How he treats you is how he feels about you — A statement that holds a lot of truth. It’s also something I wholeheartedly agree with. Let’s take Noah from The Notebook, a cult classic romance movie that swept everyone off their feet. I personally believe the hero is toxic. He threatens to kill himself if Allie doesn’t go out with him. That’s coercion and abuse. He openly argues with her in front of everyone. That’s plain disrespect.

Likewise, there’s a message in how a person treats you. You just have to pay attention to your boyfriend’s actions and not his words. Anyone can say that they will steal the stars for you. But will they stand the test of time when the relationship is wavering? So, it’s never about words. It’s about actions speaking louder than words. If he loves you, he will prove it to you with his actions.

According to a study on the link between treatment and emotions, it has been found that a person’s behavior can be indicative of their feelings. They are indirectly showing you how they feel about you through their actions, gestures, and behavior. The same study claims that how someone treats you also largely depends on a person’s attachment style.

How He Treats You Is How He Feels About You — Is It True?

You can try understanding his true feelings by noticing how he behaves with you. This comes from a common belief that actions mirror emotions. A person’s genuine feelings are indeed manifested through behavior. For example, my current partner is someone who consistently shows care, respect, and support. He has strong feelings for me, he harbors positive emotions, and he ensures that I feel safe with him.

However, my former partner never used to prioritize spending quality time with me. The complexity and uncertainty of his emotions used to drive me crazy. He would say he loves me but he would never do anything special for me. He was good at weaving poetic words but never at making an effort to make me feel loved or valued.  All these things took a hit on my self-worth and confidence.

When I was planning dates, surprising him with memorable gifts, and trying to communicate openly about my feelings, he would run away from serious conversations. He never once introduced me to his friends and family members. That’s when I realized the true meaning of the proverb “actions speak louder than words”. That’s definitely not how a man treats a woman he loves.

Some psychologists and dating experts also claim that the way someone treats you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Their treatment has nothing to do with you. If they treat you with kindness and empathy, then they are a kind person.

However, if all they do is manipulate you and make you feel like you don’t deserve him, it’s because he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. So, yes. Sometimes how he treats you is how he feels about you. Other times, it’s how he feels about himself.

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How To Infer If He Is Treating You Right — 13 Signs

If you just started dating someone or have been in a relationship for quite some time, it’s essential to know all the signs a man respects you and loves you enough to treat you the right way. Listed below are all the signs of how a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend:

1. He gives you all his attention

When someone finally treats you right, he will give you all his attention. He will listen to you when you are sharing your true feelings and speaking your heart out. He won’t use his mobile phone and he won’t change the topic when he gets bored.

He will also maintain eye contact and respond promptly to all your queries and concerns. These are some of the most important qualities to have in a healthy relationship.

Some other things he will do to show you how attentive he is include:

  • Asking how your day went
  • Minimizing interruptions when you speak
  • Showing enthusiasm for your interests and hobbies
  • Remembering trivial and big details about your personal and work life
  • Showing a desire to stay connected

2. He wants to establish all kinds of intimacy

Intimacy has long been considered an integral part and a critical need for healthy human development. According to research, it is believed that the benefits of emotional intimacy in close relationships results in better overall health and well-being.

Therefore, if he is attracted to you, he wouldn’t be just attracted to your appearance and body. The attraction is not skin-deep, he wants to know you deeper, he wants to be vulnerable. It’s not superficial attraction he is looking for, instead, he wants to cultivate intimacy in all forms. When a man wants to establish a deep emotional connection, it’s one of the signs he is genuinely interested in you.

He will want to get to know your mind, body, and soul. This is how a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend. He should spend time with her and get to know her real self. That’s what my current partner and I do when we feel disconnected from each other. We try to foster intellectual, emotional, and physical intimacy.

3. He communicates openly and honestly

When a man is communicating openly about his feelings and emotions, he is showing you how serious he is about you. He genuinely feels for you and that’s coming out in the form of honest and vulnerable conversations.

