Perhaps one of the most disturbing phases of a marriage for a woman would be to question herself if her husband is still attracted to her. It could be 2 years or 20 years, but if at a point in life you find yourself looking for signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive, your marriage is definitely not in a happy place.

Research suggests that couples experience marital happiness and satisfaction if they feel attracted to each other. Physical attraction is probably the first thing we notice in potential partners, and is an important key in any successful marriage. 

Everyone ages, we tend to put on weight, adorn a few wrinkles and even lose a few hair, you are not looking drop-dead gorgeous anymore, but if your husband’s eyes still shine when he sees you, boy! You already feel like the woman you were in your prime!

But if your husband does not find you attractive, it can spell trouble in your paradise. What are the signs your husband is losing interest in you sexually? Let’s go through them, with some realistic tips to reignite the fire again.

15 Painful Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive Anymore

Before you go through this list, we want you to keep an open mind. Do not jump to conclusions, do not assume and definitely do not blame yourself. Sometimes, affection can take a hit because we have too much on our plate already. Work, kids, family, financial liabilities etc.. can all affect a couples’ life in ways more than one. 

In such a case, an initiative from your side to understand the problem and resolve it with mutual effort would put you out of your misery. Temporary setbacks do not necessarily mean he has lost interest in you, but that he needs you help and support in dealing with his issues.

Let’s look at the probable signs your husband does not feel attracted to you anymore

1. Sex is out of the window

Yes, you guessed it right.The man who could not keep his hands off you, is now barely even touching you. Physical intimacy has simply disappeared from your marriage, which is actually the easiest way to show love and affection. Periods of dry spell are fairly common in long-term marriages, but a marriage cannot thrive without sex at all.

Given the fact that marital happiness is directly associated with sexual satisfaction, lack of sex is a sure giveaway that your husband does not want you sexually, anymore. Physical touch is the love language of most men, so a man who has not expressed interest in lovemaking for a long time is surely not into you anymore. 

Or if your sex life is stagnant with the same moves, lacking the passion and the heat is also a sign something is off. You can feel it easily if your husband is doing it as a chore, you can identify his lack of interest in the whole act. Compare the sex now with the sex before, and if you are not satisfied we suggest you have an honest conversation to avoid relationship problems that seem to be on the way. 

2. There are too many fights

All couples fight. According to a survey on relationship arguments, conducted in May 2022, 30% of the 1000 U.S. adult citizens said they fight once a week. Just 3% of couples do not fight, as per this survey, But more on that later.

Infact, arguments are considered healthy for a relationship to thrive. However, if all your husband does is argue with you for the simplest of things, that is a recipe for disaster. If you notice your husband creating fights out of thin air then it indicates he wants to have a reason to not have to speak with you. First, he will look for excuses to pick a fight, and then will give you the silent treatment showing no interest in talking things out.

This shows his disregard for you and your feelings. Picking up arguments also gives him an excuse to ignore you sexually as well. If this is what you have noticed off late, get him on the table and ask him what he is upto.

3. You do not spend quality time together

You are married, perhaps you even have kids. You may have social commitments to honor as a couple. He refills your glass of wine at a restaurant where you are having dinner with extended family. Or he dances with you at that club party hosted by his best friend. Or that afternoon in the car driving to the PTM venue. You will end up spending time together. To an outsider, everything seems fine. 

how to make feel him guilty for hurting
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But you know your time together is just an obligation of sorts. You two were in the car for half an hour and not a word. The dance moves lacked the feels. The filling of glass was just a show-off, because he has always been a ladies’ man. There is no warmth in anything he says or does, it almost seems mechanical, getting that car door for you or offering help with carrying the grocery bags.

There is no quality to the time you spend together, if at all you do. He is somewhat lost in his own world and hasn’t even noticed you leave the room half-an-hour back. This is a clear indication of his loss of interest in you and everything around it.

4. He rarely talks to you

Communication is an important pillar for all relations, not just couple relationships. But you cannot talk to someone you do not want to. Your husband who always shared his sorrows and joys with you, trusting you with his vulnerabilities rarely makes an effort to speak to you about anything non-routine. If all he asks about is what is for dinner, then this is a clear sign he is not keen to talk to you.

He is your husband. If the years of marriage have changed him from someone who spoke to you about anything and everything to barely striking a conversation, it is something to worry about for sure. You may not be wrong to think he is seeing someone else.

5. He’ll rather spend time apart from you than with you

There’s a great Chinese place a few blocks from your house. You tell him to catch up for dinner there today, since even Macy said the food is exceptional. Your husband, however, suddenly remembers he has to go out for a drink with the boys today, so he can’t make it. Or worse, you keep on waiting and he hasn’t even texted you not to wait up because he is busy. 

