A few years back, I met someone special. He was shy, reserved, and a bit unexpressive. He kept to himself, and he stayed guarded – careful to not show his feeling. Yet, love has the magic to find a way to the stubbornest of hearts, and soon, I started spotting some signs a guarded man is falling in love with me.

To be honest, it was the happiest time of my life. His steady gaze became more delicate, revealing a vulnerability beneath his guarded exterior. The walls he built meticulously and intricately started to crumble, and in the gentle moments, I glimpsed the raw emotions he could no longer conceal. 

Sometimes it can be difficult to spot these signs because guarded people are good at hiding them. Before we start deciphering their gestures and behavior (in love), it’s essential to understand that the characteristics of a guarded man differs from those of a cold-hearted man.

The former will genuinely care for you, whereas the latter will exude indifference every step of the way. A guarded man will never take you for granted and will prove his love to you no matter what. 

How To Know A Guarded Man Is Falling In Love 

As Ed Sheeran sings in his song Thinking Out Loud, “People fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just a touch of a hand”. Similarly, the shy guy you’re dating at the moment could also have fallen in love with you but is hiding his feelings because he is too scared to admit it. He is protecting himself from the perils of rejection and heartbreak. Let’s look at some concrete signs a reserved man is developing feelings for you.

1. He opens his heart for you 

A guarded person never reveals his emotions. He builds walls around his feelings because he doesn’t want anyone trespassing. However, when he opens his heart for you and reveals all his true feelings, it’s one of the obvious signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you. He will share personal details with you and he will come clean about his past relationships, childhood issues, and his work-life pressure. 

How to tell if a guarded man loves you? He will do it by showing his vulnerable side with you. That’s him being brave.

We say this because research has found that being vulnerable is actually a strength. In doing so, one strengthens relationships, improves mental health, and improves quality of life. So, by letting you in on his intrusive thoughts, he is killing two birds with one stone. He is showing his mental strength and he is also letting you know that you are special. 

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2. He gives you all his attention 

How to tell if a guarded man loves you? Certified relationship coaches say that he will become more attentive toward you. He will ensure that his focus is on you when you are talking to him.

He will maintain eye contact, and respond thoughtfully to everything you say. That’s a sign of genuine interest. Some more signs a guarded man is falling in love through text include:

  • He will have deep emotional conversations with you 
  • He will be curious about your interests, dreams, and concerns
  • He will ask questions to delve deeper into you
  • He will remember important details about your life. For example, he will remember your favorite book, movie, and your favorite restaurant 
  • When a guarded person falls in love, he will try spending time with you just to get to know you better 

3. He notices every little thing about you 

New earrings? New haircut? What’s that band-aid on your toe? Why are you looking dull today? He will notice everything. From your new dress to your gloomy mood.

An emotionally guarded man won’t be focused on his own life so much but he will pay attention to things that are happening in your life. He is smitten and he is completely into you.

“He probably likes you and he is interested in you. There’s a chance he’s just a good listener but typically humans will start paying attention to other humans they find interesting. If he had no interest a lot of those small details would likely pass by without registering in his brain in a way he can recall them.

But because he’s thinking about you, the things you do or say might be playing over in his mind enough that they become part of his re-callable memories”, writes a Quora user on why some men notice every detail in a woman. 

Signs a Reserved Man Is Developing Feelings
Image by prostooleh on Freepik

4. His body language is positive 

One of the major characteristics of a guarded man is that he will have an uptight body language. He will be at arm’s length with everyone. But when he falls in love, he lets himself loose. This will be reflected in his body language, such as:

  • Smiling in your presence 
  • Having a relaxed posture 
  • Nodding his head when you are speaking 
  • Facing and leaning toward you 
  • Subtly touching your back or face 
  • Mirroring your gesture 
  • Having his limbs uncrossed 

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5. He includes you in his future plans 

Not just where the two of you will have dinner this weekend but the larger picture, like moving to a different city five years from now, what your love life will look like, living together, married, maybe kids, perhaps a dog, and whatnot! This is one of the telltale signs he loves you but is afraid to admit it.

If the two of you are “just friends”, then he wouldn’t be sitting here talking about his future with you. He is just shy to admit that he is falling in love with you. He could also be an emotionally broken man but your presence in his life is healing all his wounds. 

6. He goes out of his way to be with you

He secretly wants to spend as much time with you as he can but his shyness and reserved nature is getting in the way of admitting this fact. So, he will use his sly tactics to spend quality time with you. All his friends will know about you. 

