13 Alerting Signs An Affair Is Getting Serious — Emotionally And Physically 

If you have an extramarital affair with someone and are feeling as if it is more than just satisfying your emotional, intellectual, and sexual needs, there is a chance your affair is getting serious. What started innocuously is now your lifeline, and what you now feel for your affair partner is deeper than lust.

Honestly, it is not unlikely for affair partners to fall in love, but on grounds of morality, it is definitely not viewed favorably. An extramarital affair is a purposeful act of cheating, betrayal and shakes the very foundation of trust and faith in a relationship.

Affairs are usually an attempt to fill some kind of a void a person is battling in their committed relationship or marriage. As you spend more and more time with your affair partner, it sets the scene for deeper physical and emotional intimacy. Therefore, in a few cases, you may notice some signs an affair is turning into love.

Hollywood has always portrayed casual affairs in the best possible way. From Love and Other Drugs to Friends With Benefits and Bridges of Madison County, these movies are pioneers in showing how hookups and affairs turn into infatuation, adoration, and true love in no time. These and many other stories reiterate the fact that extramarital affairs can sometimes be true love.

When an affair is turning into love, you find yourself putting in extra effort for them to make them fall for you in return. It is not about satisfying your emotional or physical needs, but is a means for you to wake up everyday. If you are having a fling or are at the brink of starting one, this article will help you recognize the signs you are falling in love with your affair partner.

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13 Alerting Signs An Affair Is Getting Serious

An extramarital affair refers to a romantic or sexual relationship between two people where one or both the partners are married.

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy reported that 45% of men and 35% of women have engaged in emotional cheating at least once in their marriage/relationship.

It involves a breach of the commitment and exclusivity expected in a marital relationship. It takes one eye contact and one sweet gesture for this “just a physical affair” to turn into a long-term relationship. Keep an eye out for the below signs if you want that to happen or wish to avert the causalities of an affair that turns into love:

1. You spend an enormous amount of time together 

Spending quality time together is one of the first signs an affair is turning into love. You have developed an emotional affair with them and want to spend every waking minute of your life with them.

And when you are not around them, you miss your affair partner and you constantly think about them. Every thing is dull and mundane and your life seems lacking.

On the contrary, when you are with them, you are happy. Your conversations flow naturally and are never-ending. There is not a dull moment, everything is rosy and surreal.

When you have nothing to talk to them and are tired after a hectic day, you enjoy the silence. There is no awkwardness when communication dies down. This is a huge sign your affair is turning into love where you enjoy the silence as much as you enjoy the conversations.

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2. You’ve become more emotionally attached 

One of the signs you have strong feelings for your affair partner is when you become emotionally attached to your partner. You feel a deep, meaningful connection that goes beyond surface-level interactions.

The emotional resonance is from both sides and you have become more secretive about them. You try whatever you can to keep this relationship under wraps, because your private, discreet relationship means a lot to you. Some of the clear signs your emotional closeness has intensified with your affair partner include:

• You are both willing to share thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly and honestly 
• You understand and empathize with each other 
• You validate each other’s feelings 
• You provide emotional support to each other during challenging times
• You feel comfortable expressing vulnerabilities and desires
• You feel a sense of emotional and physical security around them 

As can be safely concluded, your affair partner is not just someone you sleep with for sexual gratification, but someone you depend on emotionally as well. And that is a breeding ground for affairs that last long.

3. You want to look good for them

You’ve changed your cologne, hairstyle, dressing sense, and the way you talk. Why?

To make a good impression. You want them to fall for you. This is one of the biggest signs you have deep feelings for your affair partner. There is an undeniable emotional bond and you don’t know what to do about it.

But you know how they look at you matters to you, so you try your best to look great when they are around. You are conscious of your skin, body and hair and want to look appealing for them. Not because you want to sleep with them (we know you do) but you also want them to stay attracted to you.

