One day you are a happy guy in a very fulfilling relationship. And the next comes as a shock when your girlfriend says “she needs time. No guy will ever be ready enough to hear these three words. They induce a zillion questions in your mind starting with, “She says she needs time, how long should I wait?”

At this point, you are clueless. You try hard to recall if you have done something to upset her. But you cannot lay a finger on anything.

Is it you or is it all her? If she’s unsure of her feelings for you, what does that tell about your relationship’s future? How much space is too much space before you drift apart? Do you talk during this time or cut off all contact?

Well, we understand your turmoil. Right now, your relationship is on thin ice. One wrong step on your part can push your girl further away. But there’s no need to panic.

Together we will figure out how to handle this volatile situation with utmost sensitivity and mutual respect.

Your Girlfriend Says ‘She Needs Time’. What Does It Mean?

Perhaps it means she’s struggling with some family crisis. Or maybe she wants to focus on her own life and prioritize self-love. Just because she asks for time, you don’t need to worry that she has lost interest in you. There’s a big chance it has nothing to do with you or your actions.

So, don’t fixate on “She needs space. Is she cheating?” just yet. However, we can’t rule out the possibility of her leaning toward some other guy romantically. Before you lose all hope, let’s discuss the implications of your girlfriend needing space from you:

  • She’s not as emotionally invested as you. She needs time to figure out her feelings because she has an inkling you are looking for permanence
  • Have you been a clingy, jealous, overbearing boyfriend? Spending time with you seven days a week is taxing for her. She feels overwhelmed with the constant love bombing and needs some time apart. Girls ask for space when their partner is over-possessive and suffocates them with relentless suspicions
  • She needs time to heal from past trauma, maybe a bad breakup or the death of a loved one. She just got out of a serious relationship and is not ready to commit right now. She just isn’t ready to involve her heart with you
  • At this moment, she wants to prioritize her career or family over relationships. She needs space to grow independently and discover who she is outside of this relationship
  • You disagree on every little thing. She is largely unhappy but confused. She’s unsure if you are the right partner for her
  • “I proposed a girl and she said she needs time” – It means you are moving forward too fast in the relationship and she’s not ready to take such a big step
  • A woman asks for time when she is not ready to be physically intimate with her partner
  • She’s testing your feelings for her. Would you wait for her even if she pushed you away?
  • When your girlfriend asks for time, it could mean there is another guy in the picture. She’s playing the field

Infact, a research states that space is the secret to long and lasting relationships. So, no it’s not sex that will keep you together. In a way, space is healthy in any relationship.

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What To Do If She Asks For Time?

When a girl says she needs time to figure things out, it’s not always a bad thing. In fact, not intervening in each other’s personal space is the bare minimum every couple should do.

You should also feel proud of the fact that she chose to speak to you about her need for space. Yes, she could totally ghost you as well. But she opted for the former which is a good sign.

When you spare her the time she asks for, you can face the truth about her feelings for you or dig out any underlying conflict in the relationship. Going through the troubled waters with grace and mutual respect can wipe off the differences between you and your girl.

However, we can’t firmly say there’s no downside to this situation.

It makes one thing clear—you and your partner are not on the same page. And you are bound to feel hurt and a bit confused, “She says she needs time, how long should I wait? How to give her space without losing her? I am afraid she will turn her back on me.”

Let’s help you deal with the lack of certainty. Here are 8 actionable steps for when your girlfriend says she needs time:

1. Find out why she needs time

You will have a hard time keeping your distance unless you get an answer to the whys. You might think she is deliberately pushing you away. Like she has a secret agenda.

Is she talking to other guys on dating apps? Two-timing you?

To stop your mind from going haywire, choose the path of open communication. Talk to your girl. Ask her what’s wrong and don’t forget, with compassion. Whether she will be honest with you or dignify your question with an answer is up to her. But you at least have to try for the sake of your sanity.

2. Give her what she wants

When she says she needs a break, the decent thing to do is to give her space and time. Spare her a few weeks to sort her thoughts or whatever it is she is going through. Let her know you are supportive of her journey.

Even if she doesn’t offer you any explanation now, she can come back when she’s ready to talk. You will be there to listen, no judgment, and you will figure things out together.

Reacting adversely to the situation may only cement her doubts about you. Isn’t this the first real relationship issue you are tackling? You would not want to blow it off.

If you have any shot at securing the future of your relationship, this is the only way to go about it.

3. If it is about you, do your best to resolve the issue

Guess what! The reason why your girlfriend says she needs time is you after all. Yeah, we didn’t see that coming either. But unfortunately, it’s all about your sloppiness.

It’s the wet towel on the bathroom floor, the never-ending video game sessions with the boys every night, and all the beers for dinner.

And perhaps you have no boundaries with your female friends and she can’t take more of those ‘silly incidents’ that have become regular.

She feels overwhelmed by the very thought of sharing a living space with you. So, when you asked her to move in, she had to take her time to decide whether to tell you the truth or politely decline. Now if you want her to stay in your life for the long run, you better start making some lifestyle changes.

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4. Don’t assume the worst – be patient

“My girlfriend says she needs space. Is she cheating?” – it’s easier to give in to your intrusive thoughts when everything seems to go out of control. Your girlfriend is withdrawing from the relationship. Your world must be falling apart.