For example, he will be near your office and when it’s time to go home, he will hit you up. He won’t accept that he is there because of you. He will just say that he had work in this area and decided to text you because you also work here. This is one of the subtle signs he’s letting his guard down. 

7. He will be attuned to your needs

He will try to fulfill all your needs including intellectual, emotional, and sexual ones (if you are comfortable with it). That’s how a guarded man expresses falling in love. He will make sure he lives up to your expectations and fulfills all your needs and desires.

If you’re hungry at 3 in the morning, he will DoorDash food to your place. These little gestures speak volumes. His love for you is evident and it’s true what they say: how he treats you is how he feels about you.

Jessica, a 29-year-old physiotherapist from Michigan, says, “I met Sam two months back on a dating app. I knew from our first meeting that he is emotionally unavailable because of his past traumas. But soon we came close and he started taking care of all my needs. He is still fighting his feelings for me but I am hoping things will change soon.” 

8. He has faith in you 

As Ed Sheeran sings in his song, Perfect, “I have faith in what I see, I know I have met an angel in person, and she looks perfect”. He thinks you’re perfect and will place all his trust on you and your emotional connection. It’s a good sign because he is showing that he confides in you.

That is one of the most important factors of a healthy relationship. As long as you trust your potential partner, you will never have a peaceful relationship and this man knows you won’t deceive him. 

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9. He will respect your boundaries 

Whether it’s emotional or physical, a guarded man begins to respect the boundaries you’ve drawn. He knows your happiness matters the most here and he will do whatever he can to preserve that smile. He will ask for consent before touching or kissing you. Most importantly, he won’t force you to be intimate with him. 

Along with that, he will give you space the same way. Whether it is time alone or personal space in shared activities, he will be a supportive man and will understand your need for independence. This is one of the telltale signs that he is afraid of losing you. He loves you and he wants you in his life. 

Signs a Reserved Man Is Developing Feelings

10. He expresses his feelings for you 

Either subtly or directly, but he will make it a point to let you know that he has strong feelings for you. It’s like he is sharing a part of himself that is deeply personal and emotional. He is being brave by taking a leap and speaking up about his real feelings toward you.

But why is he doing it? Because he wants to go beyond the surface-level interactions, reflecting a desire for a more intimate connection, possibly a serious monogamous relationship down the lane. This is one of the telltale signs that a guarded man portrays when he loves you deeply.

11. He takes care of your physical and mental health 

Only real men who genuinely love you will care about your mental and physical well-being. Other guys who don’t have any sincere feelings for you don’t care about your health, happiness, and harmony. An emotionally guarded man who is falling in love with you will encourage you practice self-care and pursue the hobbies that you love. 

Listed below are a few more things guarded men will do to show you they care about your overall health: 

  • Encourage you to eat healthy, stay fit, and exercise regularly
  • A caring partner will recognize and acknowledge stressors in your life
  • Offer support and assistance
  • Promote healthy communication 
  • Ensure you are getting enough sleep and rest 

Also, he will stand by you through thick and thin. He will celebrate your ups and downs and he will become your personal cheerleader. He will boost your confidence and won’t let you accept defeat.

12. He engages in love languages 

There are five types of love languages: words of affirmation, gift-giving, acts of service, and physical touch. According to research, people are more satisfied in their relationships when both partners match when it comes to their primary love language.

So, when a man finds out your love language and smoothly accepts it and indulges in it, it’s one of the good signs that show he is trying to impress you and win your heart. 

On the other hand, it’s okay if your love language doesn’t match with his. That’s absolutely okay. However, you must be aware of each other’s needs and must be willing to speak his language from time to time and vice versa.

The effort may not always be a success, but hopefully the willingness to engage is acknowledged, appreciated, and reciprocated. 

13. He becomes more protective of you

When a man with a guarded heart falls for you, he will become protective of you. It’s not like he will start controlling you but he will show his concern when you are traveling alone late in the night. His hero instincts will kick in and he will stay with you on the call till you reach him.

He will pick you up from your office if you don’t feel like calling an Uber. This shows that a guarded man is slowly opening his soul to you. These are some of the important signs a shy or reserved man is falling in love with you.