This can hurt your self-esteem and make you feel unwanted. You feel like an outsider in his life, because he prioritizes others over you. Having a club night with the boys is bad, but having it repeatedly over declining your plans does not seem genuine either. And the fact that he has been too busy to even let you know that he won’t make it is a huge red flag regarding his dependability and commitment for you and the marriage.

You May Also Like: 65 Words Of Encouragement For The Man You Love: Inspire And Lift His Spirits

6. He is always annoyed with you

Does your husband seem irritated and annoyed with everything that you do (or don’t)? He says hurtful things or broods over the smallest things that ever bothered him before. Everything seems to bug him and leave attraction, he seems to have no feelings for you whatever. He finds faults with everything you do, and what you did not do is definitely a cause for fighting.

While irritability is a common emotion, it does not necessarily indicate a lack of interest in you solely. It would be wise to seek professional help as getting annoyed could be linked to high levels of stress, significant life changes, hormonal issues and even depression. Perhaps his irritability is stemming out due to some medical condition that needs immediate attention.

7. He never compliments or appreciates you

Do you know in good marriages, couples always compliment or appreciate each other on their appearance, attire or performance. A study concluded compliments make couples share positive feelings with each and also made for higher relationship satisfaction.

The same study also concluded that women are more aware of when they are complimented, and when they are not, both implying different things. Whether is is physical compliments or emotional, the idea is to get noticed by the man you married. 

But your husband? When was the last time he took notice of you and even said just a casual “you look beautiful” sentence? Alright, maybe not appreciating how you look, but has he noticed the things you do for him and the family everyday? If he has stopped appreciating anything you do, it is not a good sign. So maybe start by being nice to him.

Try this: compliment him for something. What does he do? Well, ideally in romantic relationships, there is always some mutual attraction so returning a compliment is not hard. But if he just passes off, it is a sure sign your husband is not attracted to you anymore.

8. He pretends to be always busy

He comes home to see the kids are off at the grandparents. He notices the two glasses of wine set on the table, with the steak just perfectly medium rare. He notices the dim lights and romantic music playing in the background. There are candles and flowers. He gets it, you are in the mood.

He smiles, and tells you he is busy tonite for the big meeting he has tomorrow. You know what, he just had his dinner with Steve on the way back home. You feel upset, curse yourself for not checking up with him before planning a big night. But soon, you hear him snoring right across the study. Or talking to someone about random stuff. You step closer to the room and boom, he says he is busy again. 

It is not that he does not have any free time, it’s just he does not have any time for you.

Have you been there? If this does not signal your man is not sexually attracted to you, nothing else will. Period.

9. Your husband chooses his phone over you

You have managed to sneak a coffee with him sans the kids, but his eyes do not leave the screen. Every time you initiate a conversation, he replies in just as many words without lifting his head off the phone. Well, we know screens and phones are killing intimate times and moments but if this happens on a regular basis, your husband values his phone more than you. 

And though this is disappointing to the core, figure out if there is something that you both can actively participate in, without having the phones by your side. Maybe have some rules on digital devices, like we all have for kids. 

Your husband chooses his phone over you
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10. He is not romantic anymore

Figure out what romance means for you. Is it emotional connection and intimacy that seems romantic to you or the over-the-top gestures as they show in the movies? Do you expect roses from him on special days? Or has he made you believe that the idea of romance is just passé?

When two partners are in a long-term union like a marriage, huge romantic gestures are not regular, but if you are saying “my husband is not romantic anymore”, it indicates your marriage is going through a tough phase. Small acts of love and romance can boost anyone’s confidence and feel high, and all it needs is just a conscious effort.

Perhaps he manages the routine brunches and weekly movies, but has ot held your hand sitting side-by-side in ages, it shows his interest in you has diminished big time.

Basically, if your husband is selfish in bed and otherwise and makes no effort to make you happy in the marriage, you have a very weak union. If he never makes any attempts to woo you and constantly neglects you, making you a second in his life, the marriage will fail sooner or later. 

11. Conversations are forced

As has been stressed over and over again, a good marriage thrives on great communication. And no, talking about the bills and the impending social commitments is not communication. If you have tried talking to your spouse and all he can manage is a “hmm” now and an extended “hmmmmm” 15 minutes later, sorry to say, this is a dead marriage you are in.

He listens to what you are saying, but does not engage, share his opinion or pay any attention. It’s like he is forced to sit there and nod, and he cannot wait for you to end this.

