Confusion, frustration, and disruption are a few things that take place in your mind when all of a sudden the girl you are interested in acts like she doesn’t even know you. You can sense she is pulling away, now that she’s acting cold and rude when she was lovely to you earlier. So, what to do when she pulls away after showing that she is interested in you?

You can sense she has created distance between you two, and a thousand questions cloud your mind. Why is she pulling away from you? How do you act when someone pulls away? Is this relationship over?

A situation like this can be challenging but don’t worry. We are here to guide you on how to turn the tables when she pulls away. You can try to understand her better to find out if she is trying to test you or is simply not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Read along and find out the main reasons why she’s pulling away and what you can do to make her stay.

6 Main Reasons Women Pull Away 

She was obsessively texting you day and night but now it’s radio silence. There is no late night text conversation and perhaps she’s even leaving you on seen. You are scared what’s wrong, and rightly so.

While every woman and the relationship dynamic is unique, there can be several common reasons why women pull away in a relationship. These reasons can vary depending on the circumstances and the people involved. However, here are some common factors: 

1. She’s found someone else 

This can be heartbreaking, but is one of the main reasons why a woman pulls away after spending a lot of time with someone. Perhaps you weren’t the only one she was dating. Or maybe she is contemplating reaching out to her ex.

Maybe she thought the other guy is better than you so she chose him. She went from too much contact to not contacting you at all. This ceased communication is a big indication that her attention has shifted elsewhere. 

On the other hand, perhaps her ex came back and she thought it’s best to give him another chance rather than start over from scratch with a new guy like you. If that’s the case, then ignore her when she pulls away and you move on to better people in life. 

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2. She has commitment phobia

This is another common reason why she’s acting all aloof and distant. She has severe commitment issues that is also known as Gamophobia or relationship anxiety because of which she thinks it’s best to ghost you rather than face you and tell you what’s wrong.

Such a phobia usually stems if her previous relationships were abusive and traumatic. She may fear that you will try to change her or you will try to enforce your decisions, opinions, and judgments on her.  

Moreover, some women don’t commit because they always think they deserve better. “The grass is greener on the other side” feeling makes some people jump from one person to another without giving it a second thought. No points for guessing that her pulling away is a blessing for you!

3. She doesn’t find you attractive anymore

This one can pinch you a little but hey, it’s really not a big deal. You like someone but that doesn’t mean that she should like you back too. There’s no such rule. You just have to accept it and not let this rejection define your self-esteem.

If you have struggled to figure out signs of attraction from her, your gut feeling is probably right She does not see you as the ‘one’ and is simply with you for some superficial reasons.

Don’t let your inner demons and negative emotions make you feel like you are not worthy of anyone’s love and adoration. It’s good that she pulled away before it became serious. Otherwise, it would have been harder to let go. It would have made things complicated. 

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4. She thinks you’re clingy 

Before really blaming a girl for pulling away, it might be a good idea to look within. Did you text her 24×7? Did you want to know what she was doing all the time? Did you show off traits of jealousy when she spoke to other guys? Kept holding her hand throughout the dates? Wanted to commit just after two weeks of knowing her?

If you answered yes to all these questions, then there are chances of you love bombing her and being all clingy with her. You may have thought this will make a woman feel wanted and desired, but that is not always the case. You see, the potential reasons she pulled away are just some behavioral gestures that are not appealing.

Some women find this quality extremely off putting. This could be one of the reasons why she isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship with you yet. Stand back and don’t force her to reply to you or meet with you. That’s the only logical step to take here. 

5. She has other issues 

When she suddenly pulls away, it could be because of other exterior reasons such as career problems, family issues, or other mental health problems. Perhaps she wants to focus on her work life at the moment and doesn’t want to make you feel like you are not her priority.

Maybe she is going through the loss of a loved one and wants to mourn alone. She wants to take care of her own life without involving a third party. So, whatever her reason is, don’t try to coerce her into having a love life with you. She is going through a lot. You need to be empathetic with her.

The best approach inn this case is to wait it out, let her figure things on her own and if it is meant to be she will find her way back to you.

6. She is testing you

Are you wondering why is she pulling all of a sudden when you thought you were vibing and getting to a great start? Well, some women pull off to test your strength. As per this Reddit thread, women pull away to test whether a man would get all desperate and clingy or goes on with his life.

Some comments do suggest this might be looked down as hurtful and insulting behavior. When my friend Karen pulled away from a guy she liked to test him, he simply broke up with her. We leave this at your discretion!

