You meet someone new and think you can trust them enough to start talking about your personal life. It starts from the “get to know each other” phase then heads to the “let’s reveal our vulnerabilities” phase and finally reaches the inevitable, “let me bare open my soul to you” phase. The problem with all these stages is that we end up telling a lot more than required. And for that reason, you need to learn how to stop oversharing in all your relationship dynamics that you share with your friends, partners, and even family members.

According to research, topics associated with oversharing include medical issues, politics, relationships, and overly emotional statements. You may overshare your life story with someone you have known all your life. You can also narrate your history to someone you just met online. Both of these instances could be dangerous. 

What Is Oversharing?

Oversharing refers to the act of disclosing excessive or highly personal information about yourself to others, often beyond what is considered socially appropriate or necessary in a given context. This behavior can occur in various settings, such as in face-to-face conversations, social media platforms, or online communities.

According to studies, people who suffer from bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder find it difficult to control their emotions and impulses. This leads makes them share private information without thinking about the repercussions

But if you don’t have any mental health issues, then you need to promote healthy relationships by avoiding the oversharing of confidential information. Moreover, in some instances, oversharing may make others uncomfortable, create awkward silences and situations, or breach privacy boundaries.

Examples Of Oversharing

On social media, for example, oversharing might involve continuously posting intimate details of one’s personal life, relationships, health issues, financial troubles, or other sensitive topics that might be better kept private.

Similarly, in everyday conversations, oversharing could involve revealing deeply personal things to acquaintances or even strangers, which might be more appropriate to share with close friends or family members. Sometimes, oversharing is a trauma response.  By sharing your story with others, it’s an attempt to establish connections and seek validation for your feelings and experiences.

Here’s an example of an oversharing conversation between two friends, Alex and Sam:

Alex: Hey, Sam! I am so glad we could catch up. There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.

Sam: Oh, of course! I am all ears. What’s going on?

Alex: Well, you know my relationship with my partner, Selena, right?

Sam: Yeah, of course! You guys have been together for a while now, right?

Alex: Yeah, it’s been about a year. So, recently, we have been having some issues with intimacy. Like, it’s just not the same as it used to be.

Sam: Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What kind of issues are you experiencing? (*Wondering what can I do about this*)

Alex: It’s just that Selena seems distant sometimes, and our physical intimacy has also decreased. I don’t know if it’s something I did or if she is just not interested in me anymore.

Sam: That must be tough to deal with. Have you talked to Selena about how you feel?

Alex: Yeah, I did, but she didn’t seem very responsive. She said she had been stressed with work, but I can’t help but feel like it’s more than that.

Sam: It’s understandable that you’re concerned. Have you considered seeking couples counseling?

Alex: I thought about it, but I am worried that Selena might not be on board with the idea. I don’t want to push her away by suggesting it.

Sam: That’s a valid concern. Maybe you could gently bring it up again and let her know it’s because you care about the relationship and want to work through the issues together. (*Thinking— I hope he understand I cannot really help here*)

Alex: Yeah, you’re right. I just hope she understands where I am coming from.

Sam: I’m sure she will if you approach it with love and understanding. Communication is key in any relationship.

Alex: Thanks for being so supportive, Sam. It means a lot to me.

Sam: Of course! That’s what friends are for. You can always count on me.



In this example, Alex overshared personal details about his relationship with Selena, discussing issues with intimacy and doubts about their partner’s feelings. Boundaries in friendships are about respecting each other’s privacy and not delving too deeply into topics that may be best reserved for more private settings or professional counseling. 

You May Also Like: 120+ Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend In Every Situation

If you want to avoid such conversations and don’t want to make any of your friends or family members feel uncomfortable, you need to develop good conversation skills to maintain a healthy balance between openness and discretion. Let’s learn how you can train yourself to stop oversharing in this article.

How To Stop Oversharing — 9 Effective Strategies 

If you find yourself often sharing intimate details about yourself and want to stop this behavior, here are a few suggestions to help you maintain healthy boundaries in your conversations and online interactions:

1. Be more self-aware

This is the first step is to become aware of your oversharing tendencies. Practice self-awareness and self-regulation by recognizing and understanding your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and motivations. It involves being in tune with your internal experiences and having insight into how you perceive and interact with the world around you.

If you feel like you have been sharing intimate details about your personal life with people, then sit back and reflect on past conversations or social media posts where you might have disclosed excessive personal information. Look at the pattern. Understand when and why you tend to overshare. Ask yourself a few important questions:

  • Do I share too much personal information when I am met with social anxiety? 
  • Am I trauma dumping? 
  • Do I lack basic conversation skills in social settings and otherwise?
  • Am I trying to seek sympathy and attention by sharing my relationship problems with others? 
  • Is this my way of seeking validation and support?
  • Do I lack boundaries? 

