When A Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off: 10 Possible Reasons

Once I was dating this cute guy I met in the coffee house. Everything was going well, we were chatting now and then, and he started giving me butterflies, and I had already planned a future with my good boyfriend. But, bam! One day he decided to pull away and went cold all of a sudden. And, I was left wondering, ‘Why does he act interested one minute and distant the next?’ What do I do when a guy acts interested then backs off? – Like that, my head was spinning with numerous questions.

As fun and interesting dating sounds, it also comes with such hurtful situations. Are you facing this issue too? This article is for you. We will discuss 10 possible reasons why has he backed off and things you can do on your part to handle the problem.

Let’s begin!

10 Possible Reasons A Guy Backs Off After Showing Interest

Will a guy back off if he likes you? If you think this question has only popped into your head, you’re not alone, Girl! Multiple people on Quora, have shared their experiences of how guys chased them in the beginning and then ghosted.

One of them said “I had started talking to a guy. We’d text and talk and I was impressed by how interested and attentive. After a date or two, he suddenly disappeared. He pursued me then backed off, why do guys switch up so fast?”

The answer from my experience is that there can be many reasons why guys pull off a relationship after being interested. Starting from the ‘fear of commitment’ (remember Chandler Bing!) to the fear of Where one moment, they’re sending you cute messages, making you feel special, and the next, guys act distant or disappear altogether.

Don’t worry, let’s just not assume things for your guy and dive into some of the common reasons why a guy acts interested then pulls away.

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1. He has other things going on

First and foremost. There is a huge possibility that he has other priorities. I mean, come on, life gets busy. He might be dealing with stress at work, university, or family issues, and suddenly, he has less energy or time to focus on a relationship. We all face these situations.

This might be the reason that he suddenly backs off after chasing you. Perhaps something is there that needs his attention, and you have just concluded that he’s lost interest in you.

2. He is SCARED

You may wonder why is he acting distant all of a sudden, so, along with other factors, there’s a slight chance he has freaked out. Just as we watch in movies or shows, guys get cold feet when they realize this is going to be a serious relationship– it’s pretty much the same.

• He might be genuinely interested but he is worried about getting his heart broken
• The idea of getting too close or a committed relationship might make him nervous (as cliched as it seems, it does happen)
• He might be backing off to avoid dealing with those intense feelings

It’s also important to remember that everyone is different. Sometimes it gets difficult for people to handle situations, especially like these (so he starts pulling himself back.)

3. He is confused (not scared) about his feelings

It’s frustrating when they make you feel special then leave. The bottom line is that feelings can be tricky, even for guys. Maybe he likes truly you, but might still be dealing with hurtful past experiences and might not be ready for you.

Have you ever noticed when you try to make eye contact, but he resists and looks away? Or, when you guys are talking well, he goes hot and cold? These are a few signs he is pretending not to like you. He could be trying to figure out what he wants.

Sometimes, people need time to think things through.

Think about it this way: feelings are like a rollercoaster. Sometimes they’re up, sometimes they’re down, and sometimes they’re just plain confusing!

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4. He’s too nervous to make the first move

Imagine this– A guy really likes you, but he’s so nervous about messing things up that he acts kind of distant. Inside, he’s probably going crazy trying to figure out the right way to tell you how he feels.

A guy might seem a bit cold but don’t automatically assume he’s not into you. He might want a genuine connection, but something more going on than meets the eye. He is just not sure of how to make the first move.

5. He thinks you are too emotional

Another reason that guys disappear can be you are being too needy and emotional too early in the relationship. Chatting and all is great, but did you ask him to pamper you already or did you seek emotional support at a very early stage of your relationship? – this is where he loses interest.

As loving as it sounds to us women, men perceive it as not so romantic. Yes, men and women are different people. Even as per research, women are more likely to fall in love quickly, while men’s masculine energy doesn’t allow them to do it. It’s just how our brains (hearts) work.

• You might be diving in a little too fast
• It takes years to build a romantic long-term relationship where men are comfortable enough to pamper you (otherwise guys act weird)

Think of it like an engine – they need their own pace to work!

6. He has not moved on from a breakup

My friend once had a brutal breakup and it took him over two years to get over it (yes, two years!). He was heartbroken and probably going through the worst phase of his life.

Has your guy ever told you about any such thing like this? If yes, that’s totally normal, and it’s okay if he’s taking things slow. But, there’s a big difference between going slow and giving mixed signals.

Find out:

• If he’s just healing: Give him some space and time. Everyone needs that after a terrible breakup
• If he’s still into his ex: You might end up feeling like you’re second best. It’s not a great feeling, right? He may be using you to move on from a breakup that he had recently.

Take your time getting to know him. Pay attention to how he talks about his ex because you deserve someone who’s fully into you. You don’t want to someone’s rebound.

7. He is testing you

When he disappears after talking lovey-dovey with you, he might be trying to figure out how much you care about him. Imagine you’re dipping your toe in water to see how cold it is – that’s kind of what he’s doing.

Once I had a similar encounter and I just called up my friend (as usual) to seek some dating advice. I told her “I had been talking to this guy, and everything was going well, but after a few days, he was not showing as much interest in our setup as before. Is he testing me by pulling away or has he lost interest in me? Why does he act interested one minute and distant the next?”

She replied that there was a possibility that he was playing hard to get. Guarded men do not commit easily and so to ensure you are everything they are looking for, they test your intentions.

He might be:

• Checking to see if you miss him: Is he important to you? Do you notice when he’s not around?
• Seeing if you’re okay with him being less available: Can you handle him not being there as much?