Bonus: Its in your head

Yes! You are most likely overthinking. She was perhaps very affectionate at the beginning of the relationship and now she is not all that lovey dovey, or not as often. It is natural.

Perhaps she is not acting cold, but just being normal. Maybe she has her mind occupied elsewhere and instead of supporting her, you are complaining of her not being in the mood.

You just want her to be the same affectionate, attention giving parter 24*7, which is impossible. Don’t be that kind of clingy partner.

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Or it is your anxiety. My friend’s ex used to get so worked up whenever she asked for some me-time that he used to message her friends asking them if he’s done anything wrong. This seemed cute in the initial stages of dating but eventually became a deal breaker when he kept texting her while she was mourning the loss of someone close.

Do not let your anxiety and possessiveness take the better of you, or that will defiitely make her pull away from you.

Now that you know some of the potential factors why she has pulled away, read along and find out what you can do to make your situation better.

woman pulling away emotionally
Image by Freepik

What To Do When She Pulls Away?

Let’s address the big question: you have noticed the signs she is pulling away, you can sense the distance, you can feel the detachment. What should you do? What are your optio

When the girl you like has suddenly backed off and is acting rude, it’s important to handle the situation with care and consideration. Listed below are some steps you can take:

 1. Give her space and do nothing, literally

When she backs away do nothing. Just nothing at all.

Yes, and we mean it. It’s crucial to respect her need for more space. There’s a reason why she has decided to take this step. You can ask her to give you a reason or any kind of closure.

But if she refuses to answer your questions and ignores you repeatedly, it’s best to avoid being overly clingy or demanding during this time. Let her have the time and freedom to sort out her thoughts and emotions. Let the relationship take its own pace. You have just started dating and cannot help her find solutions to problems you know nothing about.

As mentioned earlier, there are chances of her going through personal issues or she is feeling overwhelmed by your constant need for attention. This is one of the biggest reasons why a woman pulls away after showing interest.

So, give her the time she needs to sort her issues. If she comes back, she is yours. If she doesn’t, she never was. It’s as simple as that. 

2. Communicate openly and ask her

Relationship experts swear on communication being the answer to all relationship problems. Therefore, if she stills meets you and responds to you occasionally, then it’s best to openly talk about it.

Have an open and honest conversation about the situation. Ask her what is wrong, but maintain a casual approach to the matter.

Ask if she wants to slow things down and try to express your concern and ask if there’s anything specific that’s causing her to withdraw. When a woman pulls away, it could be because she is hesitant to speak her heart out for the fear of being judged.

If she’s afraid in anyway, ensure you create a safe environment for her so she can discuss without interruption and any prejudice.

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Let her know that it’s a safe and non-judgmental space for her to share whatever she is going through. Ask open-ended questions and also ask her openly if there is anything about you that she doesn’t like or if any past relationships are the reason for her withdrawal.

Remember to not try manipulate or blame her. Just tell her you have been noticing some changes and are wondering if you can talk.

When she’ll feel safe with you, she will be vulnerable with you and confess all her insecurities and traumas with you. This will give you a unique insight on how to approach the situation now that you know where the problem lies. 

Don’t start to examine your relationship if it’s only been two days where she hasn’t been her usual self. Wait and observe for atleast 2 weeks.

3. Focus on yourself 

When she starts pulling away, use this opportunity to focus on your personal growth and well-being. Try to rebuild your self-esteem by being kind to yourself. Focus on your own needs. Don’t go blaming yourself for the downfall of this relationship, instead trust yourself and your awesomeness.

Some of the things you can do for self-improvement include:

  • Engaging in activities that make you happy like reading books, painting, watching movies, and hanging out with friends. These can be a great distraction rather than fixating on how to turn the tables when she pulls away 
  • Take care of yourself by following a healthy diet, working out regularly, and practicing meditation 
  • Battle negative thoughts with positive ones
  • Spend time building positive relations 
  • Take just a few minutes a day to journal your thoughts. By doing this, you are ensuring you don’t bottle up your emotions 

The more you focus on yourself, the more you make time for yourself, the more you will be able to think clearly about what you want.

4. Avoid playing games 

Not everyone will understand this but if you want to come out of this whole situation as a bigger person, it’s best to avoid playing games. Possibly the worst thing to do in relationships would be playing games or manipulating your parter to succumb to your need and whims.