2. Think before speaking 

Make this the motto of your life even if you do not usually overshare. Words have the power to make or break. So, always think twice before speaking your heart out. When you are having a conversation with someone and it’s your turn to ask, take a moment to pause. This is called response latency. It’s the lag time between a verbal question and a given response. 

By just having a short pause before you answer a question, not only do you establish more credibility with your audience, you will also be more transparent with your thoughts. With the help of this method, you will practice both active listening and exude poise as a short pause and slower speaking cadence is always helpful to avoid oversharing and projecting confidence.

3. Set clear boundaries 

Oversharing and boundaries need to go hand in hand. Try to establish clear boundaries for yourself regarding what topics and information are appropriate to share in different settings and with various audiences. If it’s your best friend, any of your close family members, or your significant other, then the level of intimacy will be higher between the two of you.

Hence, you can share a little more than what you would share with strangers on the internet. Always consider what level of intimacy and trust is required before discussing certain personal matters.

However, if you feel anxious that you often tend to share too much personal information that’s not required for even close ones to know, then reaffirm your boundaries and stick to them. 

Read This: Cutting Toxic People Out Of Your Life — 7 Signs And 4 Ways To Do It

4. Be a good listener 

Instead of dominating conversations with personal stories or information, practice active listening. Let the opposite person speak and you just sit there and listen. Reduce feelings and impulsiveness to share and instead, show genuine interest in what they have to say rather than making yourself the center of attention.

Start talking only when they have finished their story. But if you are afraid you will disclose unnecessary details about your life, then show genuine interest and ask open-ended questions to ensure the conversation stays in their court.  

5. Don’t brag, gloat, or exaggerate 

If you are someone who brags, then it’s clear that you share intimate details so you can be the center of attention. Attention-seeking is a motivation for overstating. It’s as simple as that.

And besides, nobody likes a person who blows their own trumpet. Not everyone wants to know how many high-end handbags you own. So, it’s best to not create a false sense of yourself in order to impress others.

Nobody wants to know how much you paid for that vacation to the Northern Island. And nobody wants to know the cost of your shoes. Don’t gloat about your new house on social media accounts. Don’t brag about your perfume collection with your friends offline. Just don’t be smug about your successes. 

6. Learn how to be silent 

When you often find yourself sharing personal stories with friends, colleagues, and strangers on online forums, it’s best to maintain your personal space and master the art of silence as oversharing can lead to the unintentional disclosure of sensitive or private information. Here are some tips on how to become a better listener:

  • Sit quietly and hear them speak
  • Your body language should also scream that you are all ears
  • Give them your complete attention
  • Don’t interrupt them 
  • Ask follow up questions
  • Maintain eye contact

Being silent about certain topics may help you protect your privacy and maintain a level of confidentiality in your interactions. It will also help you develop flexible thinking. In addition to that, sharing too much personal information can strain relationships, especially if the other person feels overwhelmed or burdened by your disclosures.

Being silent about certain aspects of your life like romantic relationships, about your sex life, family drama, or about your breakup can help maintain a balanced and comfortable social skills. 

7. Avoid sharing in the heat of the moment 

People tend to start oversharing during emotionally charged situations. It’s best to refrain from reacting impulsively by sharing things immediately. If you can’t carry the emotional weight of the things that are happening around you, try to at least filter yourself when you speak by hiding a few intimate details.

However, the best thing to do in such situations is to stop yourself from speaking. Therefore, give yourself time to process your feelings and thoughts before deciding if and how to share with others.

You May Also Like: 53 Practical And Inexpensive Self-Care Ideas For A Better You

8. Assess your online presence

If you are someone who goes above and beyond small talk on the internet, then this is the best advice you will ever receive. Review your social media profiles and posts to see why you feel pressured to overshare. Is it because you are always feeling nervous and overwhelmed and need an outlet? Is it because you don’t have any friends you can trust in real life so you resort to venting it out with your online friends?

Oversharing on social media
Image Source: Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik

If that’s the case, then things can go south for you very soon. Imagine you meet someone online and start sharing everything with them. What if they start blackmailing you? What if they take advantage of your situation and demand favors from you?

It is best to avoid sharing your location, workplace location, bank details, and other crucial information with people online. The risks of sharing your location online are grave and can affect your family as well1.