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8. He only wants a sexual relationship

Um! That may sound bad to you, but there’s a chance that he only wants to be friends with benefits with you. He might not be looking for anything serious and is in it for just casual sex. And, there’s a possibility that he’d done this with other women too.

If you are okay with a no-strings attached relationship, and are on the same page, then this might just work. However, if your expectations from the relationship are different, it will be a nightmare for you.

While sex in a relationship is crucial to spice up the love lives, if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay to say NO.

9. He is dating other girls too

As brutal as this may sound, he may not be a one-woman man. It could be a possibility that he is not in one relationship and dating many women at once.

I had asked a known one about this to which he said “A guy would do such things when he is not sure about the partner or he just likes playing games, keeping options open for his own good” — as disgusting as this sounds, it’s often the truth.

9. He thinks you are not the one

Well, lastly, the one thing that you had been thinking all this time might be the truth! He may have met someone else, with whom he’d clicked instantly, and now thinks you’re not the one.

Sorry, girl, I can totally understand how it feels to be unloved by someone you’d thought would be the man of your life. But it’s okay, it’s life, such things happen!

Now you know why a guy shows interest and then you know. Now, it’s time to do some damage control.

Read on to know what to do when a guy acts interested then backs off.

What To Do When A Guy Starts Backing Off?

By now you have imagined all sorts of bad things about yourself, right? Why doesn’t he like me? Is he being distant or am I overthinking, am I good enough for him? Should I stalk him on the gram to know what’s he doing? And so on.

Wait! This is not your fault, maybe it’s just the bad timing. So learn 8 tips on what to do, understand, and act!

1. Talk to him

The first step and the best solution to resolve any conflict is to talk to the person! As per a Harvard psychologist, conversation is the key to any happy relationship.

• Talk openly to him
• Tell him that you’re not comfortable with the backing off situation
• Be honest about your feelings (so you both are on the same page)

If he’s really scared or confused about his feelings, this move will help him think through it. It’ll give him the confidence that you are into him and fighting for the relationship!

2. Give space to him

While talking to him may help, if he’s still confused, try giving him some space. This doesn’t mean that you are required to break up with him, just let him have his boundaries. It shows your emotional maturity.

• If he’s going out for a game with his dudes, don’t force him to tag you along
• If he’s out on a vacation with the family, don’t text or call him now and then
• Let him enjoy his time with his people

He may get back to you when he’ll see that you’re okay with giving boundaries and not clinging along.

3. Don’t be a detective

Even though your intrusive thoughts ask you to be the Sherlock Holmes and investigate everything he’s been doing, JUST DON’T! No personal attacks– this may only harm your relationship.

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4. Know his love language

As much as we girls love our partners doing things for us, men want that too. Maybe this is where you are lacking behind. People don’t tell you openly about it, you need to find it out. The common love languages are:

• Acts of service
• Spending quality time
• Physical touch
• Getting gifts
• Words of affirmation

For instance, my partner’s love language is words of affirmation— he needs verbal support. So, I communicate with him every day about how much he means to him and always want to know more and more about him (every day.)

Remember, no one’s a perfect partner, everyone needs affection and care. And men are no exception. You need to find your guy’s love language too and make him feel loved in that way! It might help bring his interest back to you.

5. Focus on yourself

Amidst finding love, you need to make sure that your physical and mental health are not affected. It might feel like you should focus solely on your relationship, but believe me, you need to look after yourself too.

Here’s what you can do:

• Get moving: Exercise is like magic for your mood. Even a short run or a quick yoga session can do wonders for your personal growth
• Eat healthy: Fuel your body with good food. It might sound simple, but eating balanced meals can give you the energy to tackle anything
• Find ways to relax: Maybe it’s reading a book, taking a bath, or listening to music. It’s important to give your mind a break

You know how people always say that they were going through a tough breakup, but then they started doing yoga every morning to have control of their own emotions and it really helped. You can do it too!

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish– it’s essential.

6. Go out with your girls

A girl’s night stay (one of the best things) helps every time. It will help you take your mind off from this whole getting ghosted situation.

This is what I mean:

• Try making plans with your besties, like a night stay of fun. You could order pizza, watch movies, or even do a spa night
• Spice things up with a theme party! It could be anything from ’80s night to a costume party
• Sometimes, the best plans are no plans at all. Just hang out, talk, laugh, and forget about your troubles

So, gather your squad and laugh so hard, that you almost forget you were even upset!

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7. Let him go

If talking to him, giving him space, or showing affection to him doesn’t help you, he’s not the one. If he’d been acting interested in you, he might not have gone at first or would have come back after seeing your efforts!

However, if you still feel like talking one last time, meet him personally and communicate your final thoughts to seek closure.

Otherwise, you are not required to waste your time and energy for a one-sided relationship. Don’t lose your self-respect. Let him go, girl! And, sometimes walking away is for the best.

Yes, it would be difficult (especially if you were highly invested in him). But, at the end of the day, you deserve someone, who loves you as much or more than you do.

8. Consider therapy

If you think ‘move on’ is a big deal or think that it’s not easy for you to let him go completely, consult with a therapist (it’s a good thing). Ask them anything, they are professionals and can help you find all the answers. Eventually, you will deal with this breakup effectively.

After reading this, you know what to do when a guy acts interested then backs off. But, the bottom line is that you deserve someone who’s equally invested in you. (I waited so long to finally find an emotionally mature person).

While relationships require some compromise, be mindful of his actions, don’t let anyone take advantage of you being in love! Okay, girl? Now, get to the work– good things might be on the way for you!