But what to do if you still feel like he doesn’t like you or if he doesn’t want a relationship with you? You can learn a few tips to make him notice you.

how to tell if a guarded man loves you

How To Win The Heart Of A Reserved Man

Reserved or guarded men often take time to open up. So, if you see signs he is afraid of getting hurt, the first thing you need to do is be patient and allow the relationship to develop gradually. Don’t push his buttons and force him to share all his personal details in the first meeting itself. Here are some more ways to win the heart of a reserved man: 

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1. Show genuine interest 

When you spot signs of a guarded heart in a man, don’t act aloof, especially if he is showing liking toward you. Try to express a sincere interest in getting to know him, his childhood life, adult life, where he studies, and what he would want to become in the future.

You can also ask thoughtful questions about his interests, experiences, and perspectives. This signals that you value his thoughts and are invested in understanding him better.

2. Respect his boundaries 

When a guarded man pushes you away, don’t force him to come back to you or give him attention. You need to respect his need for personal space and dating boundaries. Avoid being overly intrusive or demanding and let him initiate certain conversations or activities, allowing him to feel in control of his comfort level.

Plus, avoid incessant phone calls and constant texting. This is one of the little things you can do to bring him closer to you. 

3. Share your vulnerabilities 

Opening up about your own vulnerabilities can create a sense of reciprocity in the relationship. When guarded men feel comfortable and safe, they will reveal their real self. They start sharing their own thoughts and feelings. This mutual exchange will foster a deeper connection between you and your man. 

4. Demonstrate trustworthiness and be supportive 

Earn his trust and make him feel safe by being reliable and trustworthy. You can do so by:

  • Sticking to your commitment 
  • Being consistent in your actions
  • Letting him know that he can rely on you 
  • Making him feel special and loved 
  • Doing small and sweet things for him like cheering him up when he is down or holding his hand when he is feeling anxious 

Plus, offer support without being pushy. Whether it is through words of encouragement or being there in times of need, showing that you have his back can strengthen the bond between you.

5. Be yourself 

Authenticity is very important. You can’t be fake for the rest of your life if you get into a relationship with him. So, be true to yourself and don’t try to force a particular persona. Tell him your feelings openly because a reserved man usually appreciates sincerity and authenticity in a partner. 

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How Does A Guarded Man Test You?

When you are loving a man who has been hurt, he may test you for several reasons, rooted in his own past experiences, such as past betrayal. He could be scared that another girl will also break his self-esteem by cheating on him.

He could also test a woman to see if she is compatible enough to pass the tests with flying colors. It’s not a big deal. Everyone does it. 

Also, for some men, tests are like defense mechanisms. It is self-protection. So, scroll down and read how guarded people will test you and your love:

  • He might intentionally create emotional or physical distance to observe how you react. A guarded man may pull back to see if you respect his need for space and whether you are willing to invest in the relationship despite the challenges
  • He will present challenges or obstacles to observe how you handle adversity. This can include assessing your problem-solving skills, decision-making skills, patience, and emotional resilience in the face of difficulties
  • He will create situations where he relies on you for support or assistance to assess your reliability. How you respond to his needs during these times can influence his perception of your commitment and dependability
  • When you are dating a guarded man, he will test your boundaries and will see whether you will be good at communicating during arguments and disagreements 

He will also monitor your consistency because if he isn’t consistent with his actions and behavior, then he is a toxic person. 

Key Takeaways 

  • A guarded man never shares his real feelings to the world unless it’s someone special and close to his heart 
  • When a guarded man falls in love, he will be attentive, he will take care of you, and he will respect your boundaries 
  • You can win his heart by being yourself and by sharing vulnerabilities

When a guarded man falls in love, he will represent a profound transformation which will be marked by his vulnerability, positivity, emotional openness, and a heartfelt desire to be with you.

It’s not easy for a guarded person to open up but if he loves you, he will bend over backward to break the barriers that shield his heart. He will learn how to treat you and form an irresistible connection. He will show personal growth while making sure that the two of you have an authentic and intimate connection. 

Infographic – Telltale Signs A Guarded Man Is Falling In Love With You

Infographic onsigns a guarded man is falling in love with you
Signs a guarded man is falling in love with you


1. How to know if he is guarded or simply not interested?

His facial expressions will be the first things to let you know whether he has a guarded nature or if he is simply not interested. A man who is not interested will not engage in any conversation but a man who is guarded will want to have conversations with you but he will find it difficult to open up. 

2. How do you get a guarded man to love you?

You can make a guarded man fall head over heels in love with you by being patient with him. You need to prove to him that he can trust you and that you won’t break his heart. Lastly, you need to be yourself. Faking yourself won’t get you anywhere in life and in relationships.