Zack, a 38-year-old man from New York, says, “I met this beautiful woman when I went to LA for an office meeting. I had an affair and fell in love with her. My wife started suspecting when I became overly conscious about my appearance. I would keep getting haircuts every month and that really gave it away. Now I am labeled as a cheating partner but at least I am happy.” 

4. You think about them all the time 

You just got back home after meeting them but your thoughts are still with them. You sneak into the bathroom to text your affair partner. You just cannot bear to wait to see them again.

This is a huge sign that you have fallen head over heels in love despite being in a monogamous relationship. This indicates that you have a strong infatuation with your new partner.

Such things can happen overnight or it may take a few weeks after getting to know each other. Nevertheless, if your days begin and end with thinking about your affair partner, it is safe to assume you are in love.

If your affair partner also says the same thing and is constantly thinking about you, it’s one of the undeniable signs your affair partner loves you too. 

5. You’ve started comparing your partner with them

Of course, your new relationship falls flat in the face of your committed relationship because of all the love hormones. They are making you feel intense emotions toward them.

You see their stunning looks, their amazing personality, and their wealth, cooking, and whatnot. Everything they do will feel like the greatest acts ever in your eyes.

Hence, you start comparing them with your long-term partner. You start to magnify all the flaws your partner has and keep focusing on your special person’s good aspects.

You feel emotional, intellectual, and physical attraction toward them but not toward your long-term partner. This is one of the clear signs an affair is getting serious and you need to do something about it.

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6. You’re making future plans 

The future of an affair is not always what you want. An affair is an act of deception and society weighs it as morally wrong. But if you have fallen for your affair partner and want to move ahead with them, a plethora of decisions will need to be made. It can also be taxing on you to manage the guilt of hurting your present partner.

• How to break the news to the current partner?
• How will the kids react?
• How to lighten the blow to the current family?
• To get a divorce or not?
• To move out of this house or not?
• To move in with my affair partner or not?
• Where to vacay to celebrate the milestone?

If you are riddled with all these questions, it’s one of the obvious signs of successful extramarital affairs. However, it is still a hard pill to swallow for the partner you cheated on.

But, you didn’t just use this new person to pass your time. In fact, you have developed feelings for them and what you feel for them is real love. You are awake at odd hours thinking about the future with them, fantasizing and daydreaming. 

7. You share personal details with them 

One of the signs she or he loves his affair partner is when they start sharing personal details with them. According to research, the goal of a vulnerability discussion is to share, with a partner, personal feelings. Affair partners tend to share their:

• Insecurities and traumas 
• Past relationships, hurt, episodes of infidelity and so on
• Childhood fears and traumas
• Weaknesses and strengths
• Life goals and future plans
• Religious values and beliefs
• Hardships and struggles
• Fantasies and dreams

They will share everything with each other. This signifies a level of trust and comfort in the relationship. It suggests that you and your new partner are willing to be vulnerable and open.

This also indicates that you are extremely comfortable with them and want to foster a deeper emotional connection that isn’t (possibly) there in your present relationship. You need no more guard your desires and think before you speak because you feel safe and respected with your affair partner.

Whereas, you and your current partner usually sweep things under the carpet. The situation isn’t the same with your new lover. That’s why you seem to be coming closer to them. 

8. You feel disconnected from your real partner 

Since all your time, effort, energy, and love are focused on your new partner, it’s a possibility that you may feel like you are moving away from your existing partner. Emotional detachment has taken place in your original relationship.

You feel butterflies for the new one, whereas the old one frustrates you. Your priorities have changed. You have communication issues, compatibility issues, and your goals don’t align anymore. This happens frequently with people when affairs turn to love.

Jasmine, a 28-year-old nutritionist from Ohio, says, “My affair partner says he loves me and I can feel his love. My present partner makes me feel like I am seen, heard, and validated. He knows all my feelings, darkest secrets, fears, and vulnerabilities. He has never judged me for anything and has accepted my flaws without any hesitation. “

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9. You withdraw affection from your committed partner 

No sex, no cuddling, no hand-holding, and no affectionate gestures. Your real relationship is going to face some major problems soon. Having a third person in your life means your current relationship will eventually bear the brunt.