He will tell you all about his weaknesses, insecurities, and traumas. It is a huge sign that is envisions a future with you, and he understand how important honesty is if he wants something that deep and pure.

He won’t give you mixed signals and make you question your self-esteem. If he does that, that’s one of the signs he treats you badly. A man should never make you second guess his intentions toward you. That’s what happens in a toxic relationship and you need to cut toxic people out of your life.

Conversely, a kind man who loves you and cares about your mental well-being will never yell or scream at you. He will handle disagreements maturely and won’t try to belittle you.

4. He respects you

Can you love someone and treat them bad? Absolutely. This has happened to me. My ex took advantage of my love and sincerity and turned it into a one-sided relationship. He disrespected me by being unfaithful. Such bad treatment proved he didn’t love me. Similarly, if your man disrespects you, it will reflect in his actions. Conversely, here’s what respect looks like in a romantic relationship:

  • He will take your feelings into account
  • He will respect your time
  • He won’t cross any physical or emotional boundaries
  • He will be a supportive man and will motivate you to achieve your goals
  • He will respect your individuality
  • He won’t force you to change yourself
  • He will accept you for who you are
How he treats you is how he feels about you

5. You can trust him

Trust is one of the elemental blocks of a healthy relationship. You can’t be in a relationship with someone unless you start trusting them. When a man makes you trust him, he will prove to you why he is worthy of your trust by making sure his actions are speaking louder than his words. He won’t use statements like, “Oh just trust me”. Instead, he will try to earn it by being consistent, transparent, and honest.

For example, if he has friends from the opposite sex, he will draw female friendship boundaries with them. If he cheated on his ex-girlfriend, then he will come clean about it and confess it to you. If he doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with you, he will let you know clearly. In short, he won’t lead you on and will explain his feelings openly.

6. He loves surprising you

When your partner loves to surprise you, it’s one of the good signs he truly loves you. He will randomly buy you thoughtful presents, he will bake a cake for you, and he will even go to the extent of planning a holiday. He will walk holding hands and he will be sure to text you after he reaches home. That’s how his actions reflect his emotions toward you. This shows his love is genuine and pure.

His desire to often surprise you indicates his thoughtfulness in bringing joy into your life. He is doing all the right things to make sure you deserve all the happiness. Of course, this kind of behavior can enhance the emotional connection in a relationship by fostering a sense of excitement and appreciation.

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7. He makes you feel safe

One of the warning signs he treats you badly is when you feel insecure and unsafe around him, both mentally and physically. However, the right guy won’t abuse you or make you question your self-esteem. When a guy treats you differently from others, he will protect you from toxic people too. You know it in your heart that he would do whatever he can to protect you.

8. He doesn’t take you for granted

People treat you how they feel about you. Ask yourself this, “Are you just his texting buddy that he forgets about you the moment your conversation ends?” If yes, then this bad treatment reveals that you are nothing but a time pass for him. He is taking you for granted. This is one of the evident signs he treats you like an option and that your relationship will not last forever.

Conflictingly, when he feels you are the one for him, he won’t take you for granted. He will value your opinions and will listen to all your woes and concerns. Here are some signs he isn’t taking you for granted:

  • He will regularly expresses appreciation for both big and small gestures
  • He will show genuine interest in your thoughts, feelings, and experiences
  • He will reciprocate your efforts
  • He will acknowledge your needs and concerns seriously
  • He will try to keep the romance alive
  • He will talk about the future

9. He apologizes when he is wrong

How do you know a man is treating you right? By noticing his behavior after a fight. If he gives you the silent treatment, then he is a weak person who is incapable of having a disagreement. On the other hand, if he apologizes to you when he is at fault and accepts your apology when you did something wrong, it’s clear that he is a good man.

Many men and women fail to take responsibility for their wrongdoings after a fight. Only a genuine and brave person will accept their mistakes and apologize if they know they messed up. So, if he always takes accountability for his actions and doesn’t yell or scream during arguments, he is a keeper!