9. Practice selective sharing

When in doubt, err on the side of caution and share less rather than more. You can always choose to disclose more personal information gradually as trust and rapport with someone grows. This is for those who don’t know conversational skills and are learning them from scratch.

Selective sharing basically means to share only specific intimate details with selected people. Essentially, self-disclosure should be monitored. Just as how you prefer not to overshare when on a first date, the same way you can avoid sharing too much in your social circles.

Try to choose which information will hurt you in the least possible way if it finds its way to the wrong people who want to hurt you. Always share such information that can’t be used to attack you. You can keep the important ones to yourself or share it with those who are worthy of your trust. 

Infographic on how to stop oversharing
How To Stop Oversharing?

What Are The Dangers Of Oversharing?

Oversharing can lead to several dangers and negative consequences, both in personal and professional contexts. Some of the potential dangers of oversharing include:

1. You may strain your relationships

If you have anxiety and oversharing is your go to response to it, then it can really strain and exhaust your personal relationships. It can overwhelm your partner if you are in a relationship with them. It might even lead to them feeling burdened or uncomfortable in your presence, potentially diminishing your emotional intimacy with them and eventually straining your relationship.

2. Your reputation may get damaged 

Sharing too much personal information, especially on social media and other social circles, can affect how others perceive you. If you talk a lot about your underlying mental issues, post a long story on relationship problems, and other family issues, it may lead to judgments, misconceptions, or negative assumptions about your character or values.

Dangers of oversharing
Image Source: Image by studio4rt on Freepik

You are the only person who can protect your image. Try to act accordingly and avoid sharing extremely personal things on social media platforms. 

3. You will get emotionally exhausted

Constantly reliving and discussing personal experiences can be emotionally draining and prevent you from properly processing and moving on from certain situations. Your own life is in your hands. If you want to heal from a certain past traumatic experience, you need to stop replaying it in your head. And constantly talking about it will only impact your mental health. 

4. It shows your lack of boundaries 

If your impulse control isn’t strong and you end up oversharing, then it can blur the lines between personal and professional relationships. Ergo, it will be challenging for you to establish appropriate boundaries in various settings.

When you constantly overshare with people who aren’t even important in your life, it shows you don’t take boundaries seriously. And only people with low self-esteem, self-worth, and insecurities have problems with establishing boundaries. 

5. People could exploit you 

This is one of the biggest dangers of sharing too much personal information with individuals you don’t fully trust. Let’s say you just met someone at a networking event and you started chattering about your personal life and other intimate details1.

They may take advantage of your vulnerabilities by using them as ammunition against you. Furthermore, they could even go to the extent of blackmailing you. 

6. Feeling exposed or vulnerable 

Sometimes you may share things unintentionally in the heat of the moment. But later you may submerge in feelings of regret, embarrassment, and vulnerability when you realize you have shared more than you intended with the wrong audience. That’s why you need to practice selective conversational skills where you can hide certain things without completely going silent. 

These are some of the dangers of oversharing on social media as they can contribute to digital footprint and reputation issues, affecting your online identity and how others perceive you. Moreover, in conflict situations, oversharing can exacerbate the problem, making it more challenging to find a resolution or compromise.

Key Takeaways

  • When people overshare personal details with family, with friends, or with strangers, there is always a risk of exploitation and manipulation 
  • Some of the things you can do to stop oversharing include practicing self-control, becoming a better listener, and taking a moment or two before hastily answering anyone’s question 
  • There are many dangers of oversharing when drunk such as facing professional consequences, losing your privacy, and straining your relationship 


It is important to enhance your social cues by striking a balance between openness and discretion in order to maintain healthy relationships. This will also safeguard your privacy. You just have to be mindful of your sharing habits. And once you learn how to avoid oversharing, you will experience more meaningful relationships and fulfilling interactions with others. But if worst comes to worst and you can’t stop with the chronic oversharing, it’s best to seek professional help.

FAQs

1.Is oversharing a red flag?

It’s a red flag if a guy does that on the first date or if you don’t know someone that well and they go on and on without any self-control. They could be dealing with mental illnesses or low self-esteem. Whatever the reason is, it’s never good. It’s not a red flag if it’s done during other instances. The person could just be feeling drained, pressured, or overwhelmed and needs an outlet to vent.

2.Why do I feel better after oversharing? 

Sharing your thoughts and emotions can provide a sense of catharsis, which is a release of pent-up emotional tension. That’s why expressing your feelings can be a form of emotional relief and can make you feel lighter and more at ease.