Studies have found that sexual frequency both less or more often than wanted is strongly associated with poor relationship quality.

You are giving more importance to your affair in terms of sexual intimacy. That’s one of the signs your extramarital affair seems just the perfect alliance for you. But you are not investing in your real relationship and you aren’t bringing any happiness to your current partner.

Sooner or later, your partner will understand that your relationship is over.

10. You don’t mind if your current partner is cheating on you too 

If the circumstances were different, you would have gone crazy upon finding out your partner’s infidelity. However, it doesn’t matter to you if you are with a cheating partner currently. You have turned a blind eye to your current partner’s love, loyalty, and longing. 

Instead, you wish or hope for them to have an affair with someone. That’s how successful extramarital affairs start. You don’t care what’s happening in your partner’s life because you are happy with your situationship with a new person. 

11. You do romantic things for your affair partner 

If you are looking for signs your affair is turning serious, see if you have started making efforts to do cute, romantic things for your affair partner. From buying flowers to cooking for them and taking them on holidays, you do everything you can to make them feel special, loved, and valued. Yes, you are in love with your affair partner for sure.

When you are seeing someone else and when you love that person more than your actual partner, you want them to know how much you love and respect them. You go out of the way to make sure they understand your feelings and not feel like the third person in your relationship.

They aren’t just your “sex buddy”. When such romantic things are initiated by their side as well, it’s one of the signs your affair partner loves you as well and will not leave you just like that.

12. This relationship is causing problems in your married life 

You are constantly fighting with your spouse because you feel guilty for cheating on them. You want to make them feel miserable so they break up with you and you don’t have to go through the trouble of making the first move. If you are out of love with your spouse, you’d just want them out of your life to make way for your new love interest.

First, you will withhold affection, then you will make them lonely. You will ignore their efforts for saving the relationship and then perhaps accuse them of seeing someone else. You will avoid confrontation and communicate barely. Yes, you are cheating on them but you will make them go through hell. You will be miserable if you don’t take any appropriate action right away. 

This is a classic move many serial cheaters use to show that they are willing to work on the relationship but their partners don’t have patience.

When in reality, they weren’t even loyal in the first place. Their infidelity never comes out and they are out of their committed relationship. It’s like killing two birds with one stone. 

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13. You are happy with your affair partner 

This is one of the biggest signs an affair is turning into love. You are happy with them. You feel content. There is nothing more you want in life than to wake up and see them sleeping next to you. It’s one of the best feelings in life. You connect with them in every aspect including:

• Physical closeness — you are okay with them touching, kissing, cuddling, and being intimate with one another 
• Spiritual connection — the two of you feel peaceful, happy, and promote self-love 
• Emotional love — you accept each other wholeheartedly and without any complaints 
• Financial rapport — you talk about your earnings, savings, and goals 

An affair turning into real love is nothing uncommon. As mentioned earlier, 5% to 7% of these affair partners marry each other. But did you know that out of these, 75% end up in divorce? 

Furthermore, statistics reveal that 1% to 2% of affair partners end up having a successful marriage. These are the affairs that last over five years. Think about this before you hastily make a decision of divorcing your current partner for a casual fling.

What To Do If Your Affair Has Escalated To Serious Territory 

Now that you have identified the signs an affair is getting serious, you will be wondering what your next step should be. Acknowledging being in love with your affair partner is one thing, and navigating a situation where your affair has escalated to serious territory can be complex. It involves emotions and feelings of atleast 3 people.

You wonder if it is possible to come back from an affair. You feel guilty at some point, and at others, you convince yourself your spouse deserved it.

You also wonder if life will be all that happy and romantic should you go ahead with making your affair successful and parting ways from your current partner. What if the new relationship is like this in a few years again? What if your spouse does not want to let you go? What about the kids?