When women pull away, the like to take the time out to reconsider the relationship. And when you get down to playing silly manipulation games, it makes it easier for her to cease the relationship completely.

You are giving her a solid reason to dump you. Such mind games have never helped anyone. They have only brought destruction and can harm the relationship further. Instead, focus on open and honest communication, authenticity, and respect. 

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5. Maintain your own support system 

One person rejects you. That doesn’t mean you will start rejecting all the people who have loved you since time immemorial. Your own world needs love and respect. So, try to fast-forward slow and painful days by reconnecting with your friends and family.

It is important to have a support system of friends and loved ones who can provide emotional support during this time. Connect with the your people.

Share your feelings and concerns with trusted individuals who can offer guidance and perspective. Or get in touch with a certified relationship coach. They will help you feel heard and valued, even if they do not have any tailor-made solution.

Your emotional well-being depends on this because if you cut ties with everyone at this moment, there are chances of you feeling lonely and left out. This is not good for your mental health. 

Connect with your friends

6. Avoid assuming things 

Speculating and overthinking can lead to unnecessary stress and misunderstandings. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and assume the worst when someone pulls away. You may conclude the relationship is over for her when she may just be taking a break. You may think a lot of negative things about her at this moment.

You will feel overwhelmed all the time and your thought process will only focus on why she pulled away. None of them may make good sense. 

You are just causing yourself pain by doing so. And humans always end up thinking the worst about people. Hence, you are creating a negative mindset for yourself by assuming is the worst. That’s why it’s crucial to avoid making assumptions without seeing the clear picture. 

7. Don’t badmouth her 

This is one of the cheap things most guys end up doing after facing rejection. Trash talking about a girl who left you and is no more in your life shows what kind of a person you are. It shows a lack of respect and empathy toward her.

We get it. You are hurt and frustrated. But that doesn’t give you the authority to malign her image. This creates negativity, damages trust, and escalates conflicts. Difficult love situations test your composure and integrity.

Let’s say she’ll realize her mistake one day and she decides to come back to you. Imagine if she finds out about this through a mutual friend. This may permanently damage the relationship.

So, always strive for maturity and handle difficult situations with grace and dignity. This is undoubtedly a healthy way of dealing with negative emotions. 

8. Be prepared for different outcomes 

While it’s important to hope for the best and expect her to come back, it’s also essential to be prepared for different (and perhaps undesirable) outcomes. Understand that her pulling away may indicate that she’s no longer interested in you. Or that she is creating distance because you are not the one you were once before.

Perhaps the relationship may not be working for her. You also need to keep in mind that maybe she has someone else in her life now or has gotten back with her ex. Regardless of the reason, you need to accept this situation. 

What’s more is that being prepared for different outcomes will help you in building emotional resilience. It allows you to adapt and adjust your emotions, feelings, and expectations accordingly. This resilience is essential for your own well-being as it will help you move on with greater ease. 

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9. Stay positive 

On the other hand, maintain a positive outlook. It’s easy to get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions when a girl pulls away. Try to maintain a positive mindset and focus on the aspects of your life that bring you happiness.

Find ways to be happy. Put more effort and try to surround yourself with positivity and optimism. Don’t let a woman’s silence weigh you down. 

While doing this, try to take some time to reflect on your own behavior and actions in the relationship. Consider if there’s anything you might have done or said that could have contributed to her pulling away. Take responsibility for your part, apologize if necessary, and be open to making positive changes. 

10. Keep communication channels open 

While it’s important to give her space, it’s equally important to keep the lines of communication open. Don’t block her immediately or throw her out of your life for rejecting you. That shows you have a bruised ego.

When a guarded girl pulls away, just drop her a message and let her know that you are here for her and willing to listen whenever she is ready to talk.

Just let her know you respect her need for space ad you are there, just a text away. Occasionally send a text checking on her. Ask about her, don’t start about how tough this has been on you.

Respecting her need of space will make her respect you. Women are attracted to men who are secure (atleast on surface level).

There is a possibility that she is acting out of childhood traumas and past experiences. So, avoid pressuring her into opening up but make it clear that you are available when she needs you. By following this practical advice, you are showing her how mature and understanding you are. Women love these qualities in men. 

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11. Don’t make her feel guilty 

This is one of the mistakes guys make when a girl pulls away. They guilt-trip her. In simple words, making her feel guilty for pulling away is not a constructive or a healthy approach to have if you are looking to be in a committed relationship with her down the lane.