10. He doesn’t judge you

I’ve been in two relationships where I was judged for my intrusive thoughts and for applying too much makeup. “Trying to impress another guy?”, my toxic ex would ask me many times. He treated me like I was nothing. Then, I met my current partner who never judged me for my flaws and weaknesses. He embraced me the way I am. He consistently treats me like a queen.

Ana, a 28-year-old journalist from New York, writes, “My partner is always judging me for my belly fat. He keeps telling me to go to the gym. He doesn’t even do the bare minimum to keep this relationship alive. He never makes me feel loved or special. In fact, he treats me casually like I don’t matter to him. This is breaking my heart.”

11. He shows affection

You’ll know he is treating you right when actions speak louder than words. He will show affection and will initiate physical touch like hand-holding, kissing your cheek, or hugging you randomly. Some more signs of affection from a guy include:

  • Regularly giving compliments, expressing admiration for your appearance, personality, or achievements
  • Showing affection by doing different things like acts of service and cooking your favorite dish
  • Spending time with you doing everyday activities like laundry, cleaning the house, or getting groceries
  • Maintaining positive body language like prolonged eye contact, smiling, and leaning toward you when having a conversation
  • Expressing his love verbally and through text messages when you are away
  • Offering emotional support when you’re feeling low
  • He doesn’t hurt you intentionally

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12. He doesn’t hurt you intentionally

The right person will make sure he doesn’t hurt you intentionally. He won’t make you cry because he genuinely cares about your mental health issues. He will keep his promises and will make sure he doesn’t have any unrealistic expectations from you.

Plus, he will always keep it real. That doesn’t mean he will say things bluntly in the name of being frank and straightforward. A real man knows how to put his point across without hurting his woman.

13. He believes in empathy, equality, and encouragement

Research suggests that empathy is positively associated with relationship satisfaction. Partners who demonstrate empathy are more likely to experience higher levels of relationship well-being.

Hence, a man who treats you right will know the importance of being empathetic in a romantic relationship. He will always put himself in your shoes before any decision-making. He will consider your perspectives.

Moreover, he will believe in equality and he will encourage you to achieve your dreams. He will become your support system and will motivate you when you’re feeling low. He will boost your confidence and will celebrate your successes and failures.

If your man is not treating you right

What To Do If He Is Not Treating You The Way You Deserve

If you feel that you are not being treated the way you deserve in a relationship, it is essential to address the issue. Here are some steps to consider:

  • Reflect on your needs: You are feeling hurt and unappreciated. Take some time and reflect on your wants, needs, and values in the relationship. Understand what you deserve and how you want to be treated. Meanwhile, practice self-care and self-love to protect you from any outside influence
  • Communicate openly: Have an honest and open conversation with your partner. If the only time he makes you feel good is when you are having sex, then you need to share your feelings, concerns, and expectations. Use “I” statements to express how his actions impact you
  • Set boundaries: When a man treats you badly in private or in front of others, clearly define your boundaries and communicate this to him. For example, if you feel like he hangs out a lot with other women, ask him to limit his meetings with them
  • Seek clarification: If he is giving you a lot of mixed signals, then ask him to be transparent. Shed light on his inconsistent behavior and demand an explanation for it
  • Make a decision: If he isn’t putting any effort or if his efforts to improve the situation are consistently unsuccessful and none of your needs are being met, be prepared to consider the possibility of walking away from the relationship

 Key Takeaways

  • When he treats you like a child or if he doesn’t take you seriously, it’s a reflection of his feelings for you
  • Some of the signs he is treating you right include respecting you, communicating openly, and apologizing when he is wrong
  • If he is consistently not treating you the way you deserve to be, then seek clarification from him or be willing to walk away from the relationship

What remains paramount here is your physical and emotional well-being. If you genuinely feel like he is taking you for granted and isn’t putting any real effort to keep you happy, it’s time to emphasize that you need a healthier relationship. His actions have provided valuable insights into his feelings. Now, what remains is a holistic understanding of his emotions and a transparent communication that will set his priorities straight.