We understand. You are perplexed and you don’t know whether you should dump your current partner or your new partner. Here are some steps you might consider taking:

1. Self-reflection 

Assess your own feelings and reflect on your emotions and motivations for the affair. Understand why it escalated and what you are seeking. What is it that they have and your current partner doesn’t? Why is this one person better than the one you vowed your heart to? 

Sometimes when affairs turn to love, it’s because either of the parties were just bored in their relationship and wanted to try something new. If that’s the case, then you may end up breaking your own heart. 

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2. Communicate with both of them

Initiate an honest conversation with your affair partner about the nature of your relationship and expectations moving forward.

If you are going to keep this relationship a secret, then talk about the protocols and come up with rules and boundaries. It is not unusual for people to actually have affairs that last a lifetime.

On the other hand, consider discussing your feelings with your spouse, acknowledging the challenges in the relationship. If you want to save the marriage as well, then talk to your spouse about what you can do to reignite the love. 

3. Evaluate consequences 

Assess the potential consequences for all involved parties, including spouses, children, and others affected by the affair.

What will happen if you proceed with your extramarital affair?

What will happen if your partner finds out about your deception?

Would they give you a divorce?

Ask all these questions to yourself and evaluate the outcomes of each scenario.   

4. Come up with a decision 

You can’t keep fooling your real partner forever. That’s disrespectful.

You cannot keep playing with the emotions of your affair partner as well.

So, clarify your priorities and values. Whom do you love the most and how will you break up with one of them?

Decide whether to end the serious affair, work on your primary relationship, or make other life changes. And if you spot signs your affair is over, then moving on is the best thing you can do right now.

If ending the casual affair is your choice, then do so with clear communication and establish boundaries for both parties.

Conversely, if you want to and things with your affair partner, then you need to rebuild trust with your primary partner.  

5. Learn and grow 

Acknowledge lessons learned from the experience, using it as an opportunity for personal and relational growth.

Don’t think of yourself as the villain or as a toxic person because you cheated on your partner. It was just an affair caused by your bad decision. Let it go. Don’t let a purely physical relationship get the better of you.

On the other hand, if you’ve genuinely fallen in love with them, then that bad decision could become the best decision of your life soon. Talk to your spouse about your love affair and ask them for a divorce respectfully. 

Can Extramarital Affairs Be True Love? 

Love is complicated. It usually happens when you least expect it. You are in a healthy relationship and you are happily married yet you find yourself in the arms of a new lover. You find yourself emotionally attached to this person despite knowing them for only a short time. But the question is: can extramarital affairs turn into real love? The short answer is yes. 

It can turn into real love and it can cause you to develop a deep, irresistible connection with them.

Research suggests that 5% to 7% of extramarital affairs end up in marriage, whereas 50% of those last just a month or two and 25% to 30% of cheaters leave their real partner for their affair one.

We all know how difficult it is to manage one lover. Now imagine you are dealing with two partners where one of your partners isn’t aware of your rendezvous. 

Why would a human being go through so much stress to have a serious affair with someone when they can have the same real affair with their committed partner? Why is it so difficult for them to end it and part ways? Here are some reasons why:

• A man or a woman who is unhappy in their current relationship will usually find warmth and comfort in the company of another person. Hence they start feeling strong emotions toward them and they find it hard to let go 
• They may not believe in monogamy and are only happy when they are with more than one person
• People sometimes choose to have an extramarital affair if they are stuck in an abusive marriage 
• For serial cheaters, it’s the thrill and excitement of meeting new people that drives them to cheat 
• If the cheater hasn’t gotten caught yet, it fuels his ego and makes him cheat even more 

That’s why it’s hard to let go because even though you haven’t labeled your relationship with them yet, it’s possible that you will fall head over heels in love with them. 

When an affair reaches serious territory, it demands a thoughtful and proactive approach. You need to clearly evaluate all the consequences that will follow the steps you take after you recognize the signs an affair is getting serious. At the end of the day, what matters is your happiness and contentment. So, make the right decision and have a happy life!