She explained it’s only for a short while and you have nothing to worry about. But in your heart, you find it hard to believe.

Every time you hear from your mutual friends that she was spotted with a guy, you want to break the no-contact pact and confront her. The feeling that your ex has moved on quickly even during the break haunts you.

But if you really want to know how to respond when she says she needs space, you need to rein your horses. Her transformative journey is as it is a difficult undertaking. Your constant intervention won’t make things any better.

So, how about a little patience and empathy? Have faith in the person you love and let her come to you when she’s ready.

when she wants a break

5. Guilt-tripping her to change her mind won’t work

“I thought this relationship meant more to you. How can you look in the mirror and feel good about yourself after you hurt someone so bad?”

“I didn’t expect to see a long distance between us despite living in the same city.”

“We were supposed to attend the fundraiser gala this Friday. It’s okay. I will go by myself”

You might think these words will make her feel sorry for you and reconsider. Nothing could be further from the truth. You cannot compel someone to choose you for the rest of their life. She may fall weak and stay back for now but soon enough your plan will backfire.

The reasons why your girl says she needs time are still there and they intensify with each passing day. Then what to say when a girl says she needs time? Anything that doesn’t reek of emotional manipulation.

6. Don’t go behind her back and snoop

My friend Kevin agreed to give his girlfriend space when she asked, just like a mature adult.

After a week of silence, he felt she was being unfair keeping him in the dark. He let jealousy and anger get the best of him and started digging into her past. He reached out to her friends for her whereabouts.

Personally, I felt it was a bit much and asked him to stop. But I guess it was his destiny to get caught while snooping on his girlfriend.

You can imagine it didn’t end well for them. So, learn from Kevin’s mistakes. If you feel you have given your girl enough time to figure things out and you can’t wait longer, then make that clear to her and leave. Keeping a tab on your woman is not exactly a way of showing respect for her boundaries. Simpler way is to ask questions, but investigating her will surely not work.

Ideally, you would expect her to come back after the break and discuss how to move forward together. But the human mind is a tad bit more complicated than that. She may not have accomplished everything she wanted within the said time.

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7. Discuss the terms

A reader writes to us from Hudson seeking counsel on a similar matter, “My love life is a mess. She says she needs time, how long should I wait? It’s been a month already. She asked me not to get in touch. But she still texts me sometimes. And now I am totally confused.”

When you plan to spend some time apart, you have to set healthy boundaries to avoid such complications. Otherwise, the whole idea of taking a break might fall flat on your face.

Ideally, one partner needing space or time is not supposed to be the end of a relationship. With that in mind, you should decide the following parameters beforehand:

  • How much time is she talking about?
  • Does she expect you to stay loyal or you can see other women casually?
  • What about her? Will she be seeing other men?
  • What f either of you move on during no-contact?
  • Will you keep in touch? If yes, what will be your mode of communication? Texting, calling?

8. Don’t let it stop your life

So your girlfriend said she needs time and you find it hard to swallow. You are worried if she will come back to you or is this the beginning of an end. Even if it is, there is little you can do if someone wants to take time to figure their feelings.

The alarm ells tick in your mind, but shut them off. If she is trying to figure things out, it does not mean you put a halt on your life. Infact, focussing on other aspects of your life will eventually take your mind off her as well.

Needing space is absolutely fine while building a healthy relationship. That is not to say it won’t hurt going no-contact to give her space. But do not spend every waking moment worrying about what she’s thinking. Take this break as an opportunity to prioritize self-love and spending time with your family and friends.

please come back

She Says She Needs Time, How Long Should I Wait?

When a girl says she needs time to figure things out, it startles you emotionally in the beginning.

Then out of sheer goodness of your heart, you respect her personal space and hope for a better future. But there has to be a timeline to navigate this break without turning it into an ugly fight.

Still at a loss about “She says she needs time, how long should I wait?” Talk to your girl. If she gives you a specific date and time that seems reasonable, stick to it. If she herself can’t figure out how long she might need, give her a few weeks before you reach out to her.

Ideally, you would expect her to come back after the break and discuss how to move forward together. But the human mind is a tad bit more complicated than that. She may not have accomplished everything she wanted within the said time.

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So perhaps 3-4 weeks should be a good time to reinstate contact with her. If she does not respond even after a month, you could assume she is not interested in pursuing this relationship with her.

In that case, you might set her free. Tell her she could call you when she is ready. But you don’t make any promises to accommodate her in your life any time she wants.

You came to us with a question about your love life—“She says she needs time, how long should I wait?” We hope now you know better how to handle a situation like this. Just remember, the matters of the heart can’t always be resolved with logic.

People end up waiting for their partners for years, sometimes a lifetime without any expectations. So, ultimately, how long you wait depends on the intensity of your feelings for her. We just wish you would be wise enough to take care of yourself in the process.

FAQs

1. Should I text her if she asked for time?

You both should discuss and set firm boundaries first. If she asks for complete isolation, you better not text or call her during no-contact. If she says otherwise, ask her to clarify the modes of communication and how frequently you can talk to or see each other.

2. Does space mean break up?

Sometimes women let their partners down easy with a simple “I need space”. This way they can slowly distance themselves without going through the emotional burden of a breakup. But that’s not always the case. It’s possible your girlfriend genuinely asked for some time apart to clear her head or deal with a certain aspect of her life.