This guilt-tripping can create resentment, damage trust, and hinder open communication. There goes your chances of winning her back. When you understand her situation, you are letting her see your kindness and your empathic nature. This is one of the relationship core values you need to instill in yourself if you want to have a harmonious love life. 

texting red flags before first date
Image by Freepik

And if she has openly confessed that she doesn’t like you and wants to end this relationship, don’t hold on to this and hold her responsible for your shortcomings and heartbreak.

Instead, maintain a healthy mindset by focusing on self-love, positivity, and personal growth. These exact steps will allow you to approach the situation with a clearer perspective and make decisions that align with your own values and happiness. 

12. Make her feel sorry for hurting you – but with kindness

No. We aren’t going to do anything shady, sinister, or sly to make her feel sorry. We are just going to kill her with kindness. Well, not literally.

Just try to understand her perspective and emotions. Put yourself in her shoes and consider the reasons behind her actions and decisions. Show her affection as she’s unsure and in a state of complete confusion. Such a kind act will make her regret her decision of shutting you out. 

Furthermore, responding with empathy helps foster understanding and creates a more compassionate environment. Recognize that everyone has their own struggles and challenges.

Be patient with her and avoid rushing the process. Kindness, empathy, and patience can go a long way in maintaining a healthy connection. 

13. Don’t try to make her feel jealous 

If your aim is to win her back, then making her feel jealous is only going to make things worse. It can lead to feelings of insecurity, mistrust, and resentment between the two of you. Mainly, it’s because inciting jealousy is an act of manipulation. This is what narcissists do. The guy takes his frustration out by going on multiple dates and posting it online. That’s the way they boost their injured self-esteem. Don’t be like them. 

So, even if you are seeing other women, it’s best to keep it to yourself. You can come clean about this when she’s ready to date you again and when you have a healthy relationship with her. Till then, don’t try to make her feel jealous by posting pictures of all the girls you go out with. 

14. Reflect and introspect

This break in your relationship is the perfect time to reflect on yourself and introspect your relationship. Be objective and unbiased and see how the relationship has bee holding so far.

Can you spot the signs of a good relationship? Did you understand her love language? Did you compliment her often? Prepare a list of questions and answer them as honestly as you can.

Your next steps should culmiate from the answers to questions like:

  • Are you both happy in the relationship?
  • Have you established (and respect) healthy dating boundaries?
  • Have you been clingy and possessive about her?
  • Has any recent incident made her question the relationship?
  • Have either of you been oblivious of each others’ needs?
  • Are your relationship expectations being met?

And so on.

Answers to these questions will give you a better picture of how you view your relationship, If you are honest enough, you may be able to spot signs of inconsistencies in your behavior and approach to the relationship as a whole.

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Should You Ignore Her When She Pulls Away? 

A woman pulling away emotionally could either be because she doesn’t like you or because she’s unsure. The mistakes guys make when a girl pulls away are acting desperate and clingy, which women usually read as a red flag.

If this situation persists for an extended period or causes significant distress, it’s important to seek clarity through open and honest communication.

If she refuses to answer, then yes. You should ignore her back. The fact that she doesn’t care about clarifying her feelings with you speaks volumes about her non-confrontational attitude. She is either a coward or doesn’t respect you enough to give you closure. 

However, if she clearly tells you she’s not sure about you, then stop with all the phone calls. Draw boundaries and respect her feelings. This will create an environment where you come out as a bigger person.

She will thank you for understanding her and there is a possibility of you winning her heart all over again. So, it all comes down to fostering an environment full of positivity, empathy, and kindness.

Key Takeaways 

  • Sometimes, women, like anyone else, may occasionally need time and space to focus on themselves. This could be one of the signs she is pulling away 
  • Other reasons include her fear of commitment, psychological issues, and a loss of attraction 
  • You can try to get a handle on this situation by avoiding thrash talk, making her feel jealous, and by focusing on self-growth and self-love 
  • You can finally let her go if she completely cuts all kinds of communication with you 

They say what you seek is seeking you. So, ignoring her completely is not the way to go because you don’t want to give the impression that you don’t care or aren’t interested. You need to show you are still interested but without looking desperate and needy.

Try to find a balance between respecting her need for space and staying connected. But whatever you do, avoid doing things that will make the situation worse. Don’t try to gossip about her or try to make yourself look like a victim. This kind of behavior only leads to more problems and doesn’t help anyone.