays indifference in her emotions and in the bed. It can be a painful experience to live with someone who doesn’t want to connect emotionally and/or sexually.

If the marriage is worth fighting for, then you need to do something about it. It can be challenging but you can’t let any elephant in the room stop you from being intimate with your wife. 

Here are some signs she has withdrawn from the marriage:

  • She doesn’t want you to touch her anymore
  • She is never in the mood for sex 
  • She hates spending quality time with you
  • She has stopped going on date nights 
  • She prioritizes spending time with her friends and family members 
  • She doesn’t show affection 
  • She talks about past experiences often and compares you to her exes 

3. She has stopped making an effort for you

Efforts like cooking for you, dressing up for you, or buying sweet presents for you will cease. She will stop all the efforts to please and surprise you, because she doesn’t love you anymore.

This will lead to a communication breakdown and will enable resentment and hatred. When your wife doesn’t make an effort to make this marriage work, it makes you wonder if she even wants to be married to you.

This is one of the classic signs you don’t have a solid foundation anymore. Don’t feel sad about it. Instead, try to improve the situation. 

Jason, a 43-year-old investor from Michigan, says, “My wife and I were married for 4 years. She suddenly stopped making an effort to keep me happy. And then, she left me one day. No explanations, justifications, or reasoning. She gave up on me so easily and I am left with a broken marriage without any closure.” 

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4. She fights over petty things

What happens when a woman gives up? She starts fighting over petty things. She will always be annoyed at you for some reason or the other. She will bring up past fights into the current one. No matter how much you try to cheer her up, she will continue giving you the silent treatment. 

“Your partner is either a bully who is using you as his emotional punch bag, or they are displaying violent behavior to provoke attention from you for ‘other’ reasons by constantly picking fights with you. They sound passive-aggressive”, writes a Quora user. 

5. She stops saying the “L” word

When was the last time your wife said “I love you”? It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? That’s because she doesn’t feel that way for you anymore. Her own life is a mess and she is portraying that by showing her lovelessness toward you.

Words of affirmation matter a lot in romantic relationships but when one party doesn’t believe in it, it shows where you stand in her life. 

6. She criticizes everything 

Constructive criticisms are good. You tell your partner that they have stopped being affectionate with you and that you would like them to hold your hands more or kiss you more often.

However, constant criticism is different. When a woman feels like she deserves better, she will find faults in every little thing you do or say. 

It can be incredibly difficult to live with such a woman because it is toxic and it can nibble at your sanity. They will criticize the way you look, talk, eat, and behave, and they will also pick faults in your income. This is when a woman checks out of a relationship completely and it shows that your relationship won’t last forever.

These are some of the obvious reasons for a woman withdrawing her love for a man. Now, what to do when your wife gives up on you? Read along and find out. 

When a woman checks out of a relationship

What Can You Do When A Woman Gives Up On Her Marriage? 

It takes two people to make or break a relationship. If you did something wrong to terribly upset her, it falls on your shoulders to fix this issue. Here are some things you can do if your wife wants to end the marriage:

1. Communicate openly 

Healthy communication is required to build a solid foundation. It keeps the partners happy and content. As research states, it is the heart of the relationship. And has been closely linked to relationship quality.

So, the better your communication style, the happier you will be in your relationship. Here’s how you can initiate an open and honest conversation with your wife:

  • Use “I” statements to describe your feelings
  • Don’t blame her for anything 
  • Stay calm and avoid escalating the matter 
  • Listen to her side of the story 
  • Don’t invalidate her feelings 
  • Be open to feedback 

2. Give her space 

You know what they say? The secret to a happy romantic relationship is not “just good sex”. It is space. If she doesn’t want to talk, then don’t compel her. Don’t make her feel suffocated.

Give her time to process everything that has happened and don’t force yourself on her. Let her have a social life of her own and you do the same. When she is out with her friends, don’t think that your wife is with another man and doubt or question her. This will also add more drama to your existing problems.

“Having enough space or privacy in a relationship is more important for a couple’s happiness than having a good sex life”, writes Dr. Terri Orbuch a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.

3. Don’t cheat on her 

Just because she is away from you doesn’t mean you will betray her and start rebound relationships. Marriages don’t work that way. You have to prove that you are loyal till the divorce papers are signed.

We say this because infidelity isn’t a light issue. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), infidelity in the United States accounts for 20-40 percent of divorces.  