Maybe he even passed a derogatory comment on how much you talk. It gets so uncomfortable that you yourself do not want to talk anymore. Just add up, this is not a man who finds you attractive at all.

12. He does not share anything with you

His joys, his disappointments, he does not share anything with you. You get to know about his promotion from a colleague you bumped into at the super mart. Or he lost someone close to him but does not share with you how he feels. Maybe he has some trouble performing at work. You share the same house, but he has made you an outsider in his life.

This can be a huge blow to a wife, who has given her all to make a home and family with the man she thought she knows inside out. Think about if it’s something in you that has triggered such detachment in him or it’s just his lack of feelings for you that he keeps everything to himself.

Your conversations with your husband are forced
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13. He does not check in on you

You went out to the movies with the girl gang and you were to get home by 8. It’s almost midnight and your husband hasn’t checked in on you.He never asks how your day was like, if you needed something from the restaurant he just ordered his food from, or why you have visited the doctor 3 times this week. He is clearly not bothered.

He does not care what you do or where you are. He does not argue because there is nothing to fight about. Indifference is usually fueled by lessened interest in the other partner and is a very unhappy state to be in. It generally indicates a relationship falling apart in pieces.

This indifference will gradually snowball into serious issues so the sooner you can talk to him, the better.

14. He is being nice and flirty with other women

This can be another sign of his declining interest in you. You see, if your husband has always been jovial, sharing jokes and being courteous with women in general, it’s definitely a plus. We’d assume it was the same for you, but not anymore. He still is nice with the other women, polite and charming, flirting a bit here and there, but frowning or going absolutely silent the moment he spots you. Has he now started to feel uncomfortable in your company?

Not only is this disheartening, but you can also feel insulted by this behavior. This will create tension in your already shaky matrimony. We hope you can initiate a dialogue with your husband and clearly discuss your expectations from the marriage.

Read This: Emotional Detachment In Your Relationship- Causes, Signs, And Coping Tips

15. He does not talk about the future

While you were dating, did you two talk a lot about what your future would be like? Did you decide by when to buy a house, by when to have a baby and when to take that much coveted trek to the high mountains? Couples often discuss their future, their aspirations, their dreams and their ambitions with each other.

But now he barely speaks of vacations and rarely discusses the finances. He has no interest in planning a future with you- perhaps he does not even see you there with him. We suggest you open up to him and discuss whether this marriage is just a sham for him now.

16. He maintains distance

Do you feel an invisible wall between the two of you even when you are sitting together? Do you feel his warmth fading for you and that he always maintains an emotional distance with you? His face is not radiant even when he is with you. His body language is restricted, his gestures mechanical. He is disconnected, and not giving his 100%.

All in all, here is a man who does not find you attractive enough to give in to the temptation. He is not interested in you in any way.

17. He avoids you

And the last of this list is a sum of all listed above. Your husband is perhaps still in love with you, but whether it’s your weight, your nagging nature, stubborn attitude, his unmet needs or plain boredom – something has made you unattractive to him. If he is not yet having an affair, we suspect he may soon be cheating on you. 

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If your husband avoids you- physically, emotionally, socially, it is the biggest sign he is not happy with the marriage and does not want to make any effort to save it. Your husband is not attracted to you anymore and he does not know what to do next! All he knows is that he does not feel the same way about you and so starts to avoid you at all costs.

This is not a happy list, but it is crucial you identify signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore early on so you can take some steps to rekindle your marriage and save it. If you have noticed even a few of the above signs taking shape in your marriage, we suggest you start taking preventive measures from today itself.

What Can You Do If Your Husband Has Lost Interest In You

what can you do

Firstly, do not panic. Brew yourself a strong coffee and vow to yourself to save your marriage. And trust me when I say this- your conscious efforts at gaining his attention back will eventually pay you. The below steps may come in handy:

  1. Initiate an open and honest communication, do not assume, conclude or judge
  2. Try to bring romance back in your life by starting over with the basics
  3. Dress up, look great, priortize yourself – be the woman he fell in love with
  4. Remember, it would be much more productive if you speak to him about your marriage, than to talk about others about him
  5. Spend some time apart to feel connected again
  6. Seek professional therapy from licensed counselors

Key Takeaways

  1. Attraction between partners in a marriage is extremely critical for a marriage to thrive and last
  2. Noticing the signs your husband has lost interest in you early on will help you take preventive measures in time
  3. You can always take couples’ counseling to understand the situation your marriage is in from a unbiased view
  4. Do not give up. You love this man, and for all you know, he loves you too

We sincerely hope you can identify signs of waning attraction in your husband in time and take steps to make him realize you are the same woman he could not help falling in love with.