If you cheat on her when she is already mad at you, things will only get worse from here. And if you cheated on her previously and that’s the reason for her giving up on you, it’s best to lay low and keep your head down. Don’t immediately jump and think about having future relationships. 

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4. Do some self-reflection 

Self-reflection is a valuable practice for personal growth and understanding, especially if things are chaotic at the moment. It’s one of the ways that’ll help you love yourself. Here’s a guide on how to engage in self-reflection:

  • You can write in a journal all your negative thoughts 
  • Try mindfulness meditation like yoga or Tai Chi
  • Create mind maps or even have a quiet conversation with yourself
  • Reassess your dreams and goals 
  • Consider your own feelings and negative emotions. Reflect on why you feel a certain way and what may have contributed to those emotions
  • Focus on personal growth
  • Stay positive 

5. Understand her needs 

It can be incredibly difficult to grasp what’s happening in your life. The woman you loved is on the verge of leaving you and you don’t know what to do. Well.

Try understanding her needs because she has a different mentality than yours. Just because you think your marriage is perfect doesn’t mean she thinks the same. She feels there is something amiss in your dynamics.

So, What is lacking in this marriage according to her? Is it money? Support? Love language? Sex? Comfort zone? Is she expecting more empathy from you? Does she want reassurance?

Find out what she wants and be patient. This is the person you agreed to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t take her for granted and let her get out of this marriage without fighting for it. 

she gave up on me so easily
Image by yanalya on Freepik

6. Apologize and make amends

If you were in the wrong, it’s best to take responsibility for it and apologize. I am sorry. No ifs, no buts, and no coconuts.

Research demonstrates that through apologies, individuals take responsibility for their actions, show respect for others’ feelings, and work towards rebuilding trust and understanding each other better. This is one of the easiest ways to make her happy.

Sincerely apologize to your wife. Don’t try to give any justifications for what you did and don’t force her to forgive you. If she is over it, she will forgive you on her own.

Right now, your only duty is to be sincere in your apology and ensure that you don’t repeat the same mistakes moving forward. 

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7. Try building all kinds of intimacy 

Don’t lose out on your wife just because of a few mistakes and misunderstandings. Give it one more chance and remind her that she is loved by establishing all kinds of intimacy including:

  • Emotional intimacy, where you share emotional things with your partner 
  • Physical closeness, including touch, hugs, kisses, and sexual intimacy
  • Intellectual intimacy, where you share ideas and engage in meaningful conversations
  • Spiritual intimacy and connecting on a deeper level through shared values, beliefs, and practices
  • Experiential intimacy like engaging in shared activities and creating memories together
  • Financial intimacy by being open and transparent about financial matters

8. Spend more quality time 

Try to spend as much quality time as you can with your wife by participating in recreational activities together. It will foster a unique kind of connection.

For example, you can have shared hobbies, sports, or leisure activities. You can also just spend an evening at home and ask each other relationship questions or play board games.

You can talk about important things or play silly games like “Never Have I Ever” or “Truth or Dare”. These things will nurture your bond and fix the problems that were there in the first place.

Or you can just spend the night talking your heart out and about other important things. This is because she’s feeling distant from you and when you spend time with her, she will feel like the two of you are becoming one again. 

9. Show consistent effort 

Try saving your marriage by showing consistent effort, You hurt her. Then, you tried once to sort the situation but she didn’t reciprocate. What do you do? Do you give up and chase other women or do you make a consistent effort to prove that you want her back?

If it’s the latter, then you are almost there in winning her back. Show her that she means the world to you. 

“The more effort that is put into a relationship, the stronger it is. The only way to maintain a relationship is by investing time and energy into one and having the other person reciprocate”, writes Dan Schwebel in his blog, who has led over 60 researches and is a New York Times best-selling author.

Key Takeaways 

  • Statistics reveal that it’s usually women who initiate divorce 
  • The reasons include a lack of emotional closeness, unresolved issues, and financial problems 
  • Some of the signs a wife is giving up on her marriage are ignoring you, being indifferent toward you, and passing criticisms 
  • You can communicate openly and show consistent effort to win her back 

Marriages are complicated but they are always worth fighting for. Seek professional help and take couples therapy if nothing works. Talk to your friends and family members about this situation and take their advice too. It’s important for you to remember that both partners play a role in the success of a marriage. Hence, a collaborative effort is essential. We hope you